Limerick Showcase

A chance for players to showcase whole limericks for amusement & edification. Standard winning move for the purposes of euthanasia.

• Stevie - To travel to Mars is just spiffing
  Or Venus, Or Merc'ry. They're ripping
  But stay clear of the moon
  Or your find out that soon
  Your traveller's luck will start slipping

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• Stevie - While strolling a golf course one night
  Two randy teens I gave a fright
  Their attempt at a snog
  Was now rendered "dog"
  Because when I've had a skinful of rum I get lost and my route home can become somewhat eccentric on account of me not feeling all that bright.
• KagomeShuko -

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  Let the horizontal rule.

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• KagomeShuko -
  If it's tea you are going to make,
  You need to get ready to bake
  For drink without sweet,
  Is not complete
  And everyone will want cake.

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• Stevie -
  Mendacity now rules the day
  The lunatics having their way
  This cultural blight
  Infects left and right
  Where it will all end none can say.

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• Bismarck - From Game 502 on MCIOS, courtesy of Rosie, yours truly, Stevie, Chalky and penelope
  This line has been disinfected
  And with Pfizer’s best twice injected
  So roll up your sleeve
  But don't be naive
  Immunity's merely suspected.

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• Stevie - "Now turn off the breaker" I said
  "OK" she replied. "Go ahead."
  There followed a flash
  A bang and a crash
  And that's all she wrote. I was dead.

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• Stevie - It really is not all that hard
  Even though you have little regard
  For your own health, or mine
  Don't act like a swine
  Just put on a mask you fucktard!
• Stevie -

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• Raak - I have just discovered, via J Budziszewski's blog, that Thomas Aquinas wrote a near-limerick. It goes like this:

  Sit vitiorum meorum evacuatio,
  Concupiscentiae et libidinis exterminatio,
  Caritatis et patientiae,
  Humilitatis et obedientiae,
  Omniumque virtutum augmentatio.

  The scansion requires the vigorous use of a shoehorn with both hands, but the rhyming is good. It translates as:

  May [the sacrifice] purify me from sin,
  do away with my evil desires and passions,
  bring me charity and patience,
  humility and obedience,
  and strengthen me in all virtue.

• penelope - I couldn't resist, sorry Raak. Haven't looked in here in ages and work is really boring at the mo. I've proofread 300 pages of 700 so far and it's dull dull dull, so a bit of rhyme and meaning wrangling will do me good.
  May the sacrifice cleanse me of sin,
  Chuck libido and lust in the bin
  And instead I would be
  More goodY-goodY
  And purer, both outside and in.

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• Raak - [pen] Bravo!
• Stevie -
  I've a shiny new silver Euphonium
  It gleams and it shines, just like Chromium
  Now I'm learning to play
  Everyone stays away
  Friends and Neighbours leave me on my onium

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• Rosie - (Stevie) I wonder if that applies to my trombonium. V good BTW. Rhagorol. Deg allan o ddeg.

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• Juxtapose - I'm learning guitar but my thumbs
  Are greatly confused by the strums
  A moment of passion
  Resulted in smashin'
  Revealing a talent for drums

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• Bismarck - At the meeting of COP28
  Hot air was produced at a rate
  Which increased global warming
  Stopping sea ice from forming
  And making ten polar bears late.

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• Phil - Oooh, I was mentioned in Sept 2019. Bizarrely because I came here to find the Tennyson limerick.
• Bismarck - If the government were to collapse
  Fill the cabinet with some stop-gaps
  Like Rees-Mogg at Health
  Rushi Sunak at Wealth
  And for PM, who else but Grant Shapps?

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• Bismarck - There's a ruthless side to Rishi Sunak
  Despite his resembling a monak;
  You'd better obey
  Lest you hear him say:
  "Go on then, make my day, punak!"

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• Bismarck - This was started by Radox The Green and Projoy:
  Now Chancellor Nadim Zahawi
  (Whose savings are not in Malawi!)
  Thinks that he is the GOAT
  But he won't get our vote:
  We're not that daft, now, really, are we?

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• Bismarck - Having spent many long years in training
  We expect he's an expert in reigning
  And one of our own
  So, as Charles takes the throne
  Let us greet him with "Long live the King."

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• CdM - Raak set the precedent above, so here is a sonnet. I recently had lunch with someone who amuses herself sonnetising popular songs, and I thought I would take on the challenge.
  
