mc5 : The Obligatory Limericks Game Reincarnated

And so it begins....

Expose all

Rosie - Most don't touch the ball
Marc - Though players are tall
Simons Mith - Superb owls are much more amusing
Marc - She is wise as an owl I've been told
Software - Her knowledge is quite manifold
Simons Mith - On the subject of voles
penelope - She impresses the proles
Rosie - Though that's hardly one of her goals.
penelope - When Richard the third called for 'horse' something topical for a change
cfm - 'Twas past time to bargain, of course
CdM - You can't use a nation
Software - For experimentation
Rosie - Though many do so, and by force.
CdM - I'd like to replace "experimentation" with "negotiation" in that last limerick. :-)
They're preparing for this year's Grand Prix
Marc - We'll be fighting on land and at sea
Pablo - From Le Mans to Dubai
Chalky - Yeongam and Shanghai
Rosie - And what's left of the old Aral Sea.
cfm - Oscar, my dear, your red rug
Rosie - Is home to many a bug
Software - Tho' to you it is cosy
Phil - It's hellish for Rosie
penelope - Who itches and cannot get snug.
Rosie - The slanderous comments above
cfm - And the full implications thereof
CdM - Are herewith rescinded
Chalky - In manner long-winded
Marc - Devoted to brother and sisterly love...!
Marc - The Conclave's elected Pope Mary,
penelope - Who plans to be Jesus's fairy
Software - A pontiff with wings
cfm - Who can do magic things
Pablo - But the giveaway is - she's so hairy
Pablo - Bugger - insert quotation marks around "she's" if you would
Kim - The puff of white smoke tells us all
penelope - That the popemobile's just hit the wall
Marc - But look out, now it's black! (...the smoke of course...)
Pablo - Is Benedict back?
CdM - Or a reincarnated John-Paul?
: -
Chalky - When tales are retold you will know
Phil - That the heroes of long, long ago
Pablo - Committed great deeds
Software - While riding their steeds
Marc - Yelling "Woe-Hi-Di-Hi-Hi-Di-Hoe!"
Marc - In the Alps they are yod'ling a lot,
Kim - While their cheese gently boils in the pot
Chalky - Such stereotyping
Phil - And Franco-Swiss griping
Pablo - Is likely to get someone shot
Rosie - Italians, in gen'ral, are charming
CdM - Their generals, though, are alarming
Raak - Their finances are scary
Marc - Signoras faces so hairy
penelope - Which is why generals find them disarming
Pablo - But the Greeks are, truth to tell,
Chalky - Descendants of heaven and hell .. a tad short on footage Pablo but think we can make it work ...
Rosie - Just now it's the latter (Chalks) 'E fough' itza peon-unny recipe, dinny?
cfm - Though only a matter
Software - That Cyprus will go down as well
Chalky - A Monegasque makes a fine friend
Rosie - With big pots of money to lend
kagomeshuko - He dresses in green
Giertrud - And bows to the queen
Pablo - So you'll see where it's all going to end!
Marc - Are you ready to start your new life?
Rosie - As side-kick to old Mack the Knife
Software - But as opera's go
Quendalon - This threepenny show
kagomeshuko - Is more suited for somebody's wife.
kagomeshuko - Sorry, for got the line break!
Chalky - I chanced upon Lady Godiva
NotJohn - Who said; "If you'll give me a fiver,
Phil - I'll cut off my hair
Knobbly - But I hope you're aware
Pablo - on a horse, I'm not such a good driver.
Quendalon - At luncheon with old Friar Tuck
Phil - We dined on a stew of braised duck
cfm - We saved the skimmed fat
Rosie - To give to the cat
Simons Mith - And using the catflap, she stuck!
Chalky - Thenceforth to Maid Marian's for tea [last line .. worth the wait. Nice one SM]
NotJohn - A generous hostess is she
Simons Mith - A Battenburg cake
Phil - (The marzipan's fake!)
Quendalon - Goes well with a glass of Chablis
Pablo - In the pub with my friend Little John
Phil - I thought 'What the hell's going on?'
NotJohn - For he'd got out his staff
cfm - And then just for a laugh
Rosie - He poked it up my sit-upon.
Phil - Lovely!
Chalky - Will Scarlett's a rum sort of fellow [PPNcR] Heehehehehehe
Phil - "Come chase me!", he's oft-heard to bellow.
NotJohn - Then he shins up a tree
Raak - And cries, "Come, follow me!"
Software - But sadly they're all far too yellow
Quendalon - At the wedding of Alan-a-Dale
Raak - The couple wore matching chain mail
penelope - Her chastity belt
Could hardly be felt
And his, back-to-front, had a tail.I can hardly believe I wrote that. Inexcusable
Chalky - [pen] I can. Excusable. Funny
Chalky - The green-fingered Sherriff of Nottingham
Phil - Grew cannabis plants, and was potting 'em [pen] Digusting! I hardly know where to put myself. Somewhat like Alan-a-Dale, it seems!
Software - When in burst the cops
Pablo - And said "Are these hops?"
Rosie - He said "Yes, well done for spotting 'em." (Ladies) Can't have too much femfilth.
Chalky - Sir Guy of Gisbourne gets quite cross
Quendalon - When you stand in the way of his hoss
Raak - "Begone, varlet!" he'll shout
Software - "Lest I give thee a clout"
Marc - "And into my dungeons you toss."
Marc - Now Robin, that man with the hood
Phil - Claimed his motives were thoroughly good
Raak - Steal from rich, give to poor
Software - (Unlike Osborne and more)
Chalky - Then make merry with maids in the wood.
Kim - And as for that wicked King John
Marc - Who thought that the battle he'd won
Chalky - Would earn him respect
Pablo - Instead, he got decked
Quendalon - So the limerick game could go on
Rosie - In trying to unscramble an egg
Simons Mith - I soon spent an arm and a leg [Quen] Liked that - good finish!
Chalky - My marbles got lost
Pablo - My salad got tossed
Marc - And I noticed you'd emptied my keg ...
Marc - Though she knew he was called Jack the Ripper
Phil - And she'd heard what he did to young Pippa
Chalky - She couldn't resist
Software - A hazardous tryst
Pablo - So thank God he got stuck in his zipper
Phil - [M, C, S and P] Nicely done, if I say so myself. Let's crack open some pre-war ginger beer!
penelope - This bottle of old ginger beer why not?
Phil - Was brewed on the banks of the Wear
Kim - In nineteen-oh-two
Chalky - In a stevedore's shoe
No wonder it tastes rather queer *flees*
Rosie - The worst thing to say to a Swede
Pablo - Is to ask him: "Just how do you breed?"
Kim - His reply, you will see
Software - Just between you and me
Phil - Involves ABBA and herrings. And mead!
Phil - The sunburn that glows on my neck
Software - Will keep my libido in check
Pablo - And apart from the spots
Marc - That I've got by the lots
Rosie - There's the fact I'm a banking exec.
CdM - But really, the public should thank us
Chalky - We are, after all, quite high rankers
penelope - And we haven't, quite yet
Giertrud - learned the alphabet
kagomeshuko - but we're primo at being bankers!
Chalky - This first line should set us alight
penelope - Make us shiver, if we've done it right
Rosie - And further additions
Software - or even omissions
Raak - Well made, yield the greatest delight.
Kim - Rise up, all you left-handed folks!
Marc - And publish your best rated jokes
Rosie - But say nothing sinister
cfm - Or I'll call your minister
Pablo - And believe me, that threat is no hoax.
kagomeshuko - A monk and a rabbi ate dinner
Giertrud - of kerosene and of paint thinner
Rosie - This combustible fare
cfm - Consumed on a dare
kagomeshuko - Made one nor the other a winner.
penelope - Nice finish, Kagje.
A day full of procrastination
Tuj - May contain brief bouts of fascination
Rosie - F'rinstance with clips
Software - Of wiggly hips
Pablo - Or else some discombobulation wipes brow
Giertrud - A chihuahua and terrier cross
KagomeShuko - Decided that he was the boss
Phil - So the dachshund got fired
cfm - The golden retired
Chalky - And the rest ... ? Not one gives a toss.
Quendalon - There once was a cat from Andorra
penelope - Whose whiskers grew morer and morer
Phil - Till this Pyrenees mog
Rosie - (Real name Quentin Hogg)
Pablo - Belted her one - she got sorer
Chalky - When Mitzi took umbrage, she aimed .. u s a perhaps? ..
Phil - Through her sights at the one man she blamed
Raak - His scathing reviews
Marc - Was not ment to amuse
KagomeShuko - But some other fellow got framed.
Rosie - Never admit you're from Chatham
Phil - In New Hampshire, the same goes for Stratham
Raak - But if you're from Bath
Pablo - Yer good for a larf
KagomeShuko -
KagomeShuko - When it started to rain in Bath
Phil - Ummm, shall we finish the previous Limerick first?
Never admit you're from Chatham
In New Hampshire, the same goes for Stratham
But if you're from Bath
Yer good for a larf
Unlike Strasbourg (once Argentoratum)
When it started to rain in Bath
Raak - I outgrabe like a mome rath
Tuj - But my feeling of whimsy
CdM - Was fleeting and flimsy forcing attempt denied
irach - As I fled from the borogove path
Chalky - I once lunched in Stow-on-the-Wold
Phil - My starter was greasy and cold
Pablo - The main course inedible
Software - The bill was incredible
KagomeShuko - And the walls were all covered in mold. Sorry about that not finishing last time. I guess one should not play when one is extremely tired, even if for odd reasons, one cannot sleep.
nights - I once gave a farmer a lift [Phil] I am insulted! The Strasbourgeois are lots of fun!
Rosie - He just had some garlic, and whiffed
Chalky - I deployed my ejector
Phil - To a vertical vector [nights] I'm sure they are, given the quantity of beer brewed there. I was simply struggling for a rhyme :-)
Marc - Then launched into orbit quite swift…
Marc - Tomorrow the Moon will return
Software - From its weekend out with Saturn
nights - While the moon was away Excuses, excuses... :)
KagomeShuko - The earth did decay
Projoy - So perhaps it is best to adjourn?
Rosie - There's nothing as fast as a cheetah
Chalky - So says my feline speed-o-meter
Quendalon - But if you want slow
Pablo - (So slow it don't show) internal rhyme alert...
Raak - Watch lichen — a sloth record-beater.
penelope - Today, I am dyeing. It's black... (re-dying faded black clothes black)
Raak - As a glass of black mild Nutty Slack
Rosie - Its minute albedo
gil - Is just right for sado- ...that was a tricky one, Rosie.
Marc - -lin, Matching my nice Chapeau Claque.
Rosie - (gil) Yeah, a bit clever-clever, but there's speedo, libido, paedo, lido, credo, Toledo.
KagomeShuko - All my clothes have been eating by moths
penelope - And my shoes have been slothing by sloths Making a feature out of the quirk of KS's line
Kim - And as for my hats
Raak - They're all nested by bats
Software - So they think I've been haunting by Goths
Marc - We are what we eat we have heard
penelope - So I'm mostly tomatoes and curd
Phil - And I'm a nice curry
Software - I eat in a hurry
cfm - And for me, olives are the last word
Quendalon - The practice of oenomancy
Giertrud - Is one that the Romans did fancy
Chalky - By sharing a cask
Raak - An enquirer could ask
cfm - Which actions were safe and which chancy
Giertrud - A strapping young fellow named Clancy
Chalky - When working the clubs was called Nancy
Marc - He strapped while she stripped
KagomeShuko - And flopped while he flipped
Pablo - For the clients who all took his fancy
Chalky - That all-soft'ning o'erpowering knell
Rosie - Means you're on a journey to Hell Not you, m'dear.
Software - Slip into the mire
Raak - To a fate that is dire
Marc - And our trip down the hill ´s going swell.
Marc - There's a gap in my force-field of love
Raak - Through which demons and succubi shove
Phil - It's a worm-hole of lust
Rosie - And romance turns to dust
KagomeShuko - Which flies to the clouds up above.
Chalky - This journey could go on forever
CdM - And is surely not worth the endeavor
Rosie - For when we arrive
Raak - From a very long drive
Software - There's been a change in the weather
Pablo - There's a feeling - or is it just me? -
Phil - That this verse will stop dead at line three
Chalky - I'm not one to doubt.
Tuj - If I reincarnate as a puffin
Rosie - I'll mulishly call myself Muffin
Raak - On the island of Lundy
Software - My partner and me
Botherer - Will nest-build from navels with fluff in.
Marc - We have heard that the winner takes all [T, R, R, S, B]Excellent, free drinks tonight!
penelope - But don't fret should the wealth start to gall
Pablo - Cash can't bring you joy
Chalky - Unless you're called Roy
Software - But it's better than bugg*r all
Chalky - [Softers] If I may be so bold - you are significantly short-syllabled and arrhythmic in both your last entries .. thought you'd sussed this game by now ;-)
Inner lining -
Marc - The Scansion-class this Fall semester
Software - Will be taken by the head jester [Chalks] I disagree, it does work.
Raak - The Rhymer's a clown
Phil - The jester will frown
Rosie - At the way that these matters obsessed her. (View the source to read the hidden text)
Jestess - All our efforts to set the bar higher [Softers] Hope we can agree to disagree. ;-)
penelope - have us jumping from skillet to fire
Rosie - Where we are consumed (Funny Girl) You're right. I'll have a word with him next time he's over.
Software - All pedants presumed [Chalks] Naturally :o)
Marc - Class dismissed and now also ceasefire.
Pablo - Debate is a most healthy thing
Kim - At the Darby and Joan Club in Tring
Phil - It helps them stay young
Marc - And grease up their tongue
Software - So with their friends they can swing
Rosie - In Somerset, Dorset and Devon
penelope - They're always in bed by eleven
Software - But the people of Hants
cfm - Are just putting on pants
Phil - And they won't be back home until seven
penelope - In the flat agricultural east
Rosie - All cult'ral activity has ceased
Raak - The turnips are ready
Marc - So tasty but thready
Pablo - Fit neither for man nor for beast
Phil - So The Ashes will grind to an end
Software - With rain being England's best friend
Chalky - And Broady and Swann
Tuj - Turn their sprinklers on
Chalky - As they've more than a penny to spend No takers all week? Ah well.
Rosie - While spending an evening in Kettering (Chalky) We can lose with grace, but not win.
Chalky - Perfecting my copperplate lettering
Software - I blotted my book
Pablo - (As the locals say,"fook!")
penelope - Putting paid to my hopes for its bettering.
Phil - My computer has not crashed today
Software - Unusual for Windows®, they say
Rosie - And although I'm pleased
penelope - I know if I sneezed
Marc - My screen would collapse and turn grey...
Marc - Good morning all poets it's time
Phil - To celebrate autumn in rhyme
penelope - Write of 'mellow' and 'fruit'
Rosie - And rabbits to shoot
Software - With apples to pick in their prime
Pablo - But what do you say of the rain?
Rosie - Well, it's wet and it goes down the drain
penelope - It hangs out in pools I thought 'puddles' would be too hard to rhyme. You're welcome
Phil - And obeys fluid rules
Raak - Before long it will come back again.
Software - The rain in Spain, so they say
Raak - Mainly falls on the plain every day
Rosie - But the Sierra Nevada Some very dubious climatology here.
Chalky - (the one in Granada)
Pablo - Is fine all year round, so "Olé!"
Kim - While enjoying a Café au Lait
Phil - I was asked, "Are you well?". I said "Très!"
penelope - Mais le cuillère est bent
Chalky - Et la tasse 'as une dent - just googled le cuillère to check my schoolgirl french. Ooh la kama sutra la!
Rosie - Mais le goût, je vous dis, est OK.
Chalky - *applauds*
Phil - *Applauds the limerick; winces at the Franglais*
penelope - [Phil] Then I reckon we need more practice...
Aujourd 'hui, le naming de parts
Pablo - comme les fruits pour le making of tarts
Phil - Will commence avec plum
Software - Bien sur, mon ol' chum
Chalky - Mais ils font tous nos dents plutôt schwartz Aha! See what I did there.
Heddlu'r llinell -
Simons Mith - Demain machen wir ein gateau
Rosie - Mor drwm â'r Tibetan Plateau (Welsh) "as heavy as the".
Software - Ik heb een gros pain
Marc - Horror vacui my brain
Phil - Und el pastel est dans my zapato
Marc - Enough now let's get back to work
Chalky - Said the dull-witted jobsworth from Chirk
Rosie - Then off went th'alarm My Dad's from near Chirk.
Software - At 5 on the farm
Pablo - So he got himself up with a jerk
Kim - The jerk I got up with today
Pablo - Is not worth the money I pay
Giertrud - He costs seventeen pence
Rosie - I must have no sense
Software - I hope he'll just go away
Rosie - The mocking the trainspotter suffers
Software - In anorak stood by the buffers
Marc - The trains passing by
Phil - See the young 'spotter cry
Pablo - "What's 'Get a life!' mean, you duffers?"
Chalky - Young Pablo just timed to perfection
Rosie - His disdain for social rejection
Phil - He avoided a snub
Software - But this is the rub
Marc - And we offer him full time protection.
Software - Today I think I will shuffle
Pablo - My coats - both trench and duffle [Chalky] young???
Phil - - graze the floor as I walk
penelope - And muffle my talk
Marc - And fill my big mouth with fine truffle.
Raak - Glanting rain and sprale winds are forecàst
Chalky - In Zeroia the land of my past
Phil - Where spallion fields grow
Pablo - Fine cronx in the snow
Marc - And my abras are blooming at last.
Marc - Her knickers were bloomy and pink
Phil - I smiled, she laughed with a wink.
Software - And as she bent down
penelope - A fart rent her gown
irach - And that's what's done drove me to drink
Marc - Campari, Pernod, Gin and Whisky
Software - All in a pint glass rather risky
Raak - Add a few whites of eggs
penelope - To stiffen the dregs
Pablo - Scoff it down, and feel rather frisky
Chalky - Your challenge this Tuesday is thus:
penelope - Take a flock of wild geese on the bus.
Kim - When you reach Euston Square
Phil - Disembark with a pair
Rosie - As the others quack "What about us?" bugger me, talking geese.
KagomeShuko - The students in British Lit
penelope - Should study the format a bit! K-S - you're a syllable short, m'dear!!
Pablo - The syntax and grammar
Phil - Cause newbies to stammer
Chalky - Plus most think that Shakespeare is shit.
Simons Mith - There once was a Viking called Jeff
Marc - Who chiselled the first letter F
Chalky - When faced with the second
Phil - Distraction soon beckoned
KagomeShuko - And instead of Jeff, he was Jef. (View the source to read the hidden text)
Simons Mith - An orthodox rabbi called Skuld
Juxtapose - Discovered his cocoa had cooled
Raak - He said to Verðandi
Marc - Your blowtorch comes handy
KagomeShuko - But it's strange that it is bejeweled.
Chalky - Your challenge this Tuesday is this:
Raak - To be pleasant to your little sis
Software - But as for your brother
Phil - Your father and mother,
Kim - Just carry on taking the piss.
Juxtapose - There once was a man from the States
Chalky - Named Billy - but he had No Mates
Marc - Except for Tim Nice
irach - And Leontyne Price
Pablo - Which kind of restricted his dates
Simons Mith - A tale of forbidden papayas It was the idea of a restricted date that got me thinking on these lines
Raak - And lovers in heat on the playas
KagomeShuko - Gave way to the sun
Juxtapose - Which ruined the fun
Rosie - This UV is just sent to try us.
Chalky - Your challenge this Tuesday is risky
Phil - To make it to lunch without whisky
Pablo - And restrain your desires
penelope - To start small office fires
Raak - And entice the young temps to be frisky.
Juxtapose - On Wednesday the sun will go nova
Rosie - We'll be done to a crisp; it's Game Over
Phil - So let's party all week
Chalky - Give our fun cells a tweak
Software - And spend the final few moments in clover
Raak - My teeth are all falling apart They are.
Rosie - They're going to hell in a cart
Pablo - So chewing's a chore
Kim - And biting's a bore
cfm - It sucks being such an old fart
Elizabeth - Being a New-comer, I am always seeking online for articles that could assist me. Many thanks! %KW% Elizabeth http://adw7.ru/user/izlxybtidbt/
Inner lining -
Marc - There once was a most thankful Russian
Raak - Whose life was once saved by a Prussian
cfm - But along came a Spaniard
Rosie - In a style most maññered
Chalky - And Olé! El Ruso was blushin'.
Raak - Sir Cornelis Maartenszoon Tromp
Marc - Was the first to cross Zuiderzee Swamp
Pablo - But his dugout canoe
Kim - Sprang a leak, maybe two
Rosie - But he got there and arrived in some pomp. well, with a name like that....
Pablo - I've discovered a whizzo new game
Phil - I just need to think up a name
Juxtapose - There's only one rule:
Marc - You must play like a fool,
Raak - And never make two moves the same.
Marc - I suggest that we start with this line,
Raak - "There was an old man of Loch Fyne"
Simons Mith - And then for the second,
Juxtapose - A rhyme which is reckoned
Giertrud - Would be absolutely divine!
Allow me -
Phil - The Doctor's re-written the past
cfm - And Who else but he could recast
Marc - But the Great Originator
Mom - Or the grim terminator
Pablo - (We're desperate to make this series last)
Marc - There once was a cool desperado
Rosie - Who claimed t'have written The Mikado
Kim - On the opening night [Rosie] I'd have put the "'t" next to Mikado
Ann - He just started to fight
Phil - With a G & S afficionado
Rosie - (Kim) I had no particular reason to imply boreality. Isn't this sound really just a glottal stop attached t'' previous word? You can't really alter title o'' work. There ought to be a symbol for it.
Software - Christmas is upon us
penelope - 'Oh no it's not!' we shout Oh no it's not.
penelope - oh poop. I've glow-wormed rather than limericked. Ignore my post.
Raak - "'Tis! 'tis!" responds the chorus It was glow-wormed from the start
Moniker -
Software - Now Christmas is soon upon us
Penelope - 'Oh no it is not!' what's the fuss
Raak - "'Tis! 'tis!" all in chorus
Santa - My brains may be porous
Moniker - I refuse these five lines to discuss.
Phil - Or:
Christmas is upon us
"Oh no it's not!" we shout
"'Tis! 'tis!" responds the chorus
So that all came to nowt
Marc - There once was a Limerick class,
Chalky - For the bad rhyme and rhythm dumbass
Kim - When it came to the test
Phil - They duly confessed
Pablo - 'Twas unlikely their scansion would pass
Rosie - Inspired by the moon, as I am
Pablo - To snort and to rut like a ram
penelope - On this cloudy night
Phil - I gave Boris a fright
Giertrud - And stole his tart filled with yam. (View the source to read the hidden text)
Marc - Today is the day when it's done
penelope - I've dared be tattooed with a pun
Software - This indelible mark
Raak - Is a jolly good lark
Chalky - And a tribute to my only sun
KagomeShuko - Jacob the Third from Dunlevy
Pablo - Drove round the block in his Chevvy
Juxtapose - His miles-per-gallon
Stevie - (View the source to read the hidden text)
(View the source to read the hidden text)
Impressed Jimmy Fallon
penelope - But the rhymes that he chose were not clevvy Dunlevy? Chevy? Purlease!!! *repeats rant about poor rhyming and scansion from MCiOS*
Body dangling from self-hoisted petard, the spare lanyard from which goes to make up a horizontal rule -
Raak - [pen] It's enough to make one go out on a bevvy.
Rosie - (Raak) I need little persuasion.
There's a man outside with a beard
Marc - And a cap with three bobbles so weird
Phil - He says he's from Spain
Software - And arrived on the train
Raak - And he'll stay till the weather has cleared.
Stevie - [pen] (View the source to read the hidden text)
Phil - My brother is sporting a hat
Rosie - In which he just looks a twat (Phil) I'm sure he's not.
Phil - (View the source to read the hidden text)
Stevie - With his knob-ended cane
Raak - And arched eyebrow so vain
Marc - He looks smart but is still the same brat.
Marc - My cuckoo clock seem to be hatching
penelope - A plot for a plague that's so catching
Raak - The mould in its thatch
Phil - Is almost a match
Chalky - For the lepidote nose you've been scratching.
Raak - [Chalky] Thank you for the new word I have learned today.
The lexicographical treasures
Marc - Onomatopoetical pleasures
CdM - Neological joys
penelope - Of semantical toys
Phil - To be found in thrasonical measures.
Raak - Let us dabble and stolch in the wood
Software - And not do the things that we should
Pablo - Let us shout, run and laugh
CdM - With the riff and the raff
Robin Hood - Rob the poor - let's get rich, understood...?
Marc - I wonder who's kissing her now?
Rosie - Probably death - poor cow.
All - And also who's teaching her how
Juxtapose - To make our rhyme scheme more lowbrow
Scansion police - There once was a withered old rose
Whose weak mind was set writing prose
And the non-scanning lines
Gave no points only fines
And the reason for this no one knows…
Marc - I still wonder but will never know
Giertrud - Just where did my other sock go?
Rosie - It's gone - it's a myst'ry
Juxtapose - That stocking is hist'ry oblig.
Software - I'll wear odd'uns - d'yer think it'll show?
Random Line Generator -
Pablo - There's just enough time left I think
Raak - 'Fore the cosmic heat-death, for a drink
Phil - A cocktail perhaps?
Kim - Or a sherry? Or schnapps?
Marc - Or maybe champagne that is pink?
Marc - "I am not one of those" - said miss Lola
Rosie - "Who drinks all that much Coca-Cola"
KagomeShuko - "I much prefer Sprite"
Juxtapose - she said, "though I might
Projoy - give a miss to that batch marked 'Ebola'"
Stevie - (View the source to read the hidden text)
Rosie - (Projoy) Too late; it's gone viral.
Phil - What Stevie said. I spent half an hour last night trying to thing of a 5th line. Perfect!
I really must try having sex
Marc - With a new miss - I don't miss my ex
Mrs. X - Come and take me tonight?
Raak - While my bloke's out of sight?
Rosie - Sorry, I'm rat-arsed on Becks.
Marc - The inmate in cell number six
Rosie - Has some rather strange facial tics
penelope - His lack of straight face
Pablo - Ensures him a place
KagomeShuko - With many famed physical comics.
Phil - Really?
I play bass guitar in a band
Marc - And I'm using both left and right hand
Rosie - Which one does what
Pablo - Is not easy to spot
Kim - I'm the fastest jazzman in the land!
[Phil] I also play bass in a band.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RvkZSm68JLE&feature=youtu.be
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eOLmX3PBHS0
Phil - [Kim] I don't. I don't even play bass, but I do have a valid poetic licence :-)
Marc - One day I was drunk and I sang
Software - But the words got mixed up with slang
Phil - I cursed and I swore
Raak - And I said, "Ruddigore!"
Pablo - And what is much worse, cried "Fertang!!!!!"
KagomeShuko - Three dogs, a goat, and a bird
penelope - In a curry; we are not inured
Chalky - Let's all dine elsewhere
Raak - On a hamster eclair
Marc - That's preferably shaven - not furred.
Marc - If we are what we eat I'm an ox
penelope - That has lived in a small cardboard box
Simons Mith - Been steeped well in beer
Rosie - And thus of good cheer
Phil - While I am a bagel and lox
penelope - I'm sorry, I can't hold your coat
Pablo - I'm trying to de-worm the goat
Raak - If you hold it for me
Marc - Making sure it won't pee
penelope - I can shove the pill right down its throat "I'll see what I can do, Mr 'erriot"
Software - Today there is wind, rain and flood
Marc - And tomorrow brings storm, hail and mud
Raak - The day after, thick snow
Rosie - With a strong Arctic blow It ain't gonna happen, folks.
Kim - The year (well, thus far) is a dud
Chalky - It pains me to point out the truth
Raak - But you're getting quite long in the tooth
CdM - If I might be so bold
Pablo - You're quite startlingly old
Rosie - But no longer the once-uncouth youth. forsooth
Marc - I won't tell you a secret I know
Juxtapose - Instead, watch this pantomime show
Phil - The clue's in the name
penelope - Of the bellowing dame
Chalky - But the answer lies deep down below
CdM - A logician, a priest, and a Scot
Raak - Was the Reverend Hamish McStott
Phil - A writer and thinker
Marc - And moderate drinker
Chalky - Yet best known for his huge you-know-what
Rosie - Now what is this thing that's so big?
penelope - Because bragging is so infra dig
Pablo - An item of dress?
Marc - Or a way to impress?
Software - No, an enormous big flying pig
penelope - I exist on a diet of fruit
Phil - Which I store in a Wellington boot
Raak - The sludge in the toe
Marc - I gobble like a sow
Chalky - Whilst grunting chacun à son goût
Pablo - I'm really enjoying this pie
Phil - Though it has left me wondering why
Raak - The ingredients list
Rosie - Was so widely dissed
Marc - What's wrong with dried tadpoles and larvae of flesh fly? (a big and nourishing pie it was...)
Marc - When apples and cherries we mix
Software - Something we do just for kicks
KagomeShuko - We make lemonade
Pablo - To sip in the shade
penelope - And whittle ourselves cocktail sticks A bit lacklustre. Eyes'n'teeth next time, guys'n'gals, eyes'n'teeth!
It's an actor's poor life that I lead
Marc - I can barely afford smoking weed
Pablo - While learning the Bard
Raak - Is not all that hard
Phil - It would help if I first learnt to read
Rosie - I've told you a number of times
Raak - That I'll never be caught for my crimes
Marc - I'm so cunning and smart
Software - That they call me a tart
Pooh - Moi? I'm the Macavity of Mimes For when a crime's discovered then Macavity's not there!
Phil - My mother is losing her mind
Juxtapose - Because of a contract she signed
Rosie - In which she agreed (Pooh) Does that include your own crimes of scansion?
Raak - To always wear tweed
Chalky - And a necklace of smoked bacon rind
Raak - We shall soon start the season of Lent
Kim - When the rules of abstention are bent
Rosie - To make us believe
KagomeShuko - It is now time to heave
Marc - BMI by some fifty percent... http://www.seriouseats.com/2011/01/culinary-ambassadors-swedish-semla-fastlagsbulle-pastry-bun-lent-shrove-tuesday.html
Marc - Still my Body Mass Index is low
Software - My ribcage is always on show
Pablo - My skinny white arms
penelope - Are the least of my charms
Neophyte - Whilst the best may be felt down below
Rosie - The means by which pussycats purr
Juxtapose - Are shrouded in mys'try and fur
Marc - Have they motors inside?
Neophyte - Or a resonant hide?
Simons Mith - Do they blend a buzz with a whirr?
Pablo - I've a large pot of organic glue
Marc - That's made from the hooves of zebras and gnu
Neophyte - ‘Endangered’, you say ?
irach - I've seen herds in Calais
penelope - Where there's lions and elephants too
I've a question for someone who knows
Chalky - About pobbles and their lack of toes:
Pablo - Are they toeless all day?
Neophyte - Does it hinder their play?
Rosie - At darts, do they get extra goes?
Chalky - [P,P,N,R] delightful stuff :)
Chalky - It's true what they say about poker
Rosie - That they play with a pack with no Joker
Software - That your face must be blank
Neophyte - Like a true mountebank
penelope - Lose a mill? Oh, that's just mediocre.
Neophyte - If you play at pontoon or roulette
Marc - Make sure that you use your lorgnette
Rosie - To distinguish between
Pablo - The black, red and green
Software - And to ensure that you place the right bet
Rosie - The Ides of March did for Caesar
Neophyte - As noted by some Stratford geezer
Software - It turned out his mate
Marc - Finished forth his sad fate (et tu, Brute?)
Chalky - With a staged and dramatic crowd-pleaser
Pablo - While oop in the north, sat Macbeth
Neophyte - Ignoring the portents of death
Raak - When Birnam Wood came
Chalky - He was right in the frame
Marc - In the long run though gave up his breath...
Marc - It is springtime - or so I was told,
Neophyte - So why is my sun lounge so cold ?
Raak - The air from Siberia
penelope - Makes the temp so inferior
Chalky - Now fetch me a servant to scold!
Neophyte - My lawn's taken over by moss
Pablo - But really, I don't give a toss
Software - Roll on the next drought
Chalky - When the sun is about
Marc - 'cause tonight we will play the lacrosse...
Marc - There are the rules how to pick up a girl
Typo -
There are rules how to pick up a girl
Neophyte - Keep back straight, bend at knees, never curl
Raak - When she's hoisted on board
Juxtapose - Don't lean backward or for'ard
Chalky - And present with Les Pêcheurs De Perles
penelope - But beware if you pick up a man
Neophyte - In a dress, thigh-high boots, and a tan
Stevie - For that thong will conceal
Marc - That his balls made of steel
Rosie - Are prosthetic and his real name is Anne.
Software - Transvestism is such a drag
Neophyte - That seldom of it do folk brag
Pablo - They prefer to disguise
Marc - Then show up with surprise
Giertrud - When you push them down off of a crag!
Marc - Once again we are fooled by the spring
Neophyte - And the thought of the joys it will bring
Rosie - Ooh, I dunno
Saint John -
It's a fact I don't know
'cause they've stepped on my toe
And I think a lament I will sing.
Marc - I think we have heard it before
Neophyte - And we'll hear it again, I am sure
Raak - It is on the "tee-vee"
Lurker - In the tabloids, I see
Software - And followed on You Tube what's more
Rosie - It's April the First, take great care
Marc - For Lurkers and snipers beware
Pablo - And old men in coats
Raak - Selling tuppenny groats
Stevie - Who, furthermore, really aren't there.
Marc - There once was a farmer who said:
Pooh - "By golly, I'd come out ahead
Pablo - if I planted my corn
Raak - at the first glimpse of dawn
Rosie - Instead of just lying in bed." oblig.
Chalky - There's a terrible price to be paid
penelope - For allowing the curtains to fade
Software - For your neighbours will see
Raak - All your efforts to pee
Tuj - Into cans marked "Homemade Lemonade"
Chalky - Tomorrow's the day before Sunday
penelope - And in turn, that's the day before Monday oblig.[C, p, S, R, T] I larfed out loud.
Software - It is, so to speak
Raak - The end of the week
Marc - Which means that today is today??
Marc - Let's hope that it is not too late
Raak - To find someone to go on a date
Neophyte - 'Though with whom they'll go
Knobbly - It is best they don't know
Chalky - Because Ringwraiths have just sealed their fate.
Phil - While dancing an Argentine tango
Raak - With the chair of my favorite quango
Neophyte - I feigned mild surprise
Stevie - When offered third prize
Marc - In the World Championship of fandango...
Marc - I'm dancing far better than singing
Neophyte - For the music's so loud my head's ringing
Stevie - With my clogs flying high
penelope - And a slap on the thigh
Software - My suspenders buttons are pinging
Pablo - As I waltzed with a gorgeous young filly
Neophyte - Who had won more than twelve Prix Caprilli
Chalky - Her hooves got entangled
Software - (They were polished and spangled)
Lurker - And the judges' mien turned quite chilly.
penelope - I'm in need of a half-pint of tea
Software - Milk and five sugars for me
Neophyte - With my pinky outstretched
Phil - In a posture far-fetched
Kim - I'm an upper-class builder, you see
Marc - I am sure Easter Bunnies lay eggs
Stevie - I am sure that the French eat frog's legs
Neophyte - But grenouilles à la Pâques
Pablo - Mixed with various tabacs
Rosie - Is surely against EU regs.
Juxtapose - This Friday is s'posed to be good
Neophyte - 'Though why, I have ne'er understood
Stevie - Getting nailed to a tree
Chalky - Is not my cup of tea
Raak - And He would agree, if he could. Matthew 26:39
Neophyte - Palm Sunday, it came and it went
Stevie - And I on tequila was bent
Pablo - This was not a good way
Kim - On that most Holy Day
Rosie - To do what you can't during Lent.
Stevie - For breakfast there's chocolate egg
Phil - Then a cute Easter lamb's roasted leg
Software - For tea chocolate bunny
Neophyte - (Bought with your chocolate money !)
Marc - And as 'nightcap' a chocolate beer keg...
penelope - We don't have resources for that
Neophyte - When brayed by an aristocrat
Pablo - Sounds more than just mean
Software - In fact quite obscene
Lurker - And confirms that the speaker's a prat.
Raak - My airship has sprung a small leak
Rosie - It hisses away as I speak
penelope - And we're losing our height I thought it best not to use 'altitude'
Neophyte - Shed weight as we might
Chalky - 'Tis probably best to say 'Eek'
Chalky - My bungee just needs a small tweak
Pablo - To cancel its nerve-shredding shriek
Raak - When I leap into space
Neophyte - All my fears I efface
Stevie - But there might be a small "trouser leak"
Neophyte - To Ypres we journey next week
Stevie - Me grandad's gold watch we shall seek
Phil - He was killed by a bomb
Lurker - (Though he died with aplomb)
Chalky - Whilst winning a game of bezique
penelope - There might be just time for one more
Pablo - Ere we stagger toward the pub door
Rosie - Which just won't keep still
Marc - And the floor lean uphill
Chalky - And my balance do sheem rather poor
Kim - Oh, show me the way to go home
Pablo - It's quite near the Milleneum Dome
penelope - Where gentrification
Phil - Improved the location
Rosie - And you'll not see one garden gnome.
CdM - I showed my heart to the doctor Notes: 1. (c) L. Cohen; 2. Stressed on "I", "heart", and "doc". 3. Not the easiest rhyme, but plenty of possibilities.
Software - But my advances seemed to have shocked her
Juxtapose - My wild EKG
Kim - And advanced Housemaid's Knee
Phil - Meant my chances were slim to verkakte
Chalky - So I chose a complete transplantation
KagomeShuko - But the doc heard me say "a castration."
Pablo - I've a great sense of loss
Software - But I don't give a toss
Rosie - Let alone an insemination.
penelope - Here I stand with my new bits and pieces
Neophyte - Two curbs and some liquefied fæces
KagomeShuko - The doc says I'll be better
Chalky - With bowels that are wetter
Marc - Though my waistline constantly increases...
Neophyte - When pond'ring a change of one's gender
Software - And update to parts oh so tender
Marc - Make sure that you choose
Lurker - To gain, not to lose
Pablo - All the bits that will scream "I'm a bender!"
Neophyte - If gard'ning were truly a joy
Stevie - It would not make my back scream out "Oi!"
penelope - And the bloody great weeds
Rosie - Which nobody needs
Lurker - Would leave here and plague οἱ πολλοὶ.
Raak -
αι'β ντισαιντεντ του τιτχ μαισελφ Γρεικ
underlined -
Marc - There once was a line so correct
Software - Even Rosie found if perfect
Rosie - It's yet to be written (Softers) What's come over you? That line is so awful
Chalky - Oh dearie dearie me ... yet another dreary self-referential limerick which has already been cocked up. Thought we'd moved on from these. Well I now qualify as a grumpy old woman so I dare - without fear or favour - to start anew!
Chalky - I once met a Somerset farmer
Phil - I confess, he was rather a charmer
Neophyte - Or should I say "she" ?
Pablo - For we failed to agree
Software - It's a gender dysphoric drama [Rosie, Chalks] perhaps I should have spelt "it" correctly and hyphenated per-fect, I think it scans then.
Phil - I can fit a whole pint in my mug Hastily re-written to avoid leaving "pint" at the end of the line!
Rosie - Straight-sided, curvy or jug (Softers) Yeah, all right. :-)
penelope - Beer, cider or tea
Raak - Or fermented sheep's pee
Neophyte - And it pours with an audible "glug"
Raak - I've decided to teach myself Greek (which is what that line of squiggles earlier was a transliteration of)
Neophyte - Be a scholar, and not just a geek
Phil - But my transliteration [Raak] Ah, I couldn't for the life of me work out what the 2nd word was supposed to be. Why not use a δ (delta) instead of ντ?
Raak - Because in modern Greek, δ is a voiced "th", and "ντ" is used for the "d" sound.
penelope - Brings much obfuscation
Marc - So now a new teacher I'll seek. Sorry for screwing things up but my neighbour (who is Greek) told me it was an incorrect line without sense...
Marc - My friend said her love was platonic
Phil - I said "Yeah, and my screwdriver's sonic!" [Raak] Fair enough. I only did Ancient Greek.
Neophyte - Night and day we then screwed
Lurker - Yet all sex we eschewed
Raak - Our IKEA decor is hedonic.
penelope - A weekend, a flat-pack and you...
Raak - O, think of the things we could do!
Marc - Crawl around on the floor
Neophyte - With the one you adore
Software - Seeking that ill-usive screw
Pablo - When it comes to assembling a bed
Neophyte - It will help if you stand on your head
Lurker - With your tool in your hand
Raak - You will soon make it stand
Marc - And may finish your screwing - 'nuff said...
Neophyte - As I lay in my bed, fast asleep
Raak - My eyebrows endeavoured to creep
penelope - Through the hole in the floor
KagomeShuko - Seeing quite a bit more
Chalky - Than Tom could when he too did Peep
penelope - The Energy Minister said:
Neophyte - "Uranium decays into lead"
Software - And wind is erratic
Lurker - So let's be Socratic
Stevie - Shall we burn solar panels, instead?
Phil - The barbecue season approaches
Pablo - Ah! The smell of fried ants and roaches!
Kim - The carbonised meat
Rosie - The gale, the sleet
Neophyte - And the jibes from the toffs in their coaches.
Raak - Burnt meat is my favorite dish!
Rosie - But have you tried decomposed fish?
Neophyte - With its fragrant bouquet
blamelewis - (Which will not go away)
Phil - It's really quite edible...ish.
penelope - I'm checking the facts about you
Software - But Google's removed quite a few
Raak - You've got something to hide!
Neophyte - (Slipped a rozzer in snide ?!)
Stevie - Never mind, I'll recheck with Yahoo!
Stevie - Is that drone flying overhead yours?
Chalky - And if so - would you kindly press 'pause'?
Neophyte - Or 'fast forward', at least
Pablo - For I don't like that beast
Lurker - Or the stains that it leaves in my drawers.
The Bakerloo Line (brown, like the stains left in Lurker's drawers) -
Marc - This summer I think I will go
Neophyte - In search of the midnight sun's glow
Software - So north I will trek
Stevie - Dressed as a Dalek
Chalky - On skis - but they're just for show
Pablo - This year it's the beach for me!
Software - Sex, sun, sand and the sea!
Raak - Then clubbing all night!
Neophyte - 'Till I wake, with a fright
Stevie - , A rash and a bed full of wee
Rosie - The best lines are so lavatorial
Software - True since times immemorial
Phil - This toilet-based verse
Stevie - May sound turgid, or terse
Neophyte - But can ofttimes sound quite professorial
Stevie - On my birthday: a new record from Yes Trudat.
Phil - I've poor musical taste, I confess.
Software - These aged rock bands
Rosie - With their wrinkly old hands
Pablo - Are mostly now dead, at a guess
Stevie - [Pablo] You'd be wrong though. 8o)
Rosie - The genteel folk of Milngavie
Stevie - Have a predisposition to spy
blamelewis - While the neds of Bearsden
Chalky - Keep mum in a pen .. haven't a clue what you're all on about ...
Raak - And the nellies of Niddrie just cry. Me neither.
Rosie - This, or something like it, is what was intended:
The genteel folk of Milngavie
Are enamoured of actor Bill Navie
They see him on telly
Their legs turn to jelly
He's even a hit in Mumbavie.
Falstaff - Maude was a Tourette's Syndrome duck
Stevie - Who's offbeat quack made people say "f*ck" [Rosie] Sorry. *shrugs*
Chalky - She'd then nod and twitch ... preferred ours -sorry Rosie ;)
Software - This web-footed bitch
blamelewis - Was she fowl mouthed or just full of pluck?
Stevie - I turned on the water and found
Chalky - Some colombian roast - freshly ground
Software - Mixed in a pot
Pablo - With some added shallot
Raak - Its taste is both piquant and round.
penelope - So what on the menu today?
Stevie - A Gooseberry/Duck Beak paté!
Raak - A durian mélange
Chalky - Served with whisky blancmange
Pablo - Mixed together at 10 quid a tray
The Chorus - Olé!
CdM - Hark! Hear the words of the chorus
Raak - For speech, set to music, can't bore us although I draw the line at Monteverdi's "L'Incoronazione di Poppea"
Stevie - If Thatcher had sung
penelope - Of the plight of the young No idea where this one is going to end up
Phil - She'd have seemed less like Tyrannosaurus or (View the source to read the hidden text)
Stevie - Bravo! Good finish.
Stevie - Throw the switches now Igor, be quick!
Phil - Give the Tesla coils just one more flick (View the source to read the hidden text)
Juxtapose - My morbid creation
penelope - Gets a tingling sensation
Raak - And a very enjoyable prick.
Pablo - There's a part of me just wants to die
Chalky - For the life of me I don't know why
Kim - But I can't really ask it
Stevie - Why the yen for the casket
Rosie - Affects ulnars and both radii.
penelope - I'm feeling it deep in my bones Good finish, Rosie
Stevie - It's time to change all my ringtones
Rosie - Their Wagnerian gloom (pen) You are nice lady.
Phil - Bears a portent of doom
Raak - That I don't want to hear from my phones.
Stevie - Oooh I liked the way that one worked out. Nice going, everyone else.
Software - This morning as I had my shower
penelope - The lack of shampoo made me glower
Rosie - So I grabbed the carbolic
Blamelewis - lest I turn vitriolic
Marc - Now my black hair smell like 'Sweet and sour'.
Marc - Motivation will come from within
Raak - Get that right and you're certain to win
Simons Mith - Check Facebook and Twitter
penelope - As you sit on the shitter No point warning you in advance of that, was there? You all knew it was coming. Far too hot for a coat.
Phil - Rise up and be strong! Or fall in.
Tuj - By unceasingly talking in riddles
Rosie - You can get away with most fiddles
Raak - But the clear light of reason
Marc - In this rainy dry season
CdM - Should help exclude most muddy middles
blamelewis - Last time I regressed to the mean
Software - I created a terrible scene
Rosie - 'Cos I was once bimodal
penelope - And hacking the code'll
Marc - Make everyone turn red (or green?)
Marc - Encrypted persistence persist
penelope - Just try saying that when you're pissed! UK English meaning of Pissed (n.) in a state of intoxication through alcohol.
Phil - Saliva will flow
Neophyte - Whilst your cheeks flush and glow
Raak - Inspissated inspectors insist!
Rosie - A great deal of effort is spent
Raak - To decide what to give up for Lent
Simons Mith - And if you give up
Stevie - Giving up have a cup
Marc - of Darjeeling with Rhum, max percent.
Marc - I can feel there's a storm coming up
Rosie - 'Bout Qatar and the World Cup
Software - Some dodgy dealing
Stevie - And wheeling (with feeling)
Rosie - So FIFA's corrupt, is it? Yup. I have taken the liberty as this one had become a bit of a wallflower.
Phil - A guinea pig once came to stay
Software - So I made it at home with some hay
Rosie - I plied it with wine
Neophyte - Which it thought was divine
Marc - My best bottle Grand Cru Cabernet.
Marc - A guinea pigs life must be hard
Phil - As they tussle for scraps in the yard
Pablo - Competing with cats
Raak - Hiding from vampire bats
Software - While reciting the words of the Bard
Chalky - I once bought a pig for a guinea
Marc - 'twas pink and so thin - almost skinny
penelope - But feeding it well
Rosie - Soon caused it to swell
CdM - And now it won't fit in my mini
Simons Mith - I once had a skirt-wearing pig
Raak - For convention it cared not a fig
Rosie - For instance, its snout
Software - would run like a spout
Marc - And its butt was enormously big.
Marc - While preparing my sugar cured ham
Pablo - I thought I would use damson jam
Raak - 'Tis both piquant and sweet
Giertrud - And I do love to eat
Stevie - Jam-ham a-la damson, by damn!
Stevie - While watching a Colin Firth flick
Phil - He started to get on my wick
Kim - His monotonous voice
Marc - Reading novels by J a m e s J o y c e
blamelewis - Make a portrait of me being sick [Marc] Just "Joyce" would have scanned better, perhaps?
Marc :-) -
Raak - I don't want to get out of bed
penelope - I'd rather stay tucked in instead
Pablo - Being all safe and warm
Rosie - And farting a storm
Marc - Leaving blankets and sheets widely spread.
Pablo - As the autumnal mists descend
Raak - O'er the lea the kine their slow way wend
Marc - The ploughman homeward plods
Elderly - While worshiping his Gods
Thomas Gray - And leaves the world to darkness m'friend...
http://www.poetsgraves.co.uk/Classic%20Poems/Gray/elegy_written_in_a_country_churc.htm
Stevie - Oh goody, more fog o'er the land
Rosie - So thick that you can't see your hand as people say....
penelope - Don't use your fog lights would seem to be the rule, especially for silver or grey cars
Marc - And don't dress in whites
Knobbly - But drive home at 60 as planned
Underliner -
Marc - As a senior player I think,
Kim - Young Rosie should give up the drink
Software - Such libelous chat
Rosie - Ignores the fact that
Phil - He's not drite the thunk that you quink
Marc - I once had a wee dram too much
Rosie - The courage it gave me was Dutch (View the source to read the hidden text)
Stevie - I confronted a copper
Kim - And riled him up proper
Chalky - By booting his hat into touch
penelope - But now I am perfectly merry
Marc - 'cause I'm soaking my muesli in sherry
Pablo - I have gin with my chips
Raak - And a song on my lips
Phil - That I learnt from a young Mary Berry
Tuj - I pogoed again, down the road
Marc - Jumping just like a green, horny toad
Stevie - Quite why, I don't know
Rosie - But it does go to show
Software - With long springy legs I'm bestowed
Stevie - "Up, up and away!" the man cried
Rosie - "Gravity, it shall be defied"
Pablo - With a mighty great leap
Raak - He collapsed in a heap
Marc - Levitated - and finally died...
penelope - I could do that just one more time
Phil - But this time perform it in mime
Kim - With music by Sting
Software - Or Wag-n-er's ring
Raak - Or "Buddy, can you spare a dime?"
penelope - I have no idea what this could
Raak - have been meant to do, nor what it would
Phil - But I think that it might
Pablo - expire by tonight
Marc - unless otherwise stated - stay for good.