  (Is it not rich?) And if I sound resigned
  (Are we a pair?) I'm grounded; you're unmoored.
  (Is it not bliss?) This is what fate designed:
  (Don’t you approve?) One flying; one who’s floored.
  
  At last I'd closed the doors of past desire
  And opened yours with one speech to profess
  But you’d left for another lover's fire—
  The poets call this irony, I guess.
  
  (Don’t you love farce?) The dreams that we’d ignored
  (My fault, I fear) I thought were now aligned.
  (Is it not rich?) My timing, though, was flawed;
  (Is it not queer?) Ah well, then—never mind
  
  The jaded exits, faded evening gowns...
  Just strike the set, my dear. Send in the clowns.
  
  (View the source to read the hidden text)

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• Simons Mith - Bit too highbrow for me. This is more my level:

  Oh, what a beauty!
  I've never seen one like that
  Share #marrow

•   -

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• Stevie -
  While aloft in my DIY jet
  I smelled fuel, and thought "my leg's wet"
  I took out a fag
  Lit up, took a drag

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• Stevie -
  My dear mother said "Use your brain"
  "Don't drive all that way. Take a train."
  So I took her advice
  (I don't need telling twice)
  And now I'm doing 15 years in Wandsworth for grand larceny, operating a locomotive without a train driving licence and the kidnapping of one train driver, four conductors, 83 passengers, four dogs and a budgie named Jane.

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• Raak - I've recently picked up a cough
  It's making life hard to get through
  This out I must tough
  Shun of Despond the Slough
  And seek help from the folk of the borough.

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• Bismarck - [Raak] That's so good it needs plagiarising...
  Behold ye the red-legged chough
  Which nests on the end of a bough
  Where it pecks out a trough
  Feeds its young just on dough
  And suffers a constant hiccough.

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• Superman - Boris on the burning deck
  Which he had set alight
  Surveying of his life the wreck
  While maintaining he was right.
• Stevie - The cure for all Mankind's ills
  Can be found in my patented pills
  They should be taken when cool
  No! Just one you damned fool!
  Aaaand another fool's pushin' up cowsills.

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• Projoy - A question for C.S. Lewis.
  
  When Peter, and Susan and Ed
  And Lucy got crowns on their head
  Regarding gestation:
  The next generation
  Should come from which marital bed?
• Raak - Primogeniture wasn't invented
  So nobody's honour was dented
  A new king appeared
  Whom all the folk cheered
  And all scandal was thereby prevented.

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• Projoy - Someone on WhatsApp mentioned they'd had to write a poem on the theme "tree", and in reply, I made this up in 60 seconds, without time to make apologies to Joyce Kilmer...
  
  There once was a beautiful tree
  That wasn't so lovely to me
  As any old pome
  Pulled out of a tome
  Pulled out of a beautiful tree.
• * -

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• goldfinch -
  Two festive limericks prompted by Projoy and this article on King Charles and his replantable Christmas tree.
  
  goldfinch - King Charlie’s replantable tree
  Makes a bold point on ecology,
  Strong on conservation
  Yet on his oration:
  A touch wooden, his delivery.
  
  Projoy - Charles drawls from a room that's enchanting
  For now it's a "sir", not a "ma'am" ting.
  He signals his virtue
  with pine (or a birch?) who
  Like him needs a speedy replanting.
  

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• Projoy -
  
  The child, being close to the floor,
  sees the dust gather up, more and more.
  The cracks in the wall
  grow, as children grow tall
  till they leave; dust thrown up; closing door.
• CdM -

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  To eternity Sisyphus will
  Roll his boulder atop Dollis Hill
  The thrill of defeat
  The will to repeat
  Was, will be, and ever is still

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• Projoy - A long time ago, I would pray
  I could make the folk dance when I'd play
  But then February's news
  Bought a fresh wave of blues
  The music had died on that day
  
  
  So bye-bye, Miss American Pie,
  The levee I drove to was dry.
  Good ol' boys in their folly
  Raised whiskies to Holly
  'This will be the day they I die.'
• goldfinch -
  On the day that the music expired,
  The levee dry, Chevy flat-tired,
  The Book of Love closed,
  The jester deposed,
  Music dead and American-Pyred.
• CdM -

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  [P, g] Very nicely done, both of you! I’m glad to have planted the seed for those.

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• Chalky - [CdM,Pj,g] When limericks go right. Like the collective AP effort in the Game itself - poignant but very satisfying.