Giertrud - If it is dark during the day
penelope - [Gietrud] Excuse me, but I think your metre needs adjusting
Giertrud - If it remains dark in the day
Penelope - There'll no chance for us to make hay
Stevie - [penelope] Excuse me, but I think your metre needs adjusting:
penelope - There'll be no chance for us to make hay
Stevie - Then again, I'm no farmer
Rosie - But still quite a charmer (View the source to read the hidden text)
Marc - And I lay the damsels - if they pay...
Marc - The wine of the day is Chablis
Raak - But waiter! My soup! There's a flea!
Pablo - On my spoon there's a bug!
Phil - There's a wasp in my mug
Stevie - I wonder what lurks in the brie?
penelope - The beast in the cheese is extinct
Phil - But the rat in the crackers just winked!
Pablo - And the worm in the peas
Software - Has knobbly knees
Stevie - So I wonder: Is L.S.D. linked?
Phil - [Stevie et al.] Jolly well done!
Marc - Dear Jedi, I'm writing this note:
Raak - I think we should all have a vote
Pablo - About using the Force
Software - (Caref'ly of course)
Stevie - Or a bucket to bail out this boat
[Pablo] "Force" was an unkind rhyme to offer another
penelope - Be gentle when off'ring a rhyme
Rosie - No oranges please; it's a crime
Kim - And please let it scan
Raak - Just as well as it can
Marc - Then forever will bells and gongs chime!
Marc - I have planned to take up my qi gong
Pablo - And this, I don't think, is too wrong
Raak - My hara is sound
Anna - And both feet on the ground
Wong - I can feel there's new blood in my dong.
Marc - Mister Wong in your eyes I can see
Raak - That though old, you stand firm as a tree
gil - 'Acupuncture' you say
Software - Is why you stay
Raak - [Software] Might it be "the reason" instead of "why"?
Pablo - up all night on just one cup of tea.
Software - A buxom showgirl from Brazil (trad)
Marc - Said her boobs had got valves for refill
Raak - The left dispensed beer
Pablo - But the right looked quite queer
Stevie - And t'would only produce rancid swill
Stevie - Red Barrel, Red Barrel,
Red Barrel men said "the same again"
Took a fistful of flavour
First class beer!
Phil - [Stevie] I'm considering buying this glass and installing it in my local as "Phil's glass", for purely ironic purposes, as the pub has dozens of CAMRA awards.
Stevie - [Phil] Sweet Theakston's on a Bike! That's an ugly glass without the logo!
Stevie - Last night as I sat in the snug
gil - A banking clerk gave me a hug
Rosie - So not every banker
Phil - Is riddled with rancour
Software - But was nevertheless very smug
Stevie - In a small pub in Cornwall I found
Phil - Some scrumpy for under a pound
gil - This dangerous tipple
Rosie - Rots the brain, so UKIP'll Not to be opened until the end. (View the source to read the hidden text)
Marc - Make sure that the Union is drowned...
Marc - "Mister Nigel, I think you are wrong,"
New Deal -
Claiming 'Arbeit macht frei' was a song
That the Nazis once sang
When a Jew they had hang
And that Cameron now sings along
Marc - It's December and Santa's awake [New Deal]Why not try http://www.rab.org.uk/mc/mc.php?tid=138#bottom ?
penelope - to the fraudsters and makers of fake unifini..
Kim - X-Box Ones, PS4s
Stevie - And it sure gives him pause unfinity or thinks
Pablo - to think of these crooks on the make.
Stevie - My old Van Der Graaf's on the blink
Marc - With a megavolt spark that is pink
penelope - It's stopped making static
Pablo - Its behaviour's erratic
gil - And the noise... you can't hear yourself think!
blamelewis - Is there some sort of shindig next week?
Stevie - If so, then the outlook is bleak
Pablo - I've maxed out my card
Rosie - From the pub I've been barred
Marc - Nonetheless I am off to take a leak...
Marc - If you walk 'bout a mile heading west
Pablo - Wearing naught but a grotty string vest
Raak - You'll be stopped by police
Stevie - Wearing vinyl and fleece
Rosie - Who'll say you're improperly dressed.
Stevie - Five four three two one LIGHT THE FUSE!
Marc - Firework legislation we'll abuse! (Happy New Year all!)
Pablo - As the district burns down
Software - We'll be out on the town
Anna - Runnin' wild - crawling pubs - hit the booze.
Pablo - The New Year has brought gloom and dismay
Software - For Charlie Hebdo, so they say
Marc - Life goes on - nice and swift
Anna - Though for most somewhat miffed
penelope - Live on, but die another day. Mercy killing, if you'll excuse the phrase. The stalling of this limerick for a week possibly supports my hypothesis that there are better channels for serious commentary on terrorist atrocities. (I come here to be entertained and show off.)
Marc - The chief mistress of Louis XV (Fifteen, n'est-ce pas?)
Phil - Had much better legs than his Queen
Rosie - And as for her bust Well done, pen; it was becoming a right clunker.
Software - If it hadn't been trussed
Stevie - T'would have sagged somewhere south of her spleen
Rosie - Finance, it's all Greek to me
Simons Mith - And it's mostly a Greek trag ed ee
Pablo - But the show must go on
Software - 'Tho the coffers are gone
Stevie - Next up: The Great Greek de fault ee.
Chalky - I once scaled the Rock of Gibraltar
Raak - To meet with my bride at the altar
Kim - My ardour then wilted
Marc - I said somewhat stilted
Software - When I found that her real name was Walter
Stevie - I once strolled the beaches of Wales
penelope - Consid'ring successes and fails
Pablo - With the thought in my head
Raak - "Am I better off dead?"
Marc - So I jumped off the cliff - left no trails...
penelope - My dear mortal coil is unwound
Raak - By a process of reason unsound
Stevie - With a match, a gas leak Not until it's over (View the source to read the hidden text)
Marc - We'll fly high, with a shriek
Rosie - And five miles away, hit the ground.
penelope - In my an-nu-al HR appraisal Careful now...
Kim - I was told that my tone is too nasal
Rosie - So I blocked up by doze
Marc - With some sweat from by toez
Stevie - Ad disguised duh sbell wid widge hazal
Rosie - In order to play the bassoon
penelope - You must warm up from April to June
Software - But when playing the flute
Raak - You just give a quick toot
Pablo - and blow (but you'll be out of tune)
Raak - My tax return's well overdue
Rosie - But HMRC, they can stew
penelope - The money I owe
Marc - For my 'petite Chateau'
Stevie - Has been spent on a cruise. Toodle-oo!
Marc - Last night as I went to 'de loo
Raak - An owl in the dark said "too-woo"
penelope - If you're hoping to pee
Stevie - Please don't wee over me
Rosie - Or I'll spray you with my number two. ( thanks, Mother)
penelope - Last night, as I dreamt of my beau
Pablo - My face was suffused with a glow
Stevie - 'Twas not mere desire (View the source to read the hidden text) Not til it's done.
Raak - That kindled my fire
Marc - 'Twas the treasure concealed down below.
Stevie - Last night as I grouted some tiles
Simons Mith - I tested my masculine wiles (View the source to read the hidden text)
Rosie - I said to my wife
Software - Please pass me that knife
penelope - She stabbed me, but I was all smiles. Muahahahahaha!
Stevie - Last night I was out of my wits
Software - As I searched the bird-table for tits
Marc - All I found was some seed
penelope - And something to read It's a bit nippy out, I will take a coat if you don't mind...
Pablo - -in the chaos of life, it all fits.
Marc - This bright Monday morning I'm on
Stevie - Benzedrine. I'd take more, but they're gone.
Kim - Still, life is just dandy
penelope - Cos I took them with brandy or shandy
Rosie - For synergistifica-shon.And rather poor rhythm.
Marc - I can think - I can read - I can write
Pablo - My classification is "bright"
Phil - But I just can't do sums
Raak - So I'm put with the dumbs
Rosie - Which I think of as rather a slight.
penelope - Top marks for the last one!
But you're boring, you're boring as hell
Rosie - You're up there with Wisty, E. L.
Software - You drone on and on
Stevie - 'Til all sentience is gone
Marc - What is left is just unpleasant smell...
penelope - What a pain to have bagged the first line again
Software - For some that's a terrible strain
Pablo - It challenges the wits
Stevie - And is very annoying following Software's lead
Kim - But turns out alright in the end
There was a young man of Dundee
Who was stung on the neck by a wasp
When asked if it hurt
He replied "Not a bit,
It can do it again if it likes"
One of my favourites. And now, back to our usual program...
How much do you want for that horse?
Stevie - (I can see you have "Foxhunt Remorse")
Raak - Shall we say thirty quid?
Marc - That's my last final bid
Phil - (three dots and sev'n dashes in Morse).
Stevie - Huzzah! Pop'n'crisps all round!
Rosie - "Excuse me", I said to this bloke
mARC - "Can you lend me a bob for a coke?"
Phil - He looked in my eyes
Stevie - (That's a trick I despise)
Software - Said "No, here's some pot you can smoke."
Raak - I say! What a hideous hat!
Kim - What on earth possessed you to wear that?
Rosie - 'Snot a hat, it's a mitre
Pablo - And it feels so much lighter
Pope Marc the second - Than the halo i wear in the Vat'...
Marc - It is Friday and life is so good
Stevie - Can't be bothered to work, though I should
Software - I'll sneak out to the pub
Raak - For a pint and some grub
Pablo - And drink more than I normally would
Rosie - An evening in front of the telly
Stevie - A South Bank Show rerun (George Melly)
Kim - A pizza, some beers
Software - Then a rerun of Cheers
Pablo - And a great rumbling sound in my belly
Stevie - A protesting voice I must raise
Rosie - Against your lascivious gaze
Software - My face is up here
gil - So please transfer that leer
Marc - To a smile that confirms my boobs you praise
penelope - [Marc] I think you were too keen to get your boobs into that last line. I can imagine you're proud of them, but I think you could have tried harder to make them fit. Shocking scansion there, miss.
Rosie - There was a young fellow from Hull pronounciation ad lib
Raak - Who thought that the place was too dull
Marc - So he signed on a ship [pen] Yes, I think you are right, there’s much too few lines about boobs nowadays
Stevie - Donned a pink, silken slip
Kim - That would show off his boobs to the full
Phil - While donning my pads, gloves and box (View the source to read the hidden text)
penelope - I was shocked when I found my boll-ocks If you can't beat 'em, join em, eh Marc, you mysoginistic arse?
Marc - Though my jockstrap is big[pen] I know you are rude and now you have proven to be ignorant and stupid as well, what a pity
Raak - It's stuffed with my wig
Kim - A banana and two pairs of socks
[Marc] If you must post smut (which, it seems, is all that you have to offer) at least be decent enough to make it rhyme and scan. It's probably too much to ask for it to be interesting, clever or funny as well.
Marc - A true sanctimonious mind,
Tuj - Isn't needed - you'd have to be blind u.s.a.
Black Widow - Or denying the truth
Raak - To not know what is couth
Phil - So let's all be nice and refined
Rosie - Refinement, I have it in spades (View the source to read the hidden text)
Marc - Well, at least if I look through my shades
Pablo - I'll see Rosie's demure
Phil - And raise it to 'pure'
Raak - As she wafts through the sun-dappled glades.
Software - Again, poor Rosie's changed sex
Stevie - Was it drugs and the knife, or a hex?
Kim - No, it's all in the mind
Marc - Though it's still undefined
Rosie - But not if I lower my kecks. (View the source to read the hidden text)
Pablo - I'm thrilled with the latest advance
Stevie - In captivity, they've bred a Wild Pants
Marc - It is white with red spots
blamelewis - You can play 'join the dots'
Rosie - Though its parents may well look askance.
Stevie - In Midsomer a man has been shot
Marc - There it happens more often than not
Software - It's a great place to die
Pablo - 'neath a clear English sky
Raak - Do I really think so? Not a lot.
Stevie - Thank god! Morse and Lewis are here! Netflix Binge declared.
Pablo - So tremble, ye villains, with fear!
Phil - For Oxford is filled
Rosie - With forensically skilled
Software - And detectives that drink lots of beer
Stevie - Oh well played everyone! Crisps all round!
Pablo - And as for Inspector Jack Frost
Tuj - I fear that his marbles are lost
Marc - Though when bending the rules
Chalky - And suffering fools
Rosie - That old bridge too far he had crossed.
Marc - When you sit on the rail breaking wind (A nice sailing trip anyone?)
Pablo - Having drunk too much beer that is tinned
Stevie - Spare a thought for the mate
Rosie - As you shamelessly deflate
Anna - Though my nose and my bum are thick skinned.
Software - While sorting the junk in my loft
Stevie - The rafters felt distinctly soft
Rosie - When I trod on a joist
Giertrud - I felt something moist
Raak - That gave way the moment I coughed
Marc - "It's a very fine object," *cough cough*
Rosie - It's starting, though, to go off (gough ough)
Raak - The pong goes right through
Stevie - One's sinuses to
Pablo - make stuff you'll spit into a trough.
Raak - A little tidying up:
"It's a very fine object," *cough cough*
It's starting, though, to go ough
The pong goes right through
One's sinuses tough
make stuff you'll spit into a trough.
Rosie - The maximum speed of a tortoise
Raak - Can never keep up with a porpoise Grabbing the only rhyme.
Simons Mith - With turbot installed
Marc - And the shell well close-hauled
Phil - It'll speed up until it has caught us
Software - However, the rate of the hare
Pablo - Approximates that of a bear
Stevie - If your math's a bit wonky
Simons Mith - I'm certain that Don Qui-
Giertrud - -Xote will make it all square! (View the source to read the hidden text)
Marc - Oh Lord, will you please tell me why
Phil - The cyclops has only one eye
Stevie - Yet still remains jocular
Rosie - Despite being monocular oblig.
Raak - And can't watch 3D movies on Sky.
Rosie - There was a young fellow from Reading
Stevie - Whose cat just lay sleeping and shedding
Pablo - amounts of black fur
Software - Fell out at each purr
Marc - And he sold it to Hypnos as bedding.
Stevie - When at the computer I find
Phil - I'm not in control of my mind
Software - So Cntl-Alt-Delete
Pablo - And get to my feet
Raak - And go for a jog to unwind.
Stevie - Egad! From the taps just a drip This one in sympathy for Raak. Limerick Aid
Marc - No bathing - no stiff upper lip
Rosie - I'll be a bit whiffy
Software - So I'll dip in the Liffey
Pablo - Just as long as no gals see me strip
blamelewis - It's never the greatest idea
Rosie - To start a fight on Top Gear.
Pablo - Now Chris E's the new face
Software - A ginger disgrace
Tuj - Can you hear a toss given? Not here. Sorry chaps! =)
Marc - We're on strike 'cause our wages are low
Stevie - And we're dealing the bosses a blow
Rosie - They'll have to cough up
KagomeShuko - And feed our new pup
Software - Or next we'll run a go-slow
Pablo - Is the Euro to go down the pan?
Rosie - The Greeks would cheer that to a man
Software - The Drachma'd be back
Marc - Get a meal for one sack
Alexis Tsipras - While the rest of you pay, that's my plan!
Marc - "Can ya lend me a bob 'cause I'm broke?"
Rosie - "Being totally skint is no joke"
Stevie - Haven't eaten for days
Pablo - (My "austerity" phase)
Anna - "Here's a quarter of rum and a coke."
Software - There was a young lady from Thame trad.
Rosie - Who decided to go on the game.
Kim - When she spread out her wares
Pablo - She provoked several stares
Marc - Now she's ninety - still on - with no shame...
Marc - Now please sharpen your pen and then write
Stevie - Of the joys of a Flexifoil kite
Pablo - Or just jot a few words
Rosie - On its danger to birds
Software - And the warnings of flying at night
Pablo - The last time I ate a hot curry
Raak - I had to dash off in a hurry
Stevie - My bowels were a-bubble
Marc - In the air smell of trouble
Rosie - And then the inevitable slurry
Software - well done P,B,S,M & R!
Software - On the way home last night - a kebab
Rosie - Then to A & E for a jab
Marc - Seven stitches then home
Anna - Wrapped in urethane foam
Stevie - And then off for six long weeks of rehab
KagomeShuko - I'll pay for my meal with some rupees
Rosie - E'en here in Stockton-on-Tees (KS) -You'd have got better rhythm if you'd just left out the word "some".
Kim - This Chicken Madras
Marc - Spiced with pure Sassafras
Pablo - Will bring me down to my knees
Pablo - /hr seems not to be working.....?
Lineman for the County - Allow me
Stevie - I really must protest dear sir
penelope - The print on the label's a blur
Simons Mith - The tin may have leaked
Rosie - 'Cos my kitchen, it reeked
KagomeShuko - And smelled like some rotten liqueur. (Rosie . . . um, nope, sorry . . . "Lines 1, 2 and 5 of a limerick should ideally consist of three anapests each" My first line has three anapests just like a limerick should . . . now, as for Stevie's line, it doesn't).
Raak - Compare and contrast with English as she is spoke and limericks as they be scanned:
I REAlly must PROtest dear SIR: correct metre, but "PROtest" is the noun.
I REAlly must proTEST dear SIR: "proTEST" is correct, but the metre is trying to be a different verse form:
I really must protest dear sir
This printed label's just a blur
The tin it leaked, my kitchen reeked
And smelled like déclassé liqueur.
I'll PAY for my MEAL with some RUpees: correct metre and word stress but difficult to rhyme with.
I'll PAY for my MEAL with some ruPEES: extraneous "some".
I'll PAY for my MEAL with ruPEES: correct metre, and the stress in"ruPEES" is also correct.
Marc - There once was an expert who knew [Raak] Many thanks dear Sir for the lecture, we needed it!
Stevie - Fuck all about making a stew [Raak] (View the source to read the hidden text)
penelope - The bucket of gravy Wade in, chaps.
Software - Supplied by the navy
Rosie - Had a frighteningly bright crimson hue.
Marc - "We've defeated the Spanish Armada,"
Knobbly - Cried Drake with consid'rable ardour
Rosie - We chased them round Britain
CdM - So now they're once bitten [Raak] (View the source to read the hidden text)
Software - They'll realize that we are much harder
Phil - It's Monday and i'm feeling bored
CdM - So I pull the emergency cord
Raak - The ejector seats fire
Pablo - And as I rise higher
Marc - "Where's my parachute?", Oh dear Lord!
Simons Mith - Those men in their flying machines
Rosie - Eat nothing, so it's said, but baked beans
Pablo - And for their own part
Software - The beans will impart
Marc - With brown stains on the back of their jeans...
Marc - Are you sure that this airplane is safe
Marc (Sorry but rhyming safe seem to be tricky) -
Are you sure that this airplane can fly?
Juxtapose - If it's safe we can certainly try
Pablo - So shall I take the stick?
Raak - Get aboard and be quick
blamelewis - Just don't tell the pilot! Bye-bye! [Marc] chafe, strafe, waif, Ralph? :)
silver linings in the sky -
Marc - The dark clouds that are blocking the sun
blamelewis - Remind me just what I have done
Rosie - As Guildford lies flattened
Pablo - And seemingly patterned
Software - It's a shame it can't be undone
Phil - I've wiped out the Jewel of Surrey
Chasty - She was hot - kind of cuddly and furry
Pablo - With a come-hither grin
Software - And a rather square chin
blamelewis - So don't click that link in a hurry
Rosie - If Guildford's a jewel, what's Dorking?
Phil - 'Bout 4 hours away, if you're walking.
penelope - But if you're on a bike
Pablo - There's a pub you might like
penelope - So step on! Stop standing and gawking!
Tuj - I thought that I'd broken my wrist
penelope - When I swung at your mother, and missed
Pablo - As my fist hit the wall
Software - The last thing I recall
Rosie - Was her cackling at me "You're pissed."
CdM - So here I sit, in the ER
penelope - With my elbow stuck in a jam jar
Pablo - The sixth hour has passed
blamelewis - I'm having a blast
Software - While the doctor slips off to the bar That's probably not fair and could cause a storm of protest, but all for the sake of scansion and mirth.
Rosie - The weirdos who live on the hill
Kim - Have put all their pigs on the pill
Software - So no little porkers
Pablo - Will get nobbed by rogue orcas [Softers] Oh, I do so like a challenge...
Projoy - And think what they'll save on the swill.
The chaps at Piers Gaveston think
Raak - That life is all orgies and drink
Marc - Countess Marg'ret de Clare
Phil - Had better beware
Software - Lest she'll end up in the clink which she did, BTW
Pablo - In a small, central part of my brain
Raak - Is a place ornamented with pain
Rosie - It's the fault of my mother
Marc - 'cause she killed my big brother
Projoy - And it's likely she'll yet kill again.
A student of madness would think
Simons Mith - "Funicular! Crucible! Blink!"
Pablo - or perhaps, "nadge my toes"
Phil - Or "nobody knows"
Rosie - That I normally crap in the sink.
Software - I've bought myself a winter coat true
Raak - It's made of weasel, fox, and stoat I think we've just invented the iambic limerick. Lines of 4, 4, 2, 2, and 4 feet and the usual rhyme scheme.
Rosie - It's wholly organic
penelope - So no need to panic
Marc - The collar is made from the arse of a goat Adding a few syllables as a reasonable compensation
Rosie - The good folk of Accrington, Lancs
penelope - Were often mistaken for cranks
Raak - They spun round and round
Marc - With a murmuring sound
Software - As their only football team tanks
penelope - This island is home for the night
Pablo - Although it's a quite gruesome sight
Software - The ferry has sailed
Raak - The banshee has wailed
Rosie - And I'm stuck on the Isle of Wight.
Pablo - There's a rumour that's doing the rounds
Projoy - That my head makes peculiar sounds
Rosie - That's 'cos it's hollow
CdM - And so, when I swallow,
Simons Mith - There's a noise like the baying of hounds
Marc - I have heard there's dog on the moon
Pablo - Whose bowl is in fact a spittoon
Software - His kennel's a crater
penelope - Around the equator
Chalky - His cries won't be heard 'til next June
penelope - I hope that my bonfire will light
Rosie - So I can fry bangers all night
Pablo - With a can of cold beer
Projoy - I shall quote lines from Lear
Juxtapose - "O, thou side-piercing sight!"
Giertrud - "Guaranteed from boot-to-bonnet!"
Rosie - That's Clarkson's first go at a sonnet
Phil - It could have been worse
penelope - If he pictured a hearse
Software - With luck he could have be on it
Pablo - I awoke to a fine morning sight
Projoy - Of the hay in my barn set alight
Raak - The insurance will pay
Phil - For my next holiday
Software - Due in just a fortnight
Rosie - I simply don't know how to start
Pablo - My new sixteen horsepower go-kart
Simons Mith - I yanked on this string
Marc - It went 'wicketi ping'
Anna - And then the machine fell apart.
Simons Mith - So I cussed and I brandished my spanner
Rosie - In typical Clarksonian manner
Giertrud - But Jeremy and Kelly
Pablo - (Them two off the telly)
Blob - Have ordered the parts from Fermanagh
penelope - The business of ordering parts
Pablo - Proceeds both in fits and in starts
Software - Look at the book
Rosie - Ring them up; they're in Nuuk
Raak - And deliver by husky-drawn carts.
Projoy - When eternity fits in an hour
penelope - I barely have time for a shower
Raak - But when deadlines draw near
Software - I quiver with fear
Pablo - And withdraw to an ivory tower
penelope - My Cumbrian fell is a-flood
Pablo - My "carpet"'s now three feet of mud
Software - The rain doesn't stop
Rosie - Needs more than a mop
Chalky - And the switch on my ark is a dud
Pablo - Will it rain now for forty more nights?
Chalky - Will it reach the top rain record heights?
Rosie - Because if it does
Software - We'll call out the fuzz
Marc - To claim that we've got human rights.
Phil - So Christmas has come back around
Marc - And Santa, I've heard, is southbound
Pablo - With his over-full sleigh
Software - He may brighten our day
Rosie - As he slips in with barely a sound.
Marc - Oh my dearest I long for your kiss
Chalky - Though I fear your technique's hit and miss
Chasty - Your French kisses I love
Monique - They are just hand in glove
Armand - And I do care that you are my sis
Pablo - Farewell to a very poor year
Software - The weather was shite, that is clear
Rosie - So let us revive
penelope - The jitterbug and jive
Phil - And party with burgers and beer
penelope - I will not stand for whiny complaining
Tuj - In spite of long immersive training
Marc - Though I must say it's wrong
Rosie - To moan all day long
Chalky - When the rhymes here are SO entertaining
Pablo - So farewell then Bowie: bye Dave
Software - You did all the genres, save rave
penelope - And for that, we're in awe
Chalky - 'Though our tear ducts are raw
penelope - For ecstasy beyond the grave.
Giertrud - Sometimes I cannot resist
penelope - Adding whisky to my shopping list
Pablo - It goes on with the gin
Marc - Make our heads start to spin
Software - As slowly we're getting pissed
Chalky - Hmm.
Chalky - It's time for a jolly distraction
Software - Like Longleat or some such attraction
penelope - Or maybe we could
Raak - Stroll through Odell Great Wood
Marc - Watching grass growing slowly in action...
Marc - Then she said: "I'm lying in your bed"
penelope - And I think that butler is dead
Pablo - So I said, "Call Poirot!"
Kim - But Mycroft said "No!"
Raak - "We'll eliminate the impossible instead."
Simons Mith - To the greenhouse I summoned the cook
CdM - "Over there!" I exclaimed. "Take a look!"
penelope - "The tomatoes have rust!"
Chalky - "The sprouts turned to dust!"
Pablo - He's from Yorkshire, so said "What the fook?"
Software - While I stood in the Post Office queue
penelope - And I hoped for position two
Pablo - But the fellow in front ...careful...
Chalky - With a snort and a grunt
Marc - Said: "I'm stuck. Who the hell spilled that glue!"
Marc - The cyan-ACrylate glue sealed his lips
Cook - On the table he had fish and chips
penelope - But unable to eat Hello Cook
Pablo - His cod-and-spud treat
Chalky - He studied the lunar eclipse
Marc - It's the year of the Monkey, beware...
penelope - That you dress with attention and care
Rosie - And stop making faces
Raak - When you tie your shoelaces
Pablo - God! You're not doing that with your hair????
Marc - In accordance with Standard 14
Raak - You must paint your front door in sludge green
Rosie - Lined out in puce
CdM - Or else we'll reduce
penelope - The money for being Europeen
Rosie - The good folk of Chorlton-cum Hardy
Chalky - Were known for their love of bacardi
penelope - When applied to the skin
Software - It was better than gin
Marc - And creme CeraVe - it's too lardy
Pablo - The Burghers of Port du Calais
Rosie - Have been whooping it up at the Palais
Marc - Now the jungle is flat
Software - They think that is that
Raak - But more migrants will be there next day.
Marc - Last summer I swam 'cross the Channel
Rosie - Wrapped in the finest of flannel
Giertrud - My expensive pyjamas
Pablo - With their imprint of lamas
KagomeShuko - Were hidden behind a pannel.
Juxtapose - There once was a fellow named Clark
Giertrud - Who was quite afraid of the dark
Software - So he switched on the light
Raak - And got a great fright
Rosie - As he found himself next to a shark.
Marc - It's due time that you upgrade your app
Anna - Or else you may fumble your snap
Raak - The latest UI
Pablo - Helps you shoot on the fly
Chalky - But the editing suite is pure crap
Tuj - What time does the ferry depart?
Skipper Marc - The minute that I've found my chart
Rosie - And topped up with diesel
Kim - And fed my pet weasel
Software - But this is Condor and we're missing a part
Marc - The Andean Condor's huge wingspan
Juxtapose - ex-ceeds the width of my fry-ingpan
CdM - And so to sauté it
Raak - I bent it to fit
Rosie - Which spoilt its vocal range, or sing span. Dreadful.
Raak - The first day of Spring has just sprung
Marc - And I feel like a stallion I'm hung
Software - I'll be frisky for sure
Pablo - And with all my allure
KagomeShuko - I'll hide what Spring has just sprung. (View the source to read the hidden text)
Marc - There once was a fella named Lear
Pablo - Who said that he felt a bit queer
Rosie - When asked what was wrong
Software - He burst into song
Raak - And demanded I bring him a beer.
Pablo - I've a problem with one of my glands
Rosie - My prostate's come off in my hands
Raak - Just squirt it with glue
Marc - Then fixate with a screw
Software - Then to hold it in place - rubber bands
penelope - There's a stock room of spare body parts
Raak - For my practice of ghoulish black arts
Rosie - In the box labelled "Noses"
Software - Nothing's smelling of roses
Marc - And some carrots, Jack Frost's private parts.
Marc - The question is free I've been told
Raak - But the answer will cost all your gold
Pablo - Not "The Meaning of Life?"
Kim - "How To Murder Your Wife"?
Software - No, it's down the river you're sold
Marc - "We are sinking, please finish your soup,"
Rosie - "Use the loo - we mustn't leave poop."
penelope - And then take your turn
Pablo - As the ship starts to burn
Projoy - To play "Nearer, my God" on a loop.
Tuj - It has eight legs! It's there on the floor!
Projoy - How'd that Octopus get in the door?
Software - It's fresh from the sea
Raak - And it's smarter than me
Pablo - And my God it looks just like Al Gore!
Projoy - In the land that we now call Iraq
Kim - They're proposing to place a blue plaq
Rosie - On a house in Baghdad
Software - A home for jihad
Phil - Where there once lived a young man called Raak
Projoy - Can you eat up the rest of this flour?
Pablo - It won't last much more than an hour
Raak - We must not let it rise
Rosie - Or else its sheer size
Kim - Will swallow up Shipston-on-Stour
Pablo - 'Tis the 400th year of dear Willy
Software - The bard not the whale, silly billy
Projoy - After four hundred years
Raak - His oeuvre appears
Stevie - So much better than Milli Vanilli
's
Stevie - It's May and the sap is a-rising
Pablo - The new cider looks most appetising
Rosie - So come all ye drunkards
Software - Lift up your tankards
Projoy - (Whose contents don't bear analysing)
penelope - Through the blossom and meadows I dance
Rosie - Gazelle-like I pirouette and prance go for it, pen
Projoy - But, hid by this sedge,
Bismarck - Is my five fruit and veg!
Pablo - And all of them produits de France
penelope - Well, that was an odd one. I hadn't expected that.
Projoy - The world of Gerard, Count of Nice
Marc - Was described in this nice press release:
Rosie - A Master of Biscuits
Raak - Despiser of Triscuits
Bismarck - In quantities from "un" to "six". Sorry [pen], let continental-themed weirdness abound. Nevertheless a stylish finish from [Pablo]
Stevie - [Meadow Dancing pen] I expected at least one person to post about not wearing any pants. I was going to on line two but thought it would be a better punch line for line five.
Pablo - In the city of Aix-la-Chappelle
Raak - Danced Penelope, like a gazelle
Marc - Is that Stevie - both are nude!
Anna - In his hand - gee that's rude!
Projoy - I just hope that they don't kiss and tell
Software - While I was tending my garden
Raak - I received from the Queen a full pardon
Marc - Writing long lines that don't scan at all
Bismarck - Sent the Sovereign right up the wall
Projoy - Causing her stance on such infractions to harden.
Bismarck - An infinite number of monkeys
Phil - Assisted by five EU flunkies
penelope - Rough-drafted a treaty
Marc - UK rules for graffiti
Raak - To reserve it for registered junkies.
Rosie - To work out the square root of pi
Marc - Please first the last π-digit quantify
Software - Then by taking the log
Pablo - And a sly sip of grog
Bismarck - You'll be fine - just bluff your way by.
It's one and a bit!
Raak - When time, space, and knowledge combine
Projoy - With superior shape, form and line,
Rosie - One ought to be dazzled
Software - Or even brain-frazzled
Pablo - By the stuff that's produced - it's all mine!
Marc - When you think you are ready you're not
Projoy - And the things that you got, you ain't got
Raak - So live while you live
Software - 'Cos life is a swizz
Stevie - What you've not got can fester and rot.
Projoy - Could this chicken be up to fowl play?
Stevie - From my vantage point, hard to say
Pablo - It does seem inclined
Kim - To sneak up behind
Chalky - 'Til a cock crows and gives it away
Rosie - It wasn't a fowl 'cos he dived
Projoy - A move, as in football, contrived
Bismarck - With a kingfisher's grace
Pablo - To fall flat on one's face
Software - And a red card from the ref is survived
Marc - Monday morning - the struggle goes on
penelope - To house-train my iguanodon
Stevie - I'll be hailed as a wizard
Simons Mith - Of incontinent lizard
Rosie - Where a nose-peg's a sine qua non.
Pablo - I've managed to train up a gazelle
Bismarck - To fart without making a smell!
Software - This flatulent trick
Raak - Involves mud and a brick
Bismarck - An ending occurred, but I already had a go - (View the source to read the hidden text)
Rosie - And a diet of silica gel. (Bis) V. gentlemanly
Stevie - As I looked out me window last night
Simons Mith - I could not but notice a slight
Projoy - Nasty nip in the air
Pablo - Though the weather was fair
Bismarck - Fukushima was within sight.
Marc - When you're leaving Japan please make sure
Projoy - That your thoughts and your deeds have been pure.
Bismarck - For the Shinto religion
Raak - Protects even a pigeon
Pablo - From charges of being "manure"
penelope - I'm wearing a lightning conductor
Software - Made of copper as per my instructor Stormy in Clogland, pen?
Projoy - 's advice. He was right!
Pablo - Look what happened last night -
Drewdle - Prematurely discharged when I...engaged her in consensual acts of an intimate nature.
Mr Plimsoll -
Marc - One red carrot I've offered my horse
penelope - It bit off my fingers, of course
Rosie - But aren't horses veggie?
Giertrud - But they can be quite edgy
Bismarck - As my A&E can endorse!
Oh woe is me, I am undone
penelope - I thought it was comic and fun
Stevie - But alas and alack
Pablo - Everything has turned black
Raak - Can we undo the referendum?
Kim - So, what is he going to do now?
Raak - While waiting to take his last bow?
Marc - Will he come 'round again?
Pablo - Or collapse in great pain?
Projoy - Or renege on "resign is my vow!"
Software - I'll resign again and again and again
Raak - The meaning of this is quite plain
Stevie - What I've wrought is at hand
Bismarck - I am unfit to stand
Rosie - If you voted for me then you're insane.
Pablo - However, I may just bounce back
Bismarck - On my elastic hypocrisy track
Software - As plan B starts fail
Marc - My brave face turn pale
Boris - I surprise the whole world with my quack.
Software - Let's clear out the old, bring in new
Stevie - And toss out the false, bring in true
Marc - Give us hope, peace and love
Rosie - And harmony, aw'right bruv?
Stevie - I've told you 'bout sniffing that glue!

Mercy Killing invoked.
Trellis - Software - Let us clear out the old, bring in new
Stevie - And toss out the false, bring in true
Marc - Give us hope, peace and love
Rosebud - Olive branches - white dove
Peacemaker - And one day our dreams will come through.
Bismarck - What we need is a quick coup de gr?ce
Bismarck - Oh woe, it doesn't take extended character sets...
What we need is a quick coup de grace
Pablo - And, should such a thing come to pass,
Stevie - Don't say "Coo de Grah"
Tuj - Lest you prompt a fnarr
Marc - Then we kill you with pure poison gas...
Marc - When you leave will you please close the door
Phil - Or the whole house will smell of your spoor
Badger - "daw ... spaw ... spaw ... daw..."
Raak - Your best friends haven't told you
Software - That fungus on you grew
Stevie - The day you came back from The War
Stevie - Men of Harlech! The Zulus are risin'
Marc - Dead are heap'd with dying! (How surprising)
Bismarck - On to Bulawayo!
Stevie -
I'm declaring this one a bad steer on account of poor scansion and attempted forcing of people to type something about Ketshwayo instead of opening up vistas of wit. My fault not entirely
Stevie - Down the church hall they're all on parade
Dolly - To acclaim killer Stevie's blockade.
Bismarck - Harlech's W.I. (View the source to read the hidden text)
Raak - Went on an excursion to Skye
Rosie - They sailed o'er the sea
penelope - For a nice cup of tea ...normal service etc
Marc - With a Talisker dram - oh aye-aye!
Rosie - There was a young man from Prestatyn
Software - Who saw a knob and pressed that in
Raak - A twenty-ton weight
Marc - Was released and fell straight
Pablo - on his head - the result was to flatten
Bismarck - Way back in my Ministry days
Rosie - In charge of Hampton Court Maze
Raak - I engaged Alan Turing
Software - Thus firmly ensuring
Marc - That we're leaving the Maze walking sideways. (Alan didn't walk straight, did he...?)
penelope - Back then, I commanded the troops I think I'm heading for trouble with this one.
Bismarck - By Jove, I'd them jumping through hoops!
Stevie - English as she's spoke
With a fnoot sull of coke
S'like impossible hooptroop de loops
How about:
penelope - Back then, I commanded the troops I think I'm heading for trouble with this one.
Bismarck - By Jove, had 'em jumping through hoops!
Kim - When out on parade
Pablo - Primed on neat lucozade
Software - They lined up in sugary groups
Tuj - My afro is fulsome and pert!
Stevie - Likewise my black rubber skirt Today I am a hovercraft
Juxtapose - I'm dressed up so nice
Marc - My chin dabbed with Old Spice
Pablo - You must think me a terrible flirt!
penelope - My tonsure requires some repair
Kim - It's become overgrown, here and there
Stevie - In the cloister, it's said
Software - I look like Judge Dredd
Marc - A parable I think is unfair.
Marc - Do you mind if I ask you to shave?
Rosie - Yes, I do; I'm going to a rave
Kim - It's not OTT
penelope - To grow a goatee
Stevie - In the shape of a stone architrave
Stevie -
Bismarck - Why aye man, Irn Bru's just the thing
Stevie - At a "Spinners" reunion in Tring
Pablo - It puts hairs on your chest
Rosie - Which women detest
Projoy - So go gay, and let MEN pull your ring. It's OK, I already picked up my coat
Rosie - The gas-man is mending a leak (View the source to read the hidden text)
Marc - And he uses the latest technique
Projoy - Of taking a match
penelope - To set fire to the thatch
Pablo - - next thing, there's a blood-curdling shriek.
Stevie - No smoking! No pipes! No Cigars!
Projoy - Says the sign in the passenger cars
Pablo - When I need a good puff
Raak - I call the guard's bluff
Marc - It went wrong. I was put behind bars!
Bismarck - Now that Hamish has finished his tea
Pablo - He'll meet Dougal, just wait and see...
Tuj - And, inspecting his flask
Rosie - Its contents? - don't ask
Marc - (...it's a mixture of Bourbon and pee.) Coat please...
Stevie - Enough of the Scots! Let's talk Swede!
Bismarck - It's a thing all my vegetables need!
Pablo - My turnips want more
Software - It's a bit of a bore
penelope - But it helps when they start to set seed.
Software - There was a young lady from Bude trad
Stevie - Allergic to all sorts of food
Raak - Nuts, gluten, and soy
Marc - She could never enjoy
Pablo - Their effect on her bowels was just rude
penelope - There was a young man out of Rhyll Redressing the balance a ~~taff~~ tad.
Bismarck - Who ran up a huge restaurant bhyll I blame the spellchecker
Pablo - By scoffing ten courses
Rosie - He thereby endorses (pen) One "l" in Rhyl. Hard luck.
Stevie - Credit card use at the thyll
Stevie - The goddess of love (name of Venus)
Marc - Is wearing no clothes - it's tawdriness
Superman - She steps out of her shell
penelope - But - Dear God - the smell
Software - Being locked up so long is quite heinous
Pablo - And lo, the seasons doth change
Stevie - No more hay-fever, now it's the mange
Rosie - Or frost-bitten toesies (View the source to read the hidden text)
Software - Get out your knee cosies
Bismarck - Home sweet home on the (kitchen) range.
I've been equinoxed twice now this year!
Software - An excuse to break out the beer
Stevie - And play Jean Michel Jarre
Rosie - Loud, in my car (View the source to read the hidden text)
Pablo - While doing a ton in first gear
penelope - [Pablo] Did you pass me on the motorway this morning?
Stevie -
Roaring past at a hundred and ten
Pablo altered the volume and then
Jean Michel Jarre
Howled out of his car
What an earful for fearful young pen!
Stevie - Let us dance a Dark Morris to bring
Rosie - An end to this ludicrous fling
Marc - Do some hop 'n bop 'n
Superman - To rhythms forgott'n
Software - Then your hook you can sling
Raak - While waiting for Godot one day
Marc - I think that I thought - 'come what may'
Stevie - Was a bad Abba song
Phil - That stood out from the throng
Pablo - Coz they sang it in G - should be A
Rosie - It says not to try this at home
Raak - It's a thing you can do with a gnome
Software - But please to take care
Stevie - When you do it and where
Marc - Don't forget your protective Styrofoam.
Marc - Use a Styrofoam hat when you bike
Superman - With Styrofoam pants, if you like
Pablo - Then add Styrofoam socks
Raak - To ward off hard knocks
Bismarck - It's a trick they used in the Third Reich.
I shall take my laboratory rat
Superman - And feed it five kilos of fat
Pablo - Grow it big as a dog
Stevie - Then inject egg-nog
Rosie - And see if it goes for the cat.
Stevie - Could be, there's a Nobel in this
penelope - We can make IPA from my piss! [Sorry Phil, if you're watching]
Rosie - So, pen, get drinking
Marc - And never stop thinking
Bismarck - And telephone Greene King
Bismarck - (View the source to read the hidden text)
Software - That recycling realy is bliss
Bismarck - That brew of the gods, IPA
Software - So don't let anyone say
Pablo - It's just flavoured water
penelope - And drink it you oughta
Stevie - With a smile, right after you pay
Stevie -
(View the source to read the hidden text)
Bismarck - I've launched a crowdfunding campaign! (View the source to read the hidden text)
Raak - To design an intelligent brain
Marc - With some High-Tech connections
Stevie - I've high expectations
Pablo - Or it's 50 grand straight down the drain
Stevie - Oh well done everyone! Crisps all round!
LimCopper - [Stevie]You are handcuffed and arrested for inferior rhyming. Here are samples of some correct choises: affections, collections, complexions, confections, convections, corrections, defections, detections, directions, dissections, ejections, election's, elections, erections, infections, inflections, injections, inspections, objection's, objections, projections, protections, reflections, rejections, selections
Rosie - (Stevie) I think he means choices but what do I know.
Stevie - [Rosie] I like his/her use of "correct" as the compliment of "inferior" myself. And my response is, as always, that the commentator, having asserted their superiority, is now free to indulge their love of sex and that of travel simultaneously.
Superman - Choose your words carefully, now
Raak - And enunciate "How now, brown cow?"
Marc - And make sure not to write
penelope - That the kids is all right [Rosie, Stevie] Hiding behind a pseudonym? Never a good stance for those assuming the role of scansion and rhyming police, nor for Brexiteers for that matter.
Bismarck - For some lurker will make you kowtow.
Pablo - It is words that maketh the man
Phil - Just so long as they rhyme and they scan (View the source to read the hidden text)
penelope - But what makes the lasses careful now...
Software - Is poetry classes
Rosie - Someone should tell Princess Anne. (pen) penult. Not guilty, Miss. The rather bumptious miscreant remains at large.
(Softers) You bin up nawf or sunnink?
Marc - Princess Royal - how lovely thou art
Software - E'en when your horses do fart
Pablo - From a surfeit of hay
Superman - Carrots, lentils, and whey
Raak - Don't stand too close when they depart.
Stevie - Good heavens! Don't make such a fuss
Superman - They'll all think that you're just a wuss
Bismarck - Stop that complainin'
Rosie - Just cos it's rainin'
Pablo - And it's three hours before the next bus
Rosie - "Give me your arm", said the nurse
penelope - While I half-inch the cash from your purse
Raak - We're not paid enough
Bismarck - So we have to get tough
Software - But Brexiters' promises are worse
Stevie - Re: BREXIT: The will and the way
Rosie - Are frankly in some disarray
Bismarck - Why Article 50
penelope - Is getting more shifty Oblig.
Phil - And further away by the day
Software - The tabloids are ranting of treason
Pablo - It's their spleens and their bile that they're easin'
penelope - But their ignorant bile Can't call it anything else...
Marc - We must take with a smile
Stevie - Till the count's in. Then comes the apeasin'
Stevie - Enough with this democracy!
Rosie - A tyrant's what we need
Bismarck - Who will make up the rules
penelope - Not giving a bugger about what works or not
Pablo - Just like the players of this game
Raak - I think a glow-worm was struggling to get out there:
Enough with this democracy!
A tyrant's what we need.
He'd rule without hypocrisy
By one rule: his own greed.
Stevie - Enough with this democracy
Let's try a spot of anarchy
No political boss
No giving a toss
No Don and no Hil bugging me

Just off the top of my head, in stream of conciousness. My start was good and offered an easy array of pertinent rhymes. Everyone else was to blame. I'm keeping these crisps. 8oP
Kim - I preferred the original.
In matters of scansion and rhyme
Software - We abide just some of the time
Rosie - But when we do not (Raak) It was, and my fault too. I'm 73, you know.
Marc - We react on the spot
Raak - And wax wroth in interpretive mime. (View the source to read the hidden text)
Marc - Dear Hill'ry don't cry - you've got Bill
Phil - I'm sure he can give you a thrill
Raak - With a Cuban cigar
Pablo - So nothing can mar
Bismarck - Your joy at the ring of the till.
Superman - That's it, for another four years
Marc - We'll hear nothing but wailing and tears
Bismarck - And old Lady Luck
Phil - Appears to be stuck
Pablo - And you're all quite correct in your fears
KagomeShuko - When all the "Trumpettes" start yelling foul
Giertrud - I'll cover my head with a towel
Rosie - You're donning a turban?
Phil - How quaintly suburban!
Bismarck - We Valley Girls wear "Hillary's cowl." that'll do.
Bismarck - Way up on a peak in the Andes
gil - Or down on the banks of the Ganges
Pablo - One stands and one stares
Rosie - One mutters one's prayers
Marc - While lighting regretful our candles...
Superman - The Siberian Filigree Hamster (View the source to read the hidden text)
Raak - Foreshadows a rhyming disaster
Rosie - So I'll have an orange
Batman - One rose that is yellow
Bismarck - Schadenfreude to make Superman swear?
penelope - Tradition is seldom surpassed
Software - By stuff that relates to the past
Superman - Nostalgia is fine, (View the source to read the hidden text)
Raak - Like a noble old wine
gil - But the future goes past rather fast
Marc - The meaning with Christmas I think
Raak - Is that it's a good time to drink
penelope - I can't be the first you're welcome
Stevie - With a seasonal thirst
gil - But that punch looks suspiciously pink.
Pablo - This year I'd like Santa to bring
Stevie - The album Herb Alpert Plays Swing
penelope - And a Rover P6
gil - A timepiece that ticks
Bismarck - And a furlong of Number Two string.
Superman - Scrooge said, "Now that old Marley's dead,"
Software - "His riches are now mine instead"
Raak - But three ghosts made him see
Stevie - Things quite differently
Bismarck - As one by one they turned up in his bed.
Marc - Bob Marley, a singer-songwriter,
Bismarck - Once asked me to lend him my lighter
Software - To stoke up his spliff
Superman - And I would've done - if
Rosie - I could find it. Where is it?, the blighter. I lose things, everything, all the time.
Stevie - While drinking a small glass of sack
Software - Guess who bumped into my back?
Pablo - A small, forlorn elf
Rosie - Who looked like Will Self
Bismarck - For both reasons, he went on the rack.
One for Stevie, as he asked :)
While I rode on the LIRR
Marc - I tuned my acoustic guitar
Pablo - To the key of B flat
Raak - As we all sat and sat
Software - But the train didn't move very far
penelope - Choose a chord, and then play it with speed
Pablo - A G minor sixth's what you need
Raak - Modulate to E flat
Software - F sharp with that
Stevie - A very nice ringtone indeed
Marc - [pPRSS] A masterpiece for cellphones indeed...
The Finger Print Lock for my phone
penelope - Will exclude any omi palone
Software - But if I lose my touch
Rosie - Or get drunk, or some such
Pablo - It unlocks with the right type of moan
Stevie - My telephone's battery is dead
Superman - So I think I'll try shouting instead.
Rosie - At least I won't squint
Software - Or cast it to print
Marc - That you put in the shredder unread
Marc - We will soon see another dictator
Anna - Little Donald, whose motto is "greater"
Raak - His first action will be
Pablo - To grope girls (two or three)
Bismarck - While tweeting "Obama's a traitor."
I just found a bunch of "fake news"
Bismarck - While tweeting "Obama's a traitor."
I just found a bunch of "fake news"
Software - According to Trump, it's abuse
Superman - And badly written, to boot
Bill - Himself to disrepute
Marc - The world thinks he has blown a fuse...
Projoy - Will they give him a standing ovation
Marc - Or just give him a straight flat castration
Pablo - I'm hoping the latter
penelope - Cos castratos are fatter
Chalky - So fat chance of shafting the nation
Raak - This Friday the First Trump will sound
Projoy - And our dreams will crash down to the ground
Marc - Cometh hail mixed with blood
Rosie - An avalanche of crud
Stevie - Or a dollar worth more than a pound
Projoy - But the man isn't president yet! 33 hours at the time of posting...
Projoy - Sorry, 45 if you count up to midday on 20th
Marc - Soon he is and to all that's a threat
Superman - The nukes do his bidding
Software - (Don't think he's kidding)
Stevie - And then it's Auf Wiedersehen, Pet
Marc - There once was a loudmouthed clown
Stevie - Who stuck his name all over town
Superman - On a poster that said
Bismarck - "Wanted: Living or Dead"
Projoy - They shot him, and then he piped down.
Marx - A big fat notorious lier
Engels - Is the state to which marrows aspire!
Trotsky - For every courge's
Blavatsky - Desire to be bourgeois
Stalin - Grinds the people down. Ready! Aim! Fryer!
Marc - My lies are alternative facts
Projoy - So your claim that my previous acts u.s.a.
gil - Are truly obnoxious
Raak - Is thoroughly poxious
Bismarck - Same to you, no returns, to the max.
Projoy - The last Jedi, alone on a hill
Stevie - Stared wildly at his cell phone bill
Juxtapose - His vast roaming charges
Raak - On spacefaring barges
Superman - So he hides - but they find him at will!
Stevie - In an X-wing outbound for the Death Star
Software - I was munching on a Mars® bar
Superman - When the Admiral said
Pablo - "Right - full steam ahead!"
Marc - Then we crashed into Star Alcazar
Bismarck - My august predecessor once said,
Pablo - "If you don't make a million, you're dead"
Stevie - Now I sell p3n1z p1llz
Superman - Made of porcupine quills
Marc - Will you test them tonite in your bed...?
Marc - "Dear Sir, I am not one of those"
Tuj - "Correspondents whose flowery prose"
penelope - Obfuscates my true meaning
Raak - My gist needs no gleaning
Rosie - It hits you right there, on the nose.
Pablo - My new novel will be out next week
Phil - For a giggle, I wrote it in Greek
Marc - And I used pseudonym
Sinnerella - Jakob Ludwig Karl Grimm
!J K Rowling - But the press let my real name leak.
Stevie - Christ almighty this bad weather sucks!
penelope - You'd think that El Niño's in flux!
Software - Snow, hail and fog
Raak - It's not fit for a dog
Bismarck - It's the fault of those pesky Canucks.
The Man In Black - My moped won't start, so these chocs
Kim - Won't stay very long in their box
penelope - A sweet compensation
Pablo - For utter frustration
Superman - With a martini, stirred, on the rocks.
Marc - Mister Bond with a license to kill
Simons Mith - Took position on top of Box Hill
Software - His Sig Sauer set ready
Pablo - His aiming arm steady
Raak - He knows there is no better thrill.
penelope - When it gales I'll mither and gall mis-using word types wild
Software - The mizzle will bother and fall
Bismarck - While rainth and sleetch fail
Simons Mith - It's time for the shail!
Rosie - And the frog shall obscure parts of Gaul.
Stevie - This coffee I made tastes like paint
Raak - And just a slight trace of boar taint
Rosie - I should have used water
penelope - 'Cos it clogs my aorta
Pablo - Can I sit down? I feel faint
Rosie - This paint I've just mixèd tastes sour
gil - I hope it won't spoil happy hour
Marc - Lemon juice is the base
Raak - With TiO₂ paste
Bismarck - And bleach and brake fluid for power.
Pablo - With my tins of paint I make art
Stevie - With my jars of jam I make a tart
Kim - For my name's Jackson Pollock
Raak - And with my third bollock
Rosie - I'll redirect every fart.
Bismarck - Here's a few of my favourite things
Software - Suckers and contracts with strings It's the Trump in me coming out
Pablo - This ball of blue wool
Rosie - This pint glass that's full
Marc - And a nice poker hand with five Kings.
Marc - Have you heard the sensational news
Raak - There's a tax to be placed upon pews!
Stevie - A surcharge on the kneelers
Rosie - No discount for dealers
Software - So whatever you do, you will lose
Pablo - I hear that they plan to tax farts In honour of the government of my home nation, who several decades back proposed a fart tax on cows because of their methane emissions. Carn the Kiwis!
penelope - And use it to promote the arts
Superman - We'll be arty as hell
Rosie - Despite the foul smell oblig.
Kim - Emanating from our nether parts.
Bismarck - My kiwi is acting all strange
Stevie - Could be myxomatosis or mange
Simons Mith - I don't think it's rickets
Raak - Or harassment by prickets
Marc - More likely it's sex interchange.
Marc - I've been thinking of you ever since
Kim - You showed me those black and white prints
Software - Nostalgic it was
penelope - To remember, because
Pablo - They're before all those crap pastel tints
Raak - I remember that back in the day
Stevie - The catchphrase that people would say
Kim - Was "splash it all over!"
Marc - "Have a roll in the clover!"
Simons Mith - Or "Go ahead, punk, make my day."
Stevie - Nice one all. Simons Mith wins the internet.
Rosie - I spoke to the fellow in charge
Raak - About hiring a quinquireme barge
Juxtapose - He told me his boat
Software - Would just about float
Marc - And the slaves came without turbocharge.
Marc - When you're rowing make sure you've got oars
Tuj - Or you'll struggle to get to new shores
Superman - To the oars, add a boat
Rosie - One with rowlocks, please note
penelope - And some friends who can help - eights or fours
Kim - While trying to seduce Doris Day
Stevie - You were punched by Rock Hudson, you say?
Raak - It was all in good fun
Marc - I was dressed as a nun
Software - And everyone knows that he's gay
Pablo - At a hog roast I met Steve McQueen
Stevie - Where I told him his hog looked piss green
Software - So he took me aside
Marc - Said: "You'd better go hide,"
Killer - "Or I'll rip out and swallow your spleen."
Stevie - (View the source to read the hidden text)
While watching the Titanic sink
Raak - I thought, "What I need's a stiff drink."
Simons Mith - So leave out the ice
Superman - And don't mind the price
Marc - Singing "Nearer, My God, to Thee", I think.
Marc - Raise your voice let us all sing along
Pablo - As the world goes to hell, sing this song:
Kim - "Toodle-oo, toodle-ay",
Raak - "Zippa-do-dah, de-ay"
Software - But it won't stop things going wrong
Bismarck - If you sing "Rule Britannia" off-key
penelope - You'll upset the world order, you see
Marc - So you'd better shut up
Pablo - And just drink a cup
Stevie - Of thick, brown, lukewarm NAAFI tea
Pablo - Gadzooks! Odds bods! Lack-a-day!
Stevie - I was just now outbid on ebay!
Software - The thing that I want
Raak - Pour ma fille débutante
Juxtapose - Was sniped, but that's fine - I can't pay.
Rosie - I talk to the trees, but in vain
Tuj - I get blanked (is that planked?), in the main
Marc - Though one answer I've got
Pablo - Is that they all talk rot
Stevie - Ooh! Must run! It's the Whitecoats again!
Pablo - The voice in my head said last night
Superman - "You ain't Einstein, now would I be right?"
KagomeShuko - For all of the thinkin'
Raak - And smokin' and drinkin'
Marc - Deceive me to think that I'm bright.
penelope - P, S, Ks, R, M - splendid.
Whenever there's lightning about
Software - Your golf club do not wave about
Bismarck - For Zeus hates the game
Raak - And you'll be to blame
KagomeShuko - When you've been reduced to grout.
Stevie - When it's cold up at 'mill, then it's time
Pablo - To drink a large lager and lime
penelope - In the Rover's Return Oblig.
Rosie - (Some folk never learn)
Marc - To enjoy and live life - it's springtime!
Bismarck - From "Pea and honey...", a quatrain that was rejected owing to its limerick-nature.
My ancient Marina still goes
Raak - Like an elephant in its last throes (View the source to read the hidden text)
Rosie - With motion unsteady
Pablo - I still get it ready
Marc - With or without any clothes...
Marc - We will sail with the tide, get aboard
Pablo - Bring your pirate hat, rum, and your sword
Kim - Practice "Gyarr!" and "Landlubberrr!"
Juxtapose - You scurvy deck-scrubber,
Simons Mith - Till your accent is slightly less flawed
Tuj - The echo in here is quite odd
Raak - I said "Who's there?" and got the reply "God."
penelope - My hearing aid batt'ry
Software - Straight from the fact'ry
Marc - I am sure was an ungodly fraud.
Bismarck - In the the Liverpool Echo today
Pablo - "Ken Dodd Has Been Charged With Affray"
Software - The Diddy Men claim
Raak - That his pantomime dame
KagomeShuko - Started it with her hairspray.
Pablo - Meanwhile, oop north in York
Simons Mith - Adele had a battle wi' Bjork I know that's not how Bjork would pronounce 'Bjork', but by 'eck it is 'ow a Yorkshireman'd say it.
Stevie - They both donned t' clogs
Superman - Took t'bats and t'dogs
penelope - They don't care how the neighbours will talk
Rosie - When Shakespeare put pen to paper
Software - He could write a jolly good caper
Pablo - With lots of cross-dressing
KagomeShuko - That had the queen's blessing
gil - And swordfights with epée or sabre.
Pablo - Gadzooks, forsooth and odds bods!
Stevie - Facebook posters are miserable sods
Rosie - They say "Look at mee"
KagomeShuko - And, "Wow, you're sexy!"
Software - And post pictures of food - well, ye gods!
penelope - See my mouse! See my fresh Charlotte russe! I'll give you pictures of food... and internal rhymes on every line too!
Superman - As with gusto I wave my wand thus! You're catching an accent there if "mouse" rhymes with "russe", pen...
Bismarck - Hey presto! They're gone!
penelope - Dammit, I meant 'mousse'!!!
Rosie - It's a visual con
Marc - Then she left with the five o'clock bus...
Marc - Then the busdriver asked: " Who are you?"
Raak - I said I was from Timbuctu
penelope - And I wanted a ticket
Pablo - He said "Don't be thick, it.....
Stevie - Costs four quid. You only dropped two.
penelope - Who knows where the fifty nine goes? While we're on the buses - see what I did there?
Software - Check the front, that's where it shows
Raak - "Timbuctu via Kent"
Stevie - Why, it seems heaven-sent!
Rosie - A des(s)ert of apples. Who knows?
Bismarck - And then three came along, all at once
penelope - A burglar, a vandal, a nonce sorrysorrysorry
Marc - In a cell they were placed
Stevie - Spun three times, and then faced
Pablo - A chap who was clearly a ponce. What other rhyme is there?
penelope - It's my fault things are as they are
Software - You could have done better by far
Superman - By ignoring me quite
Stevie - A lot out of spite A torch burning there in the sconce / A man who clubbed me in the bonce
Bismarck - If I could change Stevie's line to It's done out of spite:
Signed: Beelzebub. BWAHAHAHAA!
penelope - [Bizzers] Mate, you can't. If you can't work with the line provided, step back and let someone else do it. Ironic really, given that this Lim is all about 'you could have done better' innit?
Stevie - [Bismarck] Your replacement line doesn't really follow the previous one smoothly in my reading of it, providing a mental derailment when the whole limerick is read through. Good finish though.
Bismarck - I live and learn. [Stevie] "Quite" as in "completely", and it would need a semicolon. So a poor effort overall.
penelope - There's no choice to make but live and learn
Stevie - Said the discouraged author Jules Verne
penelope - sotto voce Funny, that first lined scanned this morning when I wrote it
Stevie - There's no CHOICE to make BUT live and LEARN
said the DIScouraged AUTHor jules VERNE. Where's the problem? Nine syllables each line. Stress on each third syllable. Job done.
Rosie - (pen) Have you been at those Hobnobs again? That first line is far too long. What about
No choice but to live and to learn
Said discouragèd author Jules Verne.
Pablo - So he threw down his pen
Software - Resigned there and then
Marc - After final full stop he adjourned.
KagomeShuko - Tom Stoppard wrote plays that are puzzling
Juxtapose - And summarized thusly: "man does thing"
Bismarck - His philosophy is
Software - 'Tho this ain't a quiz
Stevie - That breasts are for guzzling and nuzzling. Coat!
Stevie - One day as I ran for my train
Pablo - With an unusual thought in my brain
drquuxum - "Why is Brian Billick…" Do-or-do-not Rhyme declared. It's good to be back.
Rosie - So useless at Cyrillic"
Kim - Then I tripped and my ankle did ??????
Kim - Wot happened there? I wrote "sprain" in Cyrillic; it looked fine on preview and then went awry when I clicked "Stand".
Stevie - I guess you sprained the website.
Raak - [Kim] This is a frequently encountered ????????.
Raak - Something not quite ?????? about the Unicode ?????????.
Rosie - The ultimate fate of all glass
Pablo - (Mostly that of the "superfine" class)
Stevie - Is to be blown and then cut sailor
Giertrud - And to wound someone's butt
KagomeShuko - While not being mistaken for brass.
Bismarck - I don't really care for this rain:
Rosie - Loudly I curse but in vain
drquuxum - But still, it is better
penelope - It's finer and wetter
Software - But not as warm as in Spain
Marc - The rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain
Raak - But five iambs do not make limerick metre.
Marc (sorry Raak) - The rain doesn't fall here in Spain
Stevie - A god job too; there's only one drain
Rosie - It's blocked up with leaves
Software - "Get it clear, Jeeves!"
drquuxum - "Or we'll be flooded all the way to the Seine!"
Raak - At a meeting in Trumpton town hall
Marc - Was decided to hold a great ball
Software - So Barney McGrew
drquuxum - Did all he could do
Stevie - Makin' moves, takin' names, standin' tall
Rosie - Now harken ye unto my words bit pissed actually
drquuxum - That fly from my mouth like the birds
Raak - Do each to each other
Marc - Though I'm your big brother
Anna - You're swimming this pond filled with turds
Bismarck - Five pints and two limoncellos
penelope - For myself and these very fine fellows
Stevie - Lads and lassies; A toast!
Pablo - We salute our great host
Marc - Who's the owner of these fine bordellos...
Stevie - When it rains, like it did here last week
Raak - With no paddle, I'm up the creek
Giertrud - The Thames is all flooded
Rosie - London's all muddied
Pablo - Perhaps the Flood Plan needs a tweak?
Rosie - Whilst taking some stuff to the dump
Stevie - My car coughed up its fuel pump
Raak - So I dumped the car too
Bismarck - In this outside loo
Software - Next time on a bus I will hump
Kim - A dirty old man on a bus
Raak - Held his belly in place with a truss
Giertrud - This thing itches, said he
Pablo - As he scratched his left knee
Rosie - Which promptly oozed mountains of pus.
penelope - A dirty old man on a train We might as well work our way through all of this in one go then move onto something more tasteful.
Software - In a raincoat 'though there's no rain
Pablo - Attracted attention
Knobbly - But I'm loath to mention
drquuxum - The revelation his knobby old cane Mine's the Pitt jacket, thanks
Superman - My Tinder account has been hacked
Pablo - My front patch of lawn has been fracked
drquuxum - My driveway undermined
Raak - My steeple inclined
Simons Mith - …Has my Guardian Angel been sacked?
Pablo - I've heard of a dastardly plot
drquuxum - Of drones to be hacked and taught Silly little things.
Raak - Airborne death from above
Marc - Like a turd from a dove ?
Rosie - Sounds sweet but stinks quite a lot. (DrQ) Interesting use of this.
Stevie - [Rosie] The Low Back Merger. Snigger.
Software - Facebook's become quite a bore
Stevie - And Twitter just seems like a chore
Giertrud - Instagram; MySpace;
Pablo - (which is out of the race)
drquuxum - And Tumblr and G+ I abhor!
Stevie - As I rub-a-dub-dubbed in my tub (View the source to read the hidden text)
Raak - In the bath fell my USB hub
Kim - I lost my connection
Pablo - And a very small section Obviousness avoidance invoked
Phil - Of data, then started to blub
Raak - On the thirty-third day of September
Marc - We were told, and will always remember:
Pablo - Tis the Feast of St. Bart
Bismarck - When there's cucumber tart
Software - From now till the end of December
Bismarck - I once took a trip to Penzance
Pablo - Just to by a brand new pair of pants
Stevie - With a piratey flair
Raak - And a glittery glare
Marc - Then I found in my pants there were ants
Pablo - I've booked a staycation in Tring
Marc - Come what may - we will make anything
Software - Until it Herts
penelope - In my Google alerts 'Say what you see' Dusty Bin wildcard invoked
Superman - To see TripAdvisor's rating. - "Get out of logical framework free" card played
Superman - (View the source to read the hidden text)
Software - Today when I opened my post
Raak - It got smeared with some hot buttered toast Never open letters at the breakfast table.
Superman - The letter inside
Pablo - Was sixteen feet wide
Marc - 'twas a note of demand from my host.
Marc - "Dear Sir, it's regarding your rent,"
Tuj - "We need currency, sir, not intent"
penelope - "Your kids as security"
Raak - "To ensure their futurity"
Stevie - "Is a legal non-starter (in Kent)"
Stevie - I remember it cost two pound ten
Pablo - But that was in - oh, way back when
Software - We used L s d
Rosie - Now it's pound coins and pee
Superman - Here's a cheque. Can I borrow your pen?
Bismarck - I pay with my smartphone, you see
Marc - I'm a smartass, there's no one like me
Rosie - But my phone cost a bomb
Software - I said with aplomb
Pablo - It's a shame that it's only 2G
Rosie - I have to inform you, young man
Superman - That if you drink beer from a can
Software - You'll lose the scent
Pablo - So if that's your intent
Stevie - You can get in the back of the van!
Superman - That blank look takes over my face
Rosie - When someone says they play bass
Marc - Or fondle their fiddle
penelope - Or drums a paradiddle
Pablo - And it's time to get out of this place.
Mugabe (Marc) - Within short I will make a comeback
Bismarck - Papa baffs na go give um dey sack declaring pidgin wild
Stevie - All along the Zambezi
penelope - I'll make it look easy
Software - Because I just have the knack
KagomeShuko - My guardian angel looks down with fright.
Raak - At the things I get up to at night
Software - Under cover of dark
Superman - I sneak to the park
Falstaff - And give the shins of lovers a smite.
Pablo - From next door, there's an awfully loud din
Raak - As the neighbours play drums on their bin
Stevie - With saucepan lid cymbals
Software - Played loud with thimbles
Marc - While I jam on my old mandolin. (Hi George!)
Marc - There once was a talented writer
penelope - Whose fans thought her such a delighter
CdM - That at her book signing
Pablo - They just stood there, pining
Stevie - For the off-chance they each might just sighter
Stevie - These new Kindle e-book hacks suck "hack" as in bad writer; they abound in the Kindle self-publishing world.
Superman - On lemons as they write their muck
Rosie - The resulting acidity crap scansion
Software - Ends in lividity
Raak - At the rubbish you get for your buck.
Marc - Five Bitcoins I've got in my purse
Software - They're better than cash - quite perverse
Pablo - For they're not really real
Bismarck - Though easy to steal
Juxtapose - They're easy to spend, and that's worse.
Marc - There's a hole in my new christmas sock
Giertrud - That fits snugly around my cock
Rosie - However, it itches
Pablo - When inside my britches
Raak - So I line it with large leaves of dock.
Moving swiftly on...
Raak - Let us think of the coming New Year
Rosie - And deck ourselves out in flash gear
Marc - And I promise you this
penelope - I won't take the piss sorrysorrysorry - it was asking to be done
Pablo - Which means that I won't be a Peer (Claims Worst Pun of 2018 So Far Award)
Marc - Now I've shuffled the deck - will you deal?
Pablo - With twenty-five cards? You for real?
Superman - With no aces or kings
penelope - We've no arrows nor slings
Rosie - But fortune outrageous, I feel.
Pablo - So, now the New Year's under way and no naval types try to tell me it's "weigh" please...
Stevie - And I've escaped the vile Opus Dei If we are talking the Warring States period of China, it could be "under Wei"
Marc - So our future is bright
Raak - To pursue the good fight
Rosie - To bury Theresa May.
Dujon - There are Tories and Whigs at my door Seeing as we are going political
Marc - In big herds never seen heretofore
Rosie - For Tandridge foments chance'd be a fine thing
Superman - 'Midst back bench laments
Pablo - While we blankly ask "What's it all for?"
Rosie - In Bangalore there's someone called George
Raak - Who went to the Marble Rocks Gorge
Pablo - Where he laid out his tea
Kim - At a quarter past three
Dujon - With Messner, Mutschlechner and Dorje.
Juxtapose - There once was a thinker named Kant
Superman - Who encountered a large elephant
Rosie - Which viewed him suspiciously
KagomeShuko - Then charged him quite viciously (View the source to read the hidden text)
Stevie - Hence Africa: A Mad Kant 'Phant Rant.
CdM - When I was a child in 8th grade
KagomeShuko - My one wish was to see a parade
Pablo - Where the Grenadier Guards
Kim - Would light their petards
Rosie - And put Manneken Pis in the shade.
Dujon - He made once a shocking mistake
Rosie - Confusing the clutch with the brake
Software - The resulting collision
Marc - Caused a minor division
Anna - Of his spine which then gave him a backache.
Rosie - When the moon goes into eclipse
Dujon - As it orbits its usual elipse
Raak - Its super blue blood
Pablo - Turns the colour of mud
Marc - The same colour as Aunt Hilda's lips...
Marc - Her lips filled with Botox were blue
Dujon - Like those of my other aunt, Sue
Pablo - And her daughter, young Shelley,
Stevie - (Who's been on the telly)
Bismarck - Got the same effect from a tattoo.
Raak - It will soon be St Valentine's Day
Marc - And every chaste maiden cries HOORAY!
Dujon - But a bunch of dead roses
penelope - Shoved under their noses
Software - Won't take their chasteness away
Kim - [Software]: "chase", surely?
Juxtapose - I once, in the season of Lent,
Superman - Spent thirty-nine days in a tent:
penelope - Eating corned beef and beans
Pablo - With a helping of greens
Raak - And sat with my bum to the vent.
penelope - On the last day of Lent I gave in
Pablo - I was getting quite dangerously thin
Raak - So I binged on ice cream
Stevie - "Wild thinged" the whole team
Software - Then threw up in the bin
LimCopper - And then threw it all up in the bin.
Pablo - Could today be the first day of Spring?
Juxtapose - We'll know just by checking one thing:
Raak - Has the groundhog appeared?
Marc - If he has he is weird!
Software - If not his hook he can sling
penelope - There's never much snow on the ground
Pablo - At least, not where I'm to be found
Raak - In far Timbuctu
Software - Where I sit on the loo
Rosie - Performing while folks gather round.
blamelewis - I once met a chap in Tibet
Superman - Who flew around on a carpet
Marc - Levitation you know
Raak - Is a nodding dog's show (I'm taking a carpet to be a small stuffed animal sitting on the parcel shelf.
Pablo - Well, just how kitsch can you get?
Stevie - There was a young man from Goonhilly Family Show declared.
Superman - Who did something ever so silly
blamelewis - At old Jodrell Bank Careful now...
Simons Mith - Well, I gotta be frank
Juxtapose - He lip-synced to Milli Vanilli
Stevie - Well done! Everyone pick up their Whitehouse Awards at the door.
Stevie - 'Tis true that there's snow on the roof
Pablo - And it's bleedin' cold aht, that's the troofEastenders variation invoked
blamelewis - So if that mahfy cahhh
Rosie - Wiv an arse like a saa
Kim - Shouts "brass monkeys", well, she's just uncouth.
Stevie - It's snowing again. What a thrill
Bismarck - To go jingle my bells with a will
Pablo - As I ride on my sleigh
Marc - As I did Christmas day
Santa - Now it's over - please hand me that pill...
Stevie - Left hand down a bit. All stop. REVERSE!
Software - Navigation? Well this is perverse!
blamelewis - Is the blindfold essential?
Rosie - It tests your potential
Marc - Of posting your lines in free verse...
Pablo - Good grief, is the sun coming out?
Software - It's not - so shudda your mouth!
Raak - This wintery spring
Marc - When the birds ceased to sing
Juxtapose - Has put 'Global Warming' in doubt (the author would like to acknowledge that weather is not the same as climate)
Superman - In Downing Street there's this old girl
Raak - Whose life is a dizzying whirl
Marc - With her mates Don and Boris https://img.huffingtonpost.com/asset/59bfe4ba1a00007100f073b5.jpeg?ops=scalefit_630_noupscale
Stevie - Dancing the Brexit Morris
Pablo - But the sight will just make you hurl
Stevie - Lord Buckethead, now. There's a fellow
Pablo - He seems to be quite sane and mellow
Raak - But his good friend Lord Sutch
Marc - Was a little too much
Penelope - He wouldn’t just scream, he would bellow.
KagomeShuko - The news of today is insane
Juxtapose - Some doctor transplanted his brain
Rosie - Leaving him dead
penelope - Wi' nowt in his head
Stevie - Is it time for elections again?
Stevie - Have ye seen the white whale that I seek?
Raak - I heard it wis here just last week
Simons Mith - It usually lurks
blamelewis - By the old plankton works
Rosie - Which made ten tons a day at its peak.
Stevie - I like that one. Crisps all round.
blamelewis - [Stevie] Thanks! crunch Mmm. Plankton.
I fear I must write in complaint.
KagomeShuko - That they're calling Churchill a saint.
Rosie - 'Cos everyone knows
Pablo - From his head to his toes
Stevie - The complaint re: this "saint" is:- He ain't!
Juxtapose - In Limerick once lived a lad
Knobbly - Whose personal hygiene was bad
Stevie - 'Twas said that his stench
Rosie - Could be sensed by the French
blamelewis - And drove all within twenty feet mad.
Pablo - I asked a French mate about that
Stevie - He sucked on his teeth and then spat
Rosie - "Ça me fait chier"
Bismarck - "De sentir ses pieds"
Marc - And that was the end of our chat.
Marc - Body language is hard to ignore
Raak - Like the way that you just slammed the door
blamelewis - I get the impression
Stevie - You've succumbed to depression
Software - And don't give a toss anymore
Stevie - Nice one everyone. Crisps all round.
Pablo - I spread joy as much as I can
Stevie - (It's easy in my ice cream van)
blamelewis - The power of a flake
Superman - Or sprinkles will make
KagomeShuko - You feel much more like a man
Marc - I am sure that it was a mistake
Raak - To serve ice-cream on top of a steak
Juxtapose - My meat à la mode
Pablo - And the juices which flowed
Bismarck - Proved my Michelin star was a fake.
Stevie - May the fourth be with you and your clan
Rosie - Today's May the fifth; change of plan
KagomeShuko - But we'll still catch a ride
Pablo - On the outgoing tide
Marc - Sailing fourth in a black garbage can...
Marc - My Yacht "Miss 4 Sail" is for sale,
Pablo - She's a great little boat for a male
Stevie - She's sleek, trim and yar
penelope - For some pretty Jack Tar
Rosie - But will sink without trace in a gale.
Bugger! -
Pablo - I'd quite like to buy a new boat
Juxtapose - For sailing around in my moat
penelope - I'd be out with the tide
Stevie - And the laundry beside
Superman - Is efficiently washed as I float.
Marc - At the Inn named "Y Knot" in old Cowes
Pablo - Sat a sailor with knotty eyebrows
Raak - He’d accost every stranger
Rosie - With "You - Percy Grainger?"
Bismarck - When he'd drunk more than five curaçãos.
Superman - What is your pleasure, then? It's my round.
Stevie - At this, the old codger just frowned
Pablo - "I'll give this one a miss"
blamelewis - "For I'm off to the loo"
Marc - To piddle all beer I have downed.
Raak - A cold shower's a good start to the day
Marc - Or a swim in the cold Hudson Bay
Pablo - Just slap on some grease
Stevie - Point the satnav at "Nice"
Chalky - And tuck all your tackle away
Rosie - The occasional bellowed profanity
Raak - Shall not discommode our urbanity
Marc - Though we know that it will
Chalky - If it's heard in Seville
KagomeShuko - Because they lack basic humanity
Dujon - I remember a chap from Brazil
Raak - Who claimed to have found Yggdrasil
Chalky - Unfortunately
Marc - twa's exorbitantly
Stevie - Faked from paper-stuffed cavalry twill
Bismarck - I once met this god from Olympia
Rosie - Whose garb could not have been skimpier
KagomeShuko - In wine, he would swim
Pablo - Thus keeping in trim
Stevie - Though his drunkenness made him seem wimpia
Rosie - I have here a one-metre rule
Dujon - That has ferules that are really quite cool
penelope - And a legible grading
Pablo - (Although it's now fading)
Marc - After long frequent use in the school
Ruler -
Marc - I don't think that I've seen one of those
penelope - Being used in the way that you chose
Rosie - But improvisation
Raak - Gets my acclamation
Dujon - As a wonderful artistic pose
Pablo - Now these you can buy by the yard
Stevie - They start soft but then go really hard
Rosie - They're not thixotropic
Raak - Nor yet hygroscopic
Marc - CDs with the movies "Die Hard"
Superman - In my youth, I would go around with
Rosie - A load of yobs from Penrith Pedanticus writes: It has to be pointed out that the "th" in "with" is voiced, making strict rhyming impossible. Using Welsh is not possible because the stress would be on the wrong syllable. The only solution to this impasse is to assume marked Caledonian chararcteristics on the part of Superman
KagomeShuko - Although we came via (View the source to read the hidden text)
penelope - The Mull of Kintyre oblig.
Stevie - No-one among us was a sound-smith
8o/
Superman - I was hoping we'd get a Sith in there somewhere.
Rosie - (KagShu) I'd say the difference is like the difference between the th's in thing and there, this, that etc. I don't think there's any difference between American and British English on this point.
Stevie - [Superman] You can hope, and you can stack the deck with a difficult rhyme in the first line, but in the end you get no more say in the finished product than if you'd played a move that offered wide-open possibilities to everyone else.
Stevie - In my youth I'd knock about
Raak - With the grandson of Ebenezer Prout
Pablo - He was fun, was young Fred,
Marc - It's so sad, now he's dead,
Rosie - He was, though, a bit of a lout. highly unlikely
Rosie - (Raak) I have here a copy of Prout's "Counterpoint, Strict and Free". It was bought by my Dad in Tunbridge Wells and he has put the date (Jan 18 1941) and his name and address on the flyleaf. The address is in Crowborough, where I was born, but I've no idea if it was where I lived for the first two years or whether it was in one or both of two other addresses in said town. Should've asked - bit late now. Prout's volume you could call "severe".
Raak - My father, a violinist, had a copy, and my brother, a cellist, no doubt looked into it during his musical education. I was always puzzled by where all of these rules came from and what their purpose was, but I could never get an explanation.
Raak - On steps to Parnassus I climb
Marc - Just taking one step at a time
Rosie - I breathe the thin air
Dujon - As Fux he did dare
Pablo - To write seven-part fugues: so sublime!
Pablo - [Raak] The "rules" spring from what is considered consonant and dissonant, views of which have changed throughout musical history. Hence you can end up with a fugue like that in Walton's 1st Symphony, which would have Prout screaming in his grave. All good clean fun
Rosie - (Pablo) Never double the seventh. Beethoven does it all the time.
Rosie - I tried my hand at the flute
Dujon - As well as the ven'rable lute
Marc - After while I gave up
blamelewis - And took to the cup
Simons Mith - - And that was a lot more astute
Pablo - [Rosie] Be even more daring and have the 7th rise!
Pablo - I once wrote a charming duet
penelope - And performed as a crooning cruet Leaving every other rhyme for 'duet' available for subsequent contributors. I'm all heart.
Stevie - I made quite a showofit following penelope's lead, but see source for suggestions if you think you just bluet
CdM - Or at least made a goofit To my reading duet is a masculine rhyme, so all that needs to be rhymed is the final syllable
Rosie - And got to the end with no sweat. (CdM) Agreed. Didn't know that was called "masculine"
Stevie - But it's more fun the other way, and the ending begged for some suet.
Superman - [Stevie] I refer you to your own comment in this forum last week... you can beg for suet all you like!
Stevie - Very truet.
Stevie - Won't someone please give me some suet?
Software - I once had a packet but blew it
Juxtapose - While chewing the fat
Raak - I found a dead rat
Marc - That I grilled in a lickety split.
Marc - Grilled rat is a delicious meal
Stevie - When served on a bed of fried seal
Rosie - Do not overcook it Anticipating a marked boreal presence
KagomeShuko - And immediately book it
Pablo - Before it has time to congeal and now, for some taste....
penelope - Bon viveur? How I mean to live well!
Bismarck - Champagne Charlie thinks I'm quite a swell
Software - I'll be quaffing the bubbles
Kim - And downing the doubles
Rosie - But don't overdo it, Ma'moiselle.
KagomeShuko - A sip of the bubbly's divine
Pablo - But cabernet's equally fine
Simons Mith - And Asti is nishe
Stevie - If'sh kept on ishe
Marc - Though Château d’Yquem is top of the line. (Anno 1811...)
Marc - A pint IPA, if you please
penelope - And some crisps - make them onions and cheese
Raak - And for my good friend here
Rosie - Teetotal, I fear
Stevie - Juice of orange, with ice, freshly squeezed.
Bismarck - A round of the optics is just
penelope - What you need when your business went bust
( o ) ( o ) - It will make you see clearly
Marc - And we ask you sincerely
penelope - Do you give a shit? We’re not fussed. whoever drew the tits as their moniker, would you please not do it again? Thanks.
Marc - On a bright Monday morning like this
Stevie - One feels that one would be remiss
Dujon - Not to breathe the fresh air
KagomeShuko - Or pick a ripe pear
Pablo - And set forth on a day full of bliss if only...
Raak - Gad! The heat! And the dust! And the flies!
Stevie - And the moans and the groans and the cries!
Marc - And the tropical nights
Simons Mith - And these nylon tights!
Rosie - All this for the Man Booker Prize.
Stevie - When hit in the face with a cod
blamelewis - You must keep a firm grip on your rod [Raak, Stevie, Marc, Simons Smith, Rosie] I liked that one, especially the end - bravo...
Rosie - Which sounds a bit bawdy
penelope - If you're northern or Geordie
CdM - But for everyone else just sounds odd
Simons Mith - The fighting technique of the hake
Dujon - Is not that unlike that of a rake
Bismarck - It lies peacefully there
KagomeShuko - Without any flair
Marc - And then suddenly strike like a snake.
Pablo - I'll tell you about my pet shark
Raak - It will bite off your head for a lark
KagomeShuko - And fingers are tasty
blamelewis - So my bathing's hasty
Marc - While the shark barely marked poor old Marc
Marc - Ten fingers but only nine toes,
Rosie - If you're a diver then that's how it goes
Stevie - When the dreaded bends
Pablo - strikes, it often portends
Chalky - The poet's descent into prose
KagomeShuko - When we've been away at the beach
Dujon - I've tried hard my children to teach
Marc - Not to play with the sharks
Stevie - (Who're known for their larks)
Raak - Nor to pick up and eat a live leech.
Superman - A dose of the old writer's block
Dujon - Does not mean that s/he's now an old crock
Raak - Take a break, smell a rose
Stevie - Drop a rock on your toes What? I get very creative with improvised speech when I do this
Marc - And continue to brood 'round the clock
blamelewis - The best beer is brewed round the clock
Pablo - But you could be in for a shock
Stevie - When straining the wort
KagomeShuko - Finding it's made from yo-gort I know, it's very bad, but come on - https://www.foodandwine.com/beer/how-to-make-beer-from-yogurt
Raak - With green squidgy lumps — mind your frock!
Marc - After drinking one beer you pee three
Dujon - Maybe you do but, truly, not me
Anna - 'cause I drink only wine
Software - So my bladder is fine
Kim - I drink Scotch, so my wee is, well... wee.
Pablo - Here's a tip for making an ale
Kim - Out of mushrooms, old socks and a snail
Stevie - Add a pinch - just a pinch -
Raak - Of penny-an-inch A rare variety of heather whose dried roots are used as a herb. Its Scottish folk name derives from it being considered a great extravagance.
Rosie - And boil it all up in a pail. (Raak) Cheaper than HS2 nevertheless.
Software - Home brew can be quite a hobby
Marc - At least if you are not too snobby
Pablo - You can make a nice stout
Stevie - From a well-aged breech-clout
Rosie - But beware when you do your next jobbie.
KagomeShuko - While drinking at home is just fine
Projoy - You shouldn't be doing a line.
Raak - But Vitamin L may variously refer to lifestyle, light, love, or LSD
Marc - From my artesian well
Pablo - May lead to substantial decline
Superman - The vitamins A, B and C
Rosie - Are absent in Worthington E
Marc - About B I'm not sure?
Stevie - How it's made? What it's for?
Simons Mith - And is it worth 2 points or 3?
Marc - "Oh my dear, have you got one of those?"
Pablo - "I had one, which got stuck up my nose"
Superman - But I've one nostril free
Stevie - Which is crucial, you see,
Dujon - Should I wish to smell a wild rose
Superman - Step 1: take part A and part G
Marc - Step 2: Screw them gently on B
KagomeShuko - And if you've no idea
Giertrud - Just ring up IKEA
Pablo - You'll be put through to Sweden - for free!
Stevie - This flatpack has just saved the day! Well done everyone, especially on the last three lims
Pablo - Especially as Gran's on her way
Superman - It's a beautiful coffin
Bismarck - To send her off in Ta, Super, set up nicely there :)
Marc - On her way to the far Milky Way. Sorry Gran, see you soon out there...
Juxtapose - The first-ever granny in space
Raak - Took a brolly with her, just in case
Pablo - Of rain upon Mars
Marc - Or dust from the Stars
Stevie - Spoiling her heirloom white lace
Rosie - My mother said that I should not
Raak - Complain of my God-given lot
Software - But I feel I'm deprived
Pablo - As I have not arrived
CdM - Where by now I should surely have got
KagomeShuko - Five cats, three dogs, and a moose
Pablo - Were misguidedly let on the loose
Rosie - They frightened the horses
Superman - And caused two divorces
Software - And trampled all over my goose
Superman - How do you get down from a duck? holds breath
Pablo - It's largely a matter of luck keep holding
KagomeShuko - One foot on the ground
Raak - Then spin right around
Marc - And beware not to crash in the muck.
Pablo - I've a worrisome growth on my knee
KagomeShuko - It measures a foot, inches three.
Software - I should go to the doc
Rosie - He'll laugh and he'll mock
Juxtapose - (It's shaped like a banjo, you see) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oh!_Susanna
Bismarck - My doctor just gave me this pill
Marc - That was made by a tribe in Brazil
Raak - I see machine elves (View the source to read the hidden text)
Rosie - Indulging themselves
Pablo - To the point where they make themselves ill
Rosie - I'm trapped in this 'ere Klein bottle
Simons Mith - And my only companion's a wattle
Pablo - It's lonely in here
Marc - And I've run out of beer
Raak - A little won't do, but a lot'll.
Marc - If your glass is half full - ask for more
Pablo - There's plenty more booze in the store
Kim - But if they run out
Raak - You need not fear a drought
Stevie - There's a cellar-full under this floor
Pablo - The "trend" is now artisan gin
Software - I hate it, don't count me in
Raak - It's flavoured with sprouts
Bismarck - And it gives you bouts
Superman - Of hives, as it says on the tin.
Marc - Have you heard that the jailbirds don't sing?
Pablo - Except for the ones in "E" wing
Rosie - Who'd better watch out
Software - They've got all the snout
Anna - Though the Warden just found their bling-bling.
Superman - I've a bee in my bonnet this morn
Rosie - 'Bout the number of voles being born
Bismarck - In our Highlands pristine somehow just started reading that with a Scots accent and it just went on
Software - So loved by our queen
Pablo - Where the owls that eat voles have all gorn finishing in a silly upper-class accent
Raak - There once was a scholar of Erse
Dujon - Who studied the odd and perverse
Rosie - For instance the tuba
Marc - And the grammar of Luba
KagomeShuko - To find mysteries of our universe.
Universal boundary -
Pablo - Behold! I can see a great light
Raak - 'Tis a beacon of hope in the night
Software - But hang on a mo'
Marc - 'cause your eyes are aglow
Stevie - In the mirror they make quite a sight
Superman - An owl brought a letter today
Simons Mith - From the timelords of old Gallifrey
Bismarck - The message ran: "Who"
Raak - "Might be able to do"
Pablo - Miracles? - it ain't Mrs May"
Juxtapose - I once knew a lady named Claire
Marc - So sweet and polite - but beware
Pablo - Her angelic smile
Rosie - Displayed with much guile
Simons Mith - Did not touch her thousand-yard stare.
Pablo - A request for Santa this year:
Stevie - A little less reeking of beer
Marc - "Oh my dear, it's too late,"
Raak - "For the Beer Keg of Fate"
Rosie - "Meets the Bibulous Beardie," I fear.
Stevie - What to do with all this fruit cake? DadaDAH(smallpaws)aDAHdadaDAH was how it ran in my head
Raak - It's a mountain that dwarfs the wine lake
Superman - And this turkey, what's more
Bismarck - Could feed forty-four
KagomeShuko - I think I'll have a stomachache!
Marc - Whenever you're drinking too much
Bismarck - You can be sure that your rhymes will go futsch or phutsch
Chalky - Your speech will then schlur
Pablo - You'll pause with "oh er...."
Rosie - But the courage you'll have will be Dutch
Superman - Falling gracefully off of my horse
Rosie - My language was of course coarse (Superman) I get a strong feeling you have tried to start a Pea and Honey Recipes.
Marc - And the bump in my head
Dujon - Which my grandmother read
Stevie - Told a tale of coarse horse course remorse
- - nice
Chalky - Instead of just taking a bite
Stevie - Grab a mouthful with gusto tonight
Juxtapose - Your brash mastication
Rosie - Is a sure indication
Software - That back from the pub you're quite tight
Dujon - The pen of a pig is a sty
Raak - The pen of a writer asks "Why?"
Stevie - A pen-aid-ed shell
Marc - As a cell we can smell
Bismarck - And there's one pen who waved us goodbye.
Pablo - The last thing I do before bed
Raak - Is to check that I'm still not quite dead
Rosie - The result of this test
Software - Along with the rest
Marc - Makes me feel that I'm still newlywed...
Marc - Have you noticed Spring is on its way
Anna - Well it's early - come when it's May
Rosie - No, come now, I'm frozen
Software - Vests by the do-zen
Chalky - Just who led this winter astray? mercy killing
Marc - You must always make sure you are right
Chalky - When walking The High Line at night
Pablo - Should you lose your direction
Stevie - Just ask a policeman (View the source to read the hidden text)
Software - Who'll tell you "Hey Mac, take a hike"
Rosie - My cat is a fearsome ratter
Pablo - And eats other animal matter
Stevie - Disgusting? I'll say!
Software - Please take it away
Marc - To a place where old cats are made flatter... ;-)
Marc - If you're aiming to get a flat belly
Raak - Give up Coke, burgers, beer, and the telly
Software - And go for a run
Rosie - Don't eat that bun
Stevie - Though I think you can binge-out on jelly
Juxtapose - A cynic who lived in a jar (View the source to read the hidden text)
Stevie - Smoked Capstan Untipped (they're high tar)
Pablo - Drank unfiltered beer
Marc - But what's more severe
Raak - Drove a Volkswagen diesel-fueled car.
Stevie - laffed out loud. Well done everyone
Stevie - This reprobate jar-living bloke
Rosie - Ridiculed orthodox folk (Juxt) I thought Dodgynees was a retired footballer
Superman - Alexander the Great
Bismarck - Was the butt of his hate
Juxtapose - Since the rich are all scum when you're broke (Rosie) You're thinking of Soccertes
Raak - [Juxtapose] Soccertees handled the merchandise.
Superman - All those years that I spent learning Greek
Marc - On my way to be Monk Dominique
Pablo - Have tired my poor brain
Software - But yet, then again
Dujon - Cézanne was a bit of a freak
Rosie - I have here a pint of best porter
Bismarck - With which I shall do what I oughter
Software - Just sink it in one
Stevie - And when it's all gone
Marc - I will pee at least one foam-topped quarter.
Marc - One Gallon of beer is enough
Raak - To serve all the guests at my trough
Dujon - But a pint don't go far
Rosie - It's well below par (Marc, penult.) See a doctor.
Stevie - Red Barrel; t'would make a saint gruff
Stevie - "It's Real Ale™ or nowt!" cried the lad
Pablo - "Joost like it was for me Dad"
Software - No Watney's Red Barrel
Rosie - No flashy apparel
Dujon - But e-cigs By't dozen, By Gad!
Marc - One pint IPA if you'd please (Rosie, I ment a quart of a gallon as I hope everyone else understood)
Superman - Three packs of crisps (onion and cheese)
Raak - This feast for the senses
Rosie - Removes one's defences
Chalky - 'Gainst multiple Sky Sports TV's
Juxtapose - There once was a lady from Surrey I have a great fondness for the classical forms
Tuj - Who, determined to supper on curry
Superman - Took a flight out to Delhi
Rosie - Made the air e'en more smelly (Juxt) Yeah, trad is best. BTW all women in Surrey are ladies and generally rather expensive. I live in Surrey, the rough end.
Software - Got Delhi belly and left in a hurry
Pablo - I sticks to me good old pork pies
Raak - Baked into a sandwich, with fries
Stevie - Add ketchup, to taste
Superman - And thus I'm never faced
Marc - As I make them in double full-size...
Rosie - The answer to most of life's ills
Raak - Is contained in this bottle of pills
Stevie - With a tamper-proof lid
Marc - And the price is ten quid
Superman - Just remember me in your wills.
Pablo - I tell you, there's nowt wrong with me
Marc - Except for the pain when I pee
Dujon - But a wee bit of chemo
Chalky - Plus doses of Nemo
Stevie - Will fill me with glee when I wee-wee
Stevie - I'm driving sans DC and A
Bismarck - Stevie, to get into the spirit of this a bit, what's DC&A? C&A I know about...
Stevie - When the British police feel they have a case to be made against someone for a traffic violation involving a collision of the putative defendent's vehicle with another or a piece of public or private property, the catch-all summons that can be relied upon to result in a conviction when, say, driving while impaired or dangerous driving are unlikely to be provable to either a judge or a jury of the defendent's peers, is Driving Without Due Care and Attention, which is demonstrably true since driving with due care and attention would preclude crashing into things, and is referred to by the rozzers writing out the citations as "Without DC & A".
Let's start this again -
Stevie - I'm driving sans DC and A
Bismarck - And you'd better get out of the way
Pablo - My foot's to the floor
Software - And I'll tell you what's more
Rosie - This time I'm gonna make hay.
Pablo - My car is a late model Ford
Stevie - But I wanted a '32 Cord
Dujon - But the grille, what a mess
Marc - Was defect, more or less
Anna - So come back when you've had it restored.
Rosie - Whilst combing my hair I was shocked
Marc - 'cause the 'thing' in the mirror it talked
Software - It said back to me
Raak - "You're not real, don't you see?"
Superman - "That just now, reality forked?"
Marc - He was born by the side of the sea
Rosie - Though which side we'll just have to see
Bismarck - On this side of the pond
Chalky - It's clear there's a bond
Pablo - 'Tween Donald and PM May, T.
Juxtapose - There once was a piper from Kent
Rosie - Whose youth had been gravely misspent
Software - With billiards and booze
Dujon - And the odd drunken snooze
Pablo - None of which he had tried to prevent
Rosie - My Dad was a sensible fellow
Dujon - With a deep voice and rather loud bellow
Software - He'd keep me in check
Pablo - By grabbing my neck
Chalky - And force me to leave the bordello
Software - Each day when I get out of bed
Bismarck - And see I'm alive, and not dead
Raak - I shout "Yay! I'm still here!"
Pablo - Drink six pints of beer
Marc - And ask if I'm really still wed.
Superman - In a cave in the high Himalayas
Rosie - It's mild - you can shed a few layers
Bismarck - And the bonze that sits there
Software - Has really no fear
Marc - For the Yeti they've named Zacharias.
Chalky - I hail from the island of Crete
CdM - Where minotaurs roam in the street (It's a little known fact.)
Rosie - No prisoners they take
Marc - Though it is piece of cake
Dujon - As large bull-heads are easy to beat (Marc: eh?)
Superman - My family all come from Malta
Bismarck - Impossible, sadly, to alter
penelope - But once they got here
Dujon - With their Cisk Lager beer (Nice to see you, pen, nice).
Chalky - My CAMRA credentials did falter
Rosie - I'm a product, alas, of suburbia
Dujon - Not the outback of deepest Australia
Pablo - I mow my lawn weekly [Dujon - pushing that one a bit..]
Marc - With my mower uniquely
Rosie - Designed in a way to disturb ya.
Marc - I'm afraid that we've run out of ink
CdM - And that's much much much worse than you think
Raak - The pen yields to the sword
muttleee - Which cannot be ignored
Pablo - So we're now pretty much all down the sink
Tuj - I've got a strange longing for pigeon [muttleee] Hello!
Dujon - At the same time discarding religion
Rosie - I'll just get the cat
Marc - And a grim scabby rat
Raak - And stuff them all into a widgeon.
muttleee - When given a fecund first line [Tuj] Hello! Feels like I've never been away...
Simons Mith - We'll fec it up in record time [And the cheesecake man's back as well, at Dan's, along with a gaggle of aunties of questionable authenticity.]
Superman - With approximate rhyming
Tuj - And dubious timing [muttleee] Well, you've still got all your vowels, you must be in good health
Bismarck - By our standards, that'll do fine!
Marc - They've invented both Twitter and Mail
Anna - Though some thinks they're just a fairytale
Raak - The virtual world
Rosie - Into which we've been hurled
muttleee - Is surely now destined to fail [Tuj] The best. :-)
Raak - Our grim fate comes nearer each day
Rosie - So frolic, get bladdered, make hay
muttleee - You only live once!
Marc - So let's do as the Huns,
Chalky - And start a rumbustious affray
Bismarck - Here's my friend, Attila the Hun
Pablo - Who's frisky and so full of fun
Superman - When he's out with his horde
Rosie - Putting folk to the sword
Dujon - Then downs the odd mead when he's done
Rosie - I took a short break down in Devon
Raak - Which compared with Dunoon is nigh heaven
Marc - Here I met little Sue,
Bismarck - Who was from Dunoon too
muttleee - And stood at just four foot eleven
penelope - The painting that hangs on the wall A blank canvas for you folks
Rosie - Is by that bloke whatcher'm'call
Raak - He didn't paint many
Software - To sell at a penny
Marc - It's that famous Batiste de Saint Paul!
Chalky - That Lisa's a bit of a Mona
Rosie - Though she gives me a bit of a boner
Software - Her wee mystic smile
Marc - Filled with Botox off style
muttleee - Has beguiled for as long as I've known 'er
Software - While pruning my roses today
Marc - At first cut my left thumb went away
Raak - I stuck it back on
muttleee - But the feeling had gone
Chalky - I've now heard it'll come back in May
Chasty - Dear sir! That's your dick not your thumb,
Superman - No it isn't. You think I do nude rose pruning? You think it's prehensile? You think I can't tell the difference?
Rosie - The good folk of Dwygyfylchi maybe not
Rosie - Examine your left index finger
Software - Make sure that it's not a ringer
Superman - Now point it like this
Marc - And make sure you don't miss
Bismarck - (Good advice for an opera singer.)
I was singing the part of "Otello"
Simons Mith - I admit, it was more like a bellow
muttleee - But I hit every note
Raak - With a bray like a goat
Marc - Or the sound of a mistreated cello.
Marc - After two pints of beer you pee three
Bismarck - After three pints of pee you feel free
muttleee - So let it all out!
Software - Mild, bitter or stout
Raak - If outdoors, at the base of a tree.
Bismarck - In this bottle, there is some shampoo
Superman - Which was made by a relative, who
Raak - Blended kangaroo milk
Rosie - In a vat made of silk oblig.
Pablo - But it has made my hair look quite new
Bismarck - I wash my toupée with this soap
muttleee - On days when I feel I can't cope
Raak - When I glue it back on
Rosie - (Yes, I know it's a con)
Marc - It has shrunk so I look like the Pope...
penelope - In Pope-Look-Alike contests, I suck
Superman - Some gobstoppers, to bring me good luck
Rosie - The judges, however
Blob - See through my endeavour
Pablo - But give me some points for sheer pluck
Tuj - As she silently slunk down the stairs [p,S,R,B,P] Oh, nice!
Rosie - She took me quite unawares
Software - From behind my back
Raak - She launched her attack
muttleee - Now I'll never produce any heirs Ouch
Pablo - But she did try to make some amends
Rosie - And restore me as nature intends
Blob - By a surgical trick
Software - She re-lit my wick
CdM - My candle now burns at both ends
rab - By Jove it has been a long time
Rosie - Since wordplay I've seen so sublime (Softers) Dirty bugger
Software - Take care of the metre
Pablo - Do not be a cheater
Raak - And accomplish both reason and rhyme.
Bismarck - Catherine wheels, sparklers galore
Software - Are really a bit of a bore
Pablo - Petrol's more fun
Rosie - So get ready to run
Blob - As it reaches the dynamite store
Bismarck - A parcel, marked "Use at own risk"
rab - Contained a fork and a whisk
Software - So into the bin
Simons Mith - Went my old theremin
Rosie - Along with its old floppy disc.
Pablo - Now look what's arrived in the mail
Raak - An ad for Kentucky Fried Snail
Marc - Their delicious fast food
Software - Considered quite crude
Rosie - Except by those who quaff ale.
KagomeShuko - I'm guessing Kentucky Fried Snail is slow food . . .
Software - Christmas is coming, deep joy
Rosie - Let's piss from The Old Man of Hoy
Radox The Green - In the teeth of a gale
Pablo - Drink buckets of ale
Rosie - Just like they do down in Fowey.
Simons Mith - Has Christmas gone yet, oh God please?
Pablo - It has left me right down on my knees
Raak - Let's finish the wine
KagomeShuko - And take down the pine
Marc - Then sail once again the seven seas.... See you next year...
Marc - Are you sure that you know how it works?
Pablo - It seems to be moving in jerks
KagomeShuko - It jumps and it sputters
Rosie - Built by complete nutters
Raak - But watch how its huge big end twerks!
Superman - If you have a case of the trots
Simons Mith - A Samsonite case will hold lots
Pablo - Or a big plastic bag
Software - But it sounds like a drag
muttleee - (This verse has been written by bots)
Simons Mith - It's better as ink when it's runny
Raak - But my goodness! It smells rather funny
Rosie - I detect faecal notes
Blob - And the entrails of goats
Software - I'll flush it all down the dunny invoking Oz slang
Pablo - Now hearken ye all, MC types,
Superman - Ye must cease to use Pampers wet wipes
Simons Mith - They clog up the drains
penelope - As they clean up your stains [oblig.}
Rosie - And no-one likes unblocking pipes.
CdM - The sewers, in heat of the summer,
Software - Smell like John Selwyn Gummer
Simons Mith - As autumn begins
Superman - It's the Eagle twins
Pablo - All in all, a bit of a bummer
Simons Mith - I've sawn a bit off of a Beemer
Rosie - It now can't keep up with a steamer
Raak - If I stick it back on
Bismarck - Is the guarantee gone?
Software - Yep, it won't be a redeemer
KagomeShuko - My Mercedes-Benz went into flames
Simons Mith - And came out to roaring acclaims
Superman - With scarcely a scorch
Rosie - Of its paint to debauch
Bismarck - Those Teutonically engineered frames.
Simons Mith - I tried putting wheels on my yacht
Pablo - And this is as far as I've got:
Software - Just two to the port
Stevie - From a pram? The same sort
Superman - High-tech this solution is NOT.
Simons Mith - The V8 that powers the pram
Rosie - Runs on butane, palm oil and jam
Pablo - The noise that it makes
Stevie - ENSURES BABY WAKES (View the source to read the hidden text)
KagomeShuko - And sounds like a dithyramb.
Pablo - My restored '69 Thunderbird
Software - Drinks gas at a rate quite absurd
Rosie - It acceleration
Radox The Green - Provokes deglaciation
Simons Mith - – I'd not even known that was a word
Rosie - The good folk of Walton-on-Thames
Stevie - Are addicted to brûléeing crèmes
Simons Mith - And once it's been brûled
Software - This middle-class food
KagomeShuko - Requires many trips to the gyms.
Stevie - Bzzt-twang! Rhyme only works in South Africa.
Stevie - The gits of Newcastle-on-Tyne
Raak - Go on benders with Carlsberg and wine
KagomeShuko - They stop all their diets
SF9 - Cause mayhem and riots
Simons Mith - – By regional standards they're fine.
Rosie - In order to preserve my sanity
Raak - I cultivate o'erweening vanity
Stevie - As I go through the day
Software - I hope and I pray
Simons Mith - For an overall drop in inanity
blamelewis - I find talk of weather profound [Simons] Lovely last lines for the previous two...
Software - Deep in a flood, I'll be bound
Rosie - This dire cyclonicity
Stevie - And damp synchronicity
KagomeShuko - Confuses my poor little hound.
Simons Mith - If you want to bamboozle a dog
muttleee - Just dress him like Jacob Rees Mogg
Software - In top had and tails
Pablo - With manicured nails
Rosie - And not keep going to the bog.
Software - When Corona was just a drink
muttleee - And the world was not yet on the brink
Simons Mith - We thought it a lark
Raak - To have fun in the dark
CdM - Social distance at zero (*wink wink*)
Stevie - In a cupboard, while playing "Sardines"
muttleee - I wished I'd not eaten baked beans Nice pay-off, CdM
Software - My flatulence there
Rosie - Was too much to bear
Simons Mith - And I melted a hole in my jeans
Stevie - There's a trick to op'ning canned beer
Rosie - For one thing, wear the right gear
Raak - Take dagger and cloak
Bismarck - Give it a good poke
Software - And watch it spray far and near
Pablo - In these times of foreboding and gloom
Simons Mith - I'm simply not leaving my room
penelope - So if you want to cheer me
Rosie - Without standing near me
Software - Facetime me so I can zoom
muttleee - I've just heard that Boris is sick
Raak - I hope his recovery's quick
Simons Mith - To founder and fail
Software - But keep out of jail
Rosie - Is a very Pfeffelian trick
Bismarck - Once was, that all roads led to Rome
Raak - But now, we must all stay at home
Rosie - And not wipe our arses
Software - Through government farces
muttleee - So please don't be tempted to roam
Bismarck - The peak of infection is past
Stevie - And though working from home is a blast
Radox The Green - Does nobody know
Dujon - Just where I might go
Rosie - Sorry, those days are past.
Radox The Green - It's got to be time for a brew
Software - But please don't let it stew
Pablo - When infusing the leaves
penelope - I'll tell you what peeves
Stevie - Not knowing where each of them grew (View the source to read the hidden text)
Stevie - Home alone. I've searched - there's no other
Rosie - Those bed socks belong to my mother
Raak - And the knocks in the walls
Pablo - And the plaster that falls
Software - On me is such a bother
Radox The Green - Relaxing the rules just a little
Raak - A lot wouldn't do, but a bit'll
Software - Think it's all over
Pablo - And visit their lover Shakespearian Rules declared
Simons Mith - What'll then hit the fan? Oh, the shit'll.
Radox The Green - Thanks for the excellent development of an admittedly difficult start!
Simons Mith - Outside there's a godawful smell
CdM - In my own personal circle of Hell
KagomeShuko - I've searched high and low
Rosie - I reck'n it's the po
Pablo - But my nose is so clogged I can't tell
KagomeShuko - I've gathering the wood and the wool
Software - Sounds like a load of old bull
Pablo - In fact, a young cow
Superman - In the here'n'now
Radox The Green - Says I'm too high to be cool.
HTMLine -
Bismarck - Do nothing, until there's a Plan
Raak - Don't plan, until there's a Man
Rosie - No Man? Get a monkey
Simons Mith - Then all will be hunky-
Software - Dory, like Dominic Cummings's scam
Pablo - I'm really fed right up to here
Rosie - I'll do something reckless, I fear
Simons Mith - I'll put on my socks! [Daring enough for ya, ya pussies? I'm so hardcore I may even put them on the wrong feet.]
Stevie - Cue-up "Cleveland Rocks!" The Ian Hunter original
Software - Fu*k it, I'll just have a beer
KagomeShuko - My socks are marked left and right
Pablo - This is so I can find them at night
Raak - The marks are in Braille
Rosie - They pong, so exhale
Software - But this cannot be mine - far too tight
Juxtapose - I'm back from a very long trip
Simons Mith - To Woking's municipal tip
penelope - Where I hunted in vain
Stevie - For Boris's brain
Pablo - In the vain hope he might get a grip
Simons Mith - I feel like an animal theme for a bit. Can we have some animals?
There is much to be said of the Moth
Stevie - But I'd much rather speak of the Sloth (View the source to read the hidden text)
Pablo - Or a simple wombat
Raak - Or a Sumatran Rat
Simons Mith - Or the Wampa ice creature from Hoth
penelope - I can't see the point of a bunny
Simons Mith - They're 'hoppy' and I prefer 'runny'
Rosie - But hoppy beer's great
Bismarck - So here's Bunny's fate
Superman - Stewed in Guinness, with onions, and honey.
penelope - The purpose of hedgehogs is clear [Simons] We can have a catalogue of limericks justifying British fauna if you want
Raak - They have excellent taste in good beer
Rosie - They just lap it up
Stevie - From a saucer or cup
Software - Curl up and just disappear
Raak - The haggis, a curious beast
Rosie - Turns dinner into a feast
Software - with offal and bran
Stevie - Yourrr auld Scottish gran
Pablo - Will make it all rise with some yeast
Stevie - You can see by the cut of his jib
KagomeShuko - That he clearly will not ad lib
Bismarck - Those "Fnarrs"! and those "Errrs"
CdM - "In the script!" he avers
Rosie - "To say otherwise is a fib"
Stevie - You can tell by the look in her eye
Software - That the lady is ever so shy
Rosie - She's sweet and demure
penelope - But her mind is manure the light linen duster coat, ta
Raak - You would think she was born in a sty.
Stevie - You could say she was destined to fly
CdM - (Even though, manifestly, you lie)
Pablo - She seems to have wings
Rosie - And other nice things
Simons Mith - But too great a liking for pie (Sigh) It's like the sad tale of Mavis the Fairy all over again.
Simons Mith - (Only with pie rather than cake.)
Stevie -
If cake is your bag, just look here
Pablo - It is gluten-free, have no fear
Superman - And there's zero lactose
Software - Sugar free, I 'spose Tricky rhyme, there
Raak - And a glass of no-alcohol beer.
Rosie - My hair grows ever longer
Superman - Surely a glow worm?
Raak - My hair grows ever longer
But falls out just as fast
I'll beat upon the conga
Until I breathe my last.
Rosie - (Superman) 'Kinell. It is, isn't it.
Stevie - My hair seems to grow ever longer
Pablo - But my body just doesn't get stronger
Rosie - So, Sampson I'm not
KagomeShuko - And Delilah is rot
Software - Can it get any wronger?
CdM - I like to eat spinach with jam (View the source to read the hidden text)
Dujon - Far better than Marmite with spam (View the source to read the hidden text)
KagomeShuko - But jellied eel mousse (View the source to read the hidden text)
Rosie - Just makes the bowel loose (View the source to read the hidden text)
penelope - I'm a slave to my guts, that I am.
Software - But I love strawberry jam with my cheese
Stevie - 'Tis a consumation sure to please
Rosie - But not ev'rybody
KagomeShuko - is Passamaquoddy
Superman - Who eat it while shooting the breeze.
Simons Mith - I shot at the breeze and I missed
CdM - And the breeze is now royally pissed
Rosie - "I'll blow your house down"
muttleee - It said, with a frown
Pablo - Til I asked it to kindly desist
KagomeShuko - My arrow is caught in a tree
penelope - And my grapeshot has not made it free
Simons Mith - My petard is hoist
Stevie - My powder is moist
Rosie - And my peashooter - it lacks a pea.
CdM - *applause*
That should be exhibited immediately in the showcase game.
Software - The thunder is getting quite near
Rosie - I'd better finish off my beer
Bismarck - For this heat and this weather
Dujon - Ruffle many a feather
Pablo - With a large bolt of lightning, I fear
Stevie - Hat off. Another winner
Stevie - Ye Gods! What a bang! That was close!
KagomeShuko - It made me yell, "Great Caesar's Ghost!"
Pablo - But try not to fret
Raak - It's not over yet
Simons Mith - You've still got to butter the toast
nfras - The smell of hot crumpet with butter
CdM - Will cause a curmudgeon to mutter
Raak - "How gruntled I feel!" Resisting the temptation to put "gruntled" at the end of the line.
Software - "This is not quite a meal"
Stevie - But the prospect still makes my heart flutter
KagomeShuko - Cream cheese on a bagel is better
Pablo - Though I much prefer to use feta
CdM - While some like ricotta
Raak - I think that you oughta
Dujon - Feed that lot to the nearest red setter (The weirdest dog breed I've ever come across.)
KagomeShuko - A strange dog, you see, is the Puli
CdM - Think Dougal (though not so unruly)
Software - And the magical thing
Superman - Is one gets them to sing
Bismarck - By kicking them in the left goolie.
Demonstration event at Crufts
Software - A sudden change in the weather
Stevie - Can motivate me to wear leather True
Bismarck - Then, astride my Hog
Radox The Green - I ride into the fog
Pablo - Adorned with a large ostrich feather
KagomeShuko - When it rains down bricks and mortar
Software - There's one thing that you oughta
Rosie - Never ever do (KagShu) Earthquake, tornado?
penelope - Lock yourself in the loo Let's get this moving.
Pablo - And pointlessly call for a porter
CdM - Immunity, so I have heard,
Pablo - Is a highly politicised word
Software - Especially for Trump
KagomeShuko - An idiot chump (Rosie) Probably tornadoes in Hurricane Laura
penelope - Whose IQ was somehow deferred
Rosie - If your trombone is blocked up with crud (KagShu) Mmm, nasty. Hope the bits missed you.
Raak - The best thing is to fill it with mud
Simons Mith - Apply moderate heat
penelope - Till the tone becomes sweet
Software - Then clear it all out with a thud
KagomeShuko - If you like reading adventure novels
Stevie - Or Dickensian books set in hovels
CdM - Then I've got just the thing:
Pablo - (It's written by Sting)
Software - As for his fans he grovels
Radox The Green - Hey! Here's some terrific advice
Stevie - If your clock is infested with mice
Raak - Wait until it strikes one
Rosie - They'll have no more fun
KagomeShuko - The tone, their brains will splice (View the source to read the hidden text) Rosie - was already evacuated for Laura and saw my city basically damaged by it when I first wrote that and n ow Delta has hit my city, too. I was still evacuated, so I'm safe
Juxtapose - I've heard there's a brand new vaccine
muttleee - To protect us from Covid-19 I wish
Raak - But there is a small catch
Software - You'll lose all your thatch
Rosie - And your privates will glow lurid green. oblig.
KagomeShuko - Eating chicken soup as a cure
Radox The Green - Is common in Jewish culture
Stevie - But the Catholics swear
Raak - By the head of a bear
Simons Mith - And its testicles just to be sure
penelope - I'm determined to start a fresh rhyme
Simons Mith - Though a challenging task for a mime
KagomeShuko - He can't say a thing
Stevie - Though his limbs he may swing
Bismarck - For to learn ASL takes some time.
CdM - As he ran like the wind to the border (View the source to read the hidden text)
Software - Before Brexit to place his last order
Simons Mith - He wished that he had
Rosie - Stayed in Ahmedabad
Stevie - With his wife, (where he couldn't afford 'er)
Stevie - As I sailed in my boat on the briny
Raak - My toddlers got seasick and whiny
Simons Mith - So I sent them aloft
KagomeShuko - To work on a croft
Rosie - They didn't do much; they're too tiny
CdM - Do you really think it is OK (View the source to read the hidden text)
muttleee - To start a new lim'rick this way?
Superman - Choose one: YES or NO
Stevie - And don't vacillate so
Rosie - For this, dear friends, is the way.
Superman - On this day, of all days, it is clear
penelope - That your vest is still showing, my dear
Stevie - I did say “Don’t inflate it!”
Simon Mith - But anticipated
Bismarck - Obedience - now should I try fear?
Stevie - In a dinghy I rowed out one day
Simons Mith - To the mouth of the silvery Tay
Radox The Green - Then I fell overboard
Pablo - And cried: "Save me, Lord"
muttleee - Though he never responds when I pray
YMMV
Pablo - I'm offering up this kind thought-
Raak - If you do what you know that you ought
Simons Mith - Then if someone sees
Stevie - You stuffing golf tees Unfinished thought alert
KagomeShuko - Surely, you will be caught.
muttleee - I'd like to say 'well done' to Pfizer Nothing if not topical
Software - If it's true let's all have a spritzer
Stevie - At -80 degrees Cee (View the source to read the hidden text)
Stevie - It's obvious to me
It will be applied by Thagomizer
Mercy killing
Stevie - A vaccine? Oh my! Is it true?
Chalky - Should we cheer? Shout Hurrah and Woohoo?
Raak - But suppose it's a dud?
Software - And does us no gud invoking poetic licence
Rosie - There'll be quite a hullabaloo.
CdM - Keep that needle away from my arm!
Rosie - In my bum, though, it works like a charm
Superman - I've been waiting for weeks
Simons Mith - To whip off me breeks
Pablo - Though it causes the wife some alarm
Chalky - Beware - do not try this at home
Software - Especially not on your own
Rosie - Suppose it explodes
penelope - And fuses your nodes Shades of Rambling Syd Rumpo there.
Bismarck - You'll be blown from here half way to Nome.
CdM - Nome, and its green green green grass
Chalky - Is built on cooled volcanic glass
Raak - They say that at night
Software - Its emerald light
KagomeShuko - Looks like oxidized brass
Let the horizontal rule -
Tuj - Ring the bells! Sound a gong! Hoist the flag!
Chalky - Says the front page of my Sunday rag
Rosie - Well, get The Observer
Raak - Which proclaims with great fervor
Superman - "How to split up from your lifetime bag."
Raak - While shepherds were watching their flocks
Dujon - Of chickens and geese and some cocks
Rosie - They whiled away the time
Pablo - By eating a lime
KagomeShuko - And chasing off all chicken hawks.
CdM - Me ‘n my mates, we’re all kings from back east
Rosie - We're the Basildon Bad Boys, now mainly deceased
KagomeShuko - From beyond the grave
Raak - We'll still have a rave
Chalky - with 'Unleashed From The East' - Judas Priest
(real album - honest guv')
Bismarck - While slamming tequila on ice
muttleee - I blacked out at least once or twice
Stevie - Hit me 'ead on the floor
Simons Mith - Lost a fight with a door
Raak - And got dragged off to jail by the Vice.
Chalky - In praise of the old Pearly Queen
Stevie - I painted my private parts green
Simons Mith - The public bits red
Bismarck - Then I shaved my head
Software - And stripped off so to be seen
Pablo - I went out with a real little raver
Stevie - Who moonlighted, days, as a paver
Chalky - His favourite dance
Simons Mith - Had a one in four chance
Rosie - Of not making him one to savour
Chalky - The chord that was lost has been found
Pablo - And has a most beautiful sound
Simons Mith - It's a mixture of twang,
Raak - And blip-bloop and ktang
Rosie - Like George Formby falling t'' ground. 'Owja do glo''al stops?
Software - While cleaning windows what did I see?
Superman - A gentleman who looked like George Formby!
KagomeShuko - He was missing his uke,
Simons Mith - And he gave me a look That's considerably less revolting than my first idea for the line
Chalky - And a rather refined cup of tea
muttleee - Whenever I hear Van the Man
Stevie - Or I see the Pres with the "tan"
Chalky - My hackles are raised
Radox The Green - And I go off half-crazed
Raak - When Her Majesty does the can-can
Stevie - You know, I miss Morecambe and Wise
Rosie - As I guzzle a dozen mince pies
KagomeShuko - Abbott and Costello
Pablo - And some other fellow
Chalky - All gone to that Club in the skies
Superman - Pine needles all over the floor
Stevie - A dried-up, dead wreath on the door
Raak - The cold light of day dawns
Software - Christmas over, so yawns
Pablo - Next year we'll be back for some more
Raak - Zut alors, wat is 'appening 'ere?
Chalky - Someone 'as put cheese in my beer
Software - And made it go flat
Rosie - I shall keel 'eem, zis rat
Radox The Green - With my pistole-couteau I 'ave 'ere.
Chalky - Mein Herr - du hast eaten my pie!
Stevie - Undt now, English pigdog, you die!
Raak - Mein Eisbein ist heilig!
Lime Rick Rescue - Tough luck - time ist veilig
Even executions go awry
KagomeShuko - Ahoy! Me hearties! Avast!
Software - Virus protection at last!
muttleee - Just roll up your sleeve
Bismarck - One jab, and then we've (View the source to read the hidden text)
Raak - Begun sending this plague to the past.
KagomeShuko - When counting in French, one can say
Software - Un, deux, trois - m'ouveré
Chalky - Alternatively
Bismarck - Count in Swahili (View the source to read the hidden text)
Dujon - Or simply use English/anglais
Chalky - One Two Three Four Five Six Seven Eight - splendid idea Dujon!
Raak - I count t'let my anger abate
Pablo - While I'll count in German
Rosie - Which won't be a sermon
Software - And Europeans I'll try to placate Another Brexshit bonus
Pablo - So now it's the War of Vaccine
Chalky - With skirmishes covert and mean
Software - But wait! Who is wrong?
Raak - The few or the throng?
penelope - The death toll remains to be seen. mercy killing - see what I did there?
Stevie - Well, I'm free of the COVID is seems
Chalky - When I finish applying these creams
penelope - In covert ceremonies
Software - I'll plaster my knees
Pablo - In ointment, to cover my screams
Chalky - In order to seem more appealing
Raak - I serve only the finest Darjeeling
Rosie - In the very best bone china
KagomeShuko - Made by someone named Dinah
Software - It gives everyone such a nice feeling
Pablo - [C,R,R,KS,S] Couldn't be more English

In lockdown, I've done some repairs
Rosie - But it's still rather dodgy upstairs
Chalky - For instance, the ceiling
penelope - Is still only a feeling
Bismarck - And the walls and the floor are "not theres".
Raak - While strolling through Lincoln's Inn Fields
Chalky - I spotted a skip full of shields
Software - That the barristers dump
penelope - At the acquittal of Trump oblig.
muttleee - It's a sign of the power that he wields Moving swiftly on...
KagomeShuko - We don't have to fear Joseph Biden
Rosie - Any more than Franz Joseph Haydn
Stevie - He's as good as his word
Chalky - When he gives Trump the bird
Radox The Green - As into the sunset he's ridin'.
Stevie - Seems Richard did not have a hump
Chalky - Nor Jasmine an extra chest bump
Bismarck - You just can’t believe
penelope - Each bodily heave
Raak - And each clown is in private a glump. (View the source to read the hidden text)
Software - While waiting for my second jab
Chalky - I chanced upon Dominic Raab
Pablo - I said, "What ho, Dom!"
Rosie - with my usual aplomb
KagomeShuko - And asked him to hail me a cab. (View the source to read the hidden text)
Let the horizontal rule -
Rosie - (KagShu) A 50% excess is unusual but not unique. Here's Monty Python from about 1969.
Pablo - The chances of being immune
Raak - Are as slim as a snowflake in June
Chalky - So before you get tested
KagomeShuko - Don't get arrested (View the source to read the hidden text)
muttleee - That could ruin your whole afternoon
Chalky - There's no sense in holding it back
Software - Even though you may get the sack
Raak - Let them know what you think
penelope - That their policies stink Almost oblig.
Rosie - And they should all be put on the rack. at a stretch
KagomeShuko - When working a day of CS (View the source to read the hidden text)
Chalky - Be sure to use words that impress
Stevie - Don't snarl "Oh get stuffed!"
penelope - When your help is rebuffed
Software - Your frustration you must suppress
Raak - The first of the Quarantine Years
Dujon - Has brought many strong men to tears
KagomeShuko - They whimper and whine
Chalky - When they misplace their spine
Stevie - And mentally strip all their gears
Stevie - This unmanly blub'rin' must cease!
muttleee - Or else I shall call the police
Rosie - Who should have a hanky
KagomeShuko - Wrapped up in a blankie
Chalky - And syringes dispensing some peace
KagomeShuko - If it's boating that you want to do
Bismarck - Then the Suez Canal is for you!
Rosie - It's level throughout
pnelope - If you get stuck, just shout
Software - There'll be a delay for a minute or two (or longer, perhaps)
Pablo - While going through Teddington lock
Stevie - I received a most terrible shock
muttleee - I saw Hughie Green's ghost
Simons Mith - - He was moored to a post!
Rosie - Awaiting opportunity's knock.
Stevie - Crisps all round!
Bismarck - Opportunity knocks but once, so
Raak - When it does you must get up and go
Simons Mith - And lock that darn door
Chalky - Behind you, before
penelope - You go joining the business of show.
Chalky - Stop all the clocks for eight days
KagomeShuko - Stay in bed and just laze
Raak - Let oppo's go by
Rosie - Dynamic? Not I
Stevie - I'm not one for frenetic displays
Raak - Do you think that the time is yet ripe?
Dujon - For a dog at your feet and a pipe
Pablo - And a scarf round your neck
Software - And slippers, by heck
Rosie - I'd say no. It's just ageist tripe.
Radox The Green - It seems that this shirt doesn't fit
Rosie - 'Cos I have expanded a bit
Stevie - Chip butties for tea
Chalky - Scoffed REG-u-lar-LY
muttleee - Also mean that my trousers have split
Stevie - Barkeep! Crisps all round!
KagomeShuko - I want to try is the cake that's called Jaffa
Software - Does it come from the city called Kaffa?
Bismarck - Or must I search
Raak - In the crypt of a church
Rosie - Or make do with something naffer.
Bismarck - The Oscars are here once again
Arch - Most of them go to the men
KagomeShuko - Though some may appear
Arch - To be without peer
muttleee - I'd rate most as just two out of ten Mercy killing :-/
penelope - [Arch] you might like to have a look at this idiot guide for using HTML mark-up for your moves (etiquette prefers only one line per rhyme unless you're brilliant, don't care about etiquette or are providing a long-overdue cull). I've been using this for more than 15 years - it was made my one of the players on here. Very Basic Guide to HTML for playing on Mornington Crescent sites
And I even used it to make this hyperlink too :o)
Simons Mith - [muttleee] I think that was a good rescue.
When winning a Darwin Award
Software - A fool of yourself is assured
Pablo - As you take yourself out
penelope - (Inflict your own clout)
Raak - Your non-reproduction's ensured.
KagomeShuko - I think I may be a bee
Rosie - No, you aren't, honey, b'lieve me
penelope - Your yellow-black fuzz
Simons Mith - And high-voltage buzz I reckon she's an electricity pylon dusted in slightly scorched custard. That fits all the data so far.
Software - Is just a fault with your HT For those old enough to remember TV with tubes
muttleee - When voting in local elections
Raak - Don't be bribed with tempting confections
Chalky - 'Though if I'd been offered
KagomeShuko - Cake from Ms. Crawford
Stevie - I'd refuse on account of infections
Chalky - It's an incontrovertible fact
Rosie - That whatever you do you'll get sacked
Raak - So plan well in advance
KagomeShuko - For each circumstance
Software - And hope that you won't get hacked
Rosie - Eventually I'll get down the pub
Raak - And sit down with a pint and some grub
penelope - For convivial chatter
Stevie - And a steaming hot platter
Pablo - But the cost? Aye, there's the rub....
Stevie - Stop rubbing my platter, you swine!
KagomeShuko - And get me a glass full of wine!
Software - I need a drink
Chalky - Because I'm on the brink
Rosie - Of becoming seriously anodyne.
Tuj - Although it was somewhat contrived
Raak - I wrote, "Then the dragons arrived."
Simons Mith - I shoehorned it in
Rosie - Wrong game, but no sin
KagomeShuko - However, I felt quite deprived
penelope - Let's start something fresh, I feel keen
muttleee - And I'm tired of my normal routine
Simons Mith - I'm gonna dress up
Rosie - And drink from the cup
Stevie - Filled to the brim with Poitín
Stevie - I've filled up the tank with spud peelings
Raak - For the sake of my partner's green feelings
KagomeShuko - My exhaust smells like chips
penelope - On the shortest of trips
Simons Mith - So poo to the oil giants' dealings
Software - That's it! I'm off to the pub
CdM - To sit down with a pint and some grub
KagomeShuko - I'll talk to my friends
Stevie - Of how I got The Bends
Simons Mith - A gig at the Bachelors' Club
Pablo - There's an old Irish saying, you know,
Stevie - It blithers about yellow snow
Chalky - But I don't understand
Simons Mith - Isn't yellow snow sand?
Raak - It's uranium — eat it and glow!
Chalky - neat
Chalky - This June day will henceforth be called
Tuj - "The Day I Began To Go Bald"
Stevie - For 'tis sad to relate
Rosie - That the dread chrome-dome state
Simons Mith - Cannot any more be forestalled
Chalky - clapclapclapclapclap
Simons Mith - I think I'll invest in a hat
Stevie - A topper? Or something more flat?
Tuj - I'd like to convey Lovely metre and wording on the back half of that last one
Chalky - That I'm no old roué
Raak - And have young, modern fashion down pat.
Pablo - In fact, I was once called a fop
penelope - My gaudy cravats were de trop
Chalky - So much so I became
Raak - A pantomime Dame
Stevie - Emigrated, and now lead the GOP
Software - I'm camp so I'll dress up in drag
Rosie - And ponce round the house with a fag
Chalky - I do this with Pride
Pablo - But in fact, deep inside,
KagomeShuko - I desperately wave a white flag.
CdM - The daylength has now reached its min / The daylength has now reached its max (View the source to read the hidden text)
Chalky - Enlightenment can now begin / And my carpets could do with a vax
Raak - O-ò-o-o-òmmm / There's nowt I like more
penelope - *deeper voice* O-ò-o-o-òmmm / Than a squeaky clean floor
Software - Now the nights begin drawing in / And my rubbish neatly in sacks
CdM - [Software] Did you just restore the hemisphericentrism that (see my hidden comment) I worked so hard to eliminate??
Radox The Green - The world seems to be upside-down
Raak - Kings are scorned, and their Fools wear the crown
CdM - So the knights, they draw in
Chalky - Losing their will to win [Have to agree with CdM, Softers - not your best work]
Pablo - No wonder - we're lead by a clown
Juxtapose - I've had the most brilliant idea
Simons Mith - Will somebody please hold my beer? Oh, one of those brilliant ideas…
Rosie - 'Cos I need both hands
penelope - To stem time's running sands Say it fast
Software - Oh, hang on, now it's not very clear
Chalky - It's about time we all upped our game
CdM - 'Cause right now it's all so same-same
Rosie - Has no-one the wit
Tuj - To mix things up a bit ...choice of sentence finished or not alert...
penelope - We don't show our wit - that's a shame.
Tuj - Please visit my new exhibition!
Stevie - Of strange megafauna dentition!
Rosie - We have here a cheetah
CdM - Who's quite an odd eater
KagomeShuko - And uses plants for ignition
Kim - I return to find nothing has changed
Stevie - Even though I had plumbing arranged
Chalky - One can't find the staff
KagomeShuko - After an hour and a half
Pablo - No wonder I'm getting deranged
Raak - A diplodocus trampled my lawn
Stevie - One Tuesday, just before dawn
Rosie - It won't need a trim
KagomeShuko - So I'm keeping him
Chalky - In the shed with my pet unicorn
Rosie - The good folk of Newton-le-Willows
Raak - Have an annual fight with soft pillows
Software - They stand on the hill
penelope - And enjoy the thrill
muttleee - (It's one of their few peccadilloes)
Stevie - While singing a lewd roundelay
muttleee - I felt all my cares drift away
Radox The Green - I stripped off my hose
Rosie - Which assaulted my nose
Software - Well that's enough for today
Pablo - There's nothing as bad as a cold
Raak - Except leprosy, grot, and brain mould
Rosie - And don't forget mumps
Software - Or down in the dumps
Simons Mith - Or let's be frank just getting old
KagomeShuko - We haven't the time for my party?
penelope - We're busy being arty and farty
Rosie - Well, the latter, at least
Simons Mith - And our output's increased
Stevie - As we read aloud from Jean-Paul Sarty
Stevie - Mercy Killing
Stevie - I went down to Tesco's today
Rosie - For reasons I'd better not say
Tuj - Suffice it to tell
Raak - There was quite a pell-mell (View the source to read the hidden text)
Radox The Green - As Security took me away. (View the source to read the hidden text)
Simons Mith - [RtG] I like how you retained the shroud of mystery
And now I must pay for my crimes!
Raak - Viewed so heinously in these changed times!
Rosie - But when ah were a lad
CdM - No one thought it bad
Stevie - Now they do (at least in these climes).
Stevie - But I ask: "Is it really so bad
Software - To be, like me, such a cad?"
Bismarck - Self-improvement's my creed
Rosie - I don't spill my seed
Chalky - Or blame all this nonsense on Dad
Juxtapose - I once shared a cell with a felon
Rosie - Who had tried to violate a melon
KagomeShuko - He wasn't right in the head
Mat - At least that's what they said
Superman - I tore him limb from limb, like Ganelon.
Software - There was a young lady from Cheam
muttleee - Who'd always take one for the team
Simons Mith - If carefully sliced Only one? For a whole team? Seems a bit stingy to me. But OFC it depends how big it is.
Mat - It became at least twiced
Chalky - Sextupled if smothered in cream
Pablo - It's time I went out for a drink
Rosie - So I can act daft, and not think
CdM - About life's lack of meaning
muttleee - And the cost of dry cleaning
Stevie - The thing that I found in my sink
Raak - The end times are on us, I fear
Chalky - Beginnings are no longer near
Stevie - The locusts, the plague
Rosie - The busts of Earl Haig
Software - And Brexit is costing us dear
muttleee - I'm thinking of taking a stand
Raak - Canute-like, upon the sea strand
Stevie - On account of a bet
Pablo - (The debt must be met)
Superman - Accompanied by a brass band.
Stevie - I'm now hooked on this new TV show
Chalky - It has arrows and flights - and a bow
Software - It's not 'Golden Shot'
Raak - Or 'Black Which You Pot'
Bismarck - It's "Up To The Oche You Go"! (View the source to read the hidden text)
penelope - [S, C, S, R, B] Perfection.
Why don't we all head for the beach
CdM - Where the mermaids they sing, each to each
Simons Mith - Their sweet harm-o-nee
Chalky - Tempting men of the sea
Raak - But beware! Stay out of their reach!
Chalky - I think you all know what I meant
Rosie - Concerning a recent event
Stevie - My context was implicit
Juxtapose - So next time I visit
Bismarck - I’ll come, and I’ll see, and I’ll went.
CdM - So here is the source of the tension:
Raak - No-one wants my robotic invention
penelope - For knitting a widget
Rosie - With which I can fidget
muttleee - So much for it boosting my pension :-(
blamelewis - I've repurposed my robotic knitter
Simons Mith - And now it posts daily on Twitter [muttleee] That's pretty much the ending I'd been trying to come up with, but you did it better
Raak - It's so much like me
Stevie - With a yen for the twee
Chalky - Hashtag #bolderandleanerandfitter
penelope - Is anyone checking my Tweets?
Simons Mith - On seductive radish and beets [This really is a thing]
Rosie - They are so provocative
Chalky - And strangely evocative
Stevie - Of that which is wooly and bleats
Stevie - I'm a farmer, and farmers must farm
CdM - So all of you, please just stay calm
Superman - And I say to you lot
KagomeShuko - Please, don't plant pot
Pablo - It might set off the fire alarm
Chalky - If Dennis The Menace was real
Rosie - Then just try the following spiel
penelope - Give him 10 days detention
Pablo - As a form of prevention
Stevie - And if he tries a plea bargain: don't deal!
Radox The Green - Assam, Earl Grey, and Darjeeling
Raak - Are the teas that I find most appealing
Rosie - But for me PG Tips
Bismarck - Is what passes my lips
CdM - And sets all my senses a-reeling
How could you have been so unfeeling? (View the source to read the hidden text)
Chalky - Arabica beans or Robusta?
Simons Mith - - The Indian asked General Custer
muttleee - Just before his last stand
penelope - When no coffee was planned
Rosie - Pepsi was all they could muster.
CdM - There's really no point in complaining
Stevie - Of one's lack of sub-aqua weld training
Superman - You're in the deep end
Raak - And we all depend
Chalky - On you and your penchant for feigning
Rosie - Why are people so touchy (Chalky) Classy.
Raak - (Taking the liberty of slightly adjusting the metre.)
Why ever are people so touchy?
Their reactions are too muchy-muchy
CdM - They just make me puke
Bismarck - But I am an Archduke
muttleee - So I'll kick them all out of my duchy And good riddance
CdM - Yes! My thinking-two-moves-ahead feed worked. That makes me very happy.
Chalky - I'm feeling unreason'bly chipper
Tuj - I've just got a job as a stripper! Expecting philosophical discourse
Simons Mith - There's one tiny hassle
muttleee - It's based in Newcastle
Rosie - Where they all boast about their Big Dipper.
Chalky - laughs out loud
Simons Mith - I think it unseemly to brag
Software - But people don't know I'm in drag
Raak - I pass perfectlee
Pablo - As a lass- don't you see?
Rosie - So old fart turns into old hag.
Stevie - There's a story they tell down our local
Rosie - 'Bout this bloke whose specs were bifocal
penelope - He saw future and past
Software - Tiny and vast
Chalky - And forecast Eyjafjallajökull
Simons Mith - Forecast it? I can't even say it
muttleee - This line's not much good but I'll play it
Raak - I'm a big fan of Björk
Chalky - 'Though this rhyme doesn't wörk
Bismarck - Incoherency helps to inveigh it.
Chalky - Kudos to the Lime Rick Rescue Team -
Chalky - If ever you feel like complaining
Tuj - Could I interest you in refraining?
penelope - 'Cos whiners are shunned
Pablo - Then become moribund
Rosie - They need, it would seem, some retraining
muttleee - So it's farewell to Lionel Blair Nothing if not topical
Raak - Who performed with unparalleled flair
Software - His craft of the mime
Chalky - Was just as sublime
• Me Again - As his head of magnificent hair.
Chalky - A whole week has passed without action
Raak - Is our steam engine losing its traction?
Software - So I'll write a line
Rosie - Me too; here's mine
CdM - I'll write a fraction
muttleee - Let's start a new verse right away!
Simons Mith - And commence without any delay
Tuj - Now let us begin
Raak - And headlong dive in
Chalky - To some comic'ly crafted word play
Chalky - Beware of the cruel Villanelle
Raak - Whose precision would tax William Tell
muttleee - As 'femme fatales' go Unfinished sentence alert
Rosie - She was tops; stole the show
Software - As under her spell we all fell
penelope - The end of the world, it is not.
Dujon - Though I'm many a year from the cot
Pablo - I shall still stand erect
Software - As you would expect
Rosie - Till I fall over (dry rot)
Bismarck - When writing in HTML
Rosie - You don't have to learn how to spell
Software - But the syntax you must
penelope - Make sure it is just
Superman - Lest you open a portal to Hell.
Pablo - While writing a long piece of code
Rosie - I thought, could this be an ode?
Software - As I write this in "C"
Radox The Green - Which is my favourite key
Rosie - Especially in Phrygian mode. Two goes. I dunno - pushy bugger
Raak - Let's go for a brisk, bracing walk!
Simons Mith - To the base of that towering stalk
Rosie - The Shard, what a blight
Stevie - Thrust into the night
Radox The Green - Like those mushrooms that grow in the dark.
Stevie - (View the source to read the hidden text)
Rosie - I'm reminded of an asylum
Chalky - Lock 'em up - name 'em and file 'em
Raak - Have a strong padded cell
Stevie - Some laud'num as well
Tuj - Keep things cosy: be sure not to rile 'em [Stevie] Can't believe that didn't trigger one of those periodic accent discussions
Stevie - Does *anyone* pronounce “walk” as “wark” and “stalk” as “stark”, and if so, why isn’t that banned by international treaty? 8oD
Rosie - (Stevie) My N. Walian aunts may have done so. They pronounced "pork" as "park".
Raak - On the second day of this new year
Rosie - It is now becoming quite clear
Chalky - That it's really day three
nights - And soon we shall see
penelope - Days four, five and six drawing near.
Software - New Year resolutions to break
penelope - Like 'not putting jam on my steak'
Raak - And 'no cheese on the jam'
Simons Mith - And 'sprinkle no ham
Chalky - On your uncle's Eid Mubarak cake'.
muttleee - While watching today's PMQs
Rosie - I thought "If this makes the news
Stevie - It’ll look like a farce
Software - Boris talks out his arse
Chalky - Whilst they fill the suitcases with booze.
Stevie - Oh the hell with this lockdown! Let's party!
Software - But don't tell the public, me hearty!
Rosie - And don't tell the cops
Chalky - They're all out on Ops
muttleee - Instead, tell Ms. S. Chakrabarti Mercy killing
Chalky - If you need to be rescued just blink
Software - But quickly - before you do sink
muttleee - Then the RNLI
Simons Mith - Will quickly be by
Raak - And pull you from out of the drink.
Rosie - If you get lots of stuff from Lidl
Pablo - Especially things from the middle
Stevie - Check the sell-by date first
Raak - Lest your wurst be the worst
Software - Or how it works is a riddle
CdM - Pray tell, can you answer me this:
Stevie - What's the surest path to Earthly Bliss?
Software - Take the Bakerloo line
penelope - With a bottle of wine
Rosie - To Neasden. Too good to miss.
Stevie - Once Willie, Baz, Graeme and Tim
Bismarck - Played crazy word games on a whim
Rosie - To an audience of nerds
Chalky - Who clap all their words
muttleee - With quite copious vigour and vim Moving swiftly on...
penelope - We've had pestilence, plague - and now war
Raak - As the world falls beneath the Beast's paw
Pablo - So now run for your life
Rosie - Aggression is rife
Superman - The apocalypse waits at the door.
Stevie - "I've a ferret down here" said the man
Chalky - 'It showed up on my MRI scan'
penelope - But the blood and pee tests
Software - Showed an absence of pests
Chalky - So no-one will carry the can
Chalky - My ferret's a pet not a pest
penelope - So I knitted a ferret-sized vest
Stevie - It's cable-knit too
Software - Pure wool coloured blue
Rosie - All this at the ferret's behest.
Simons Mith - When a poor chicken shivers with cold
Software - A jumper is good, so I'm told
Bismarck - But my oven is hot
Raak - And I have a large pot
Chalky - In its coop which is climate-controlled
Simons Mith - I entreat you to blanket your pigs
Raak - And install them in luxury digs
Software - With sh*t on the floor
Stevie - ,The walls and what's more
muttleee - When building them, do not use twigs Or straw, for that matter
Radox The Green - I've always thought that you're the GOAT
Chalky - Which is why I gave you my vote
Stevie - But consideration
Raak - Of this once great nation
Rosie - Makes further approval remote.
Stevie - A new variant's sweeping the land
Chalky - And threatens to get out of hand
Pablo - It's name is called "Psi"
Raak - And we heave a great sigh
Software - As we bury our heads in the sand
CdM - Lost and adrift in the fog
Stevie - With a bloody great Alsatian dog
Rosie - Who pines for Alsace
Chalky - And the St Bernard's Pass
Software - Round its neck a barrel of grog
Pablo - Thank God, now out in the sun
Raak - At last we can have carefree fun
Stevie - In my speedo and flippers
Bismarck - Scoffing ice cream and kippers
Chalky - Just a mile off the M181
CdM - If you just would please let me explain
Rosie - Why my answer appears so inane
Raak - I was preoccupied
muttleee - With my bit on the side
Chalky - And the bulge in your femoral vein
Rosie - The good folk of Dunstable, Beds.
penelope - Are known for their parties in sheds
Software - With tinnies galore
Stevie - The tongue-and-groove floor
Radox The Green - Bears witness to unstable heads.
Superman - The bad folk of Stevenage, Herts.,
Pablo - Do wear the most hideous shirts
Simons Mith - And oh god! the shorts
Rosie - Don't ask me my thoughts!
Raak - 'Bout the incessant catcalls and flirts.
Bismarck - Herts./hurts, Herts./harts, I dunno...
Simons Mith - And now renounce all Satan's works
Raak - Those are sins, not lovable quirks!
Stevie - But his voice so persuasive
Rosie - But so, so evasive
muttleee - Is hypnotic for like-minded jerks
Chalky - If you're lucky and win a cash prize
Pablo - After many disheartening tries
Rosie - Be modest; don't bellow
Raak - And be a good fellow
Superman - Just pass me my Big Mac and fries.
Rosie - The Czar's wife is called the Czardine
Chalky - I'm told she is rather unclean
Simons Mith - They bathe her in oil
Raak - And scrape off the soil
Bismarck - And then toast her - with "God save the Queen"!
Superman - While dancing alone in the street
Simons Mith - - Just me and my pair of left feet
Rosie - Approached by the cops
muttleee - I pulled out all the stops
Chalky - With a fandango most indiscreet
Simons Mith - When I tried to foxtrot like heck
Rosie - I landed, tits up, on the deck
Software - No Strictly for me
Raak - Nor boogie-woogee
Phil - Unless Darcey massages my neck *sighs dreamily*
Pablo - Whilst attempting to dance the Palais Glide
Software - My dance partner took me aside
Rosie - And issued a threat
Stevie - (Turns out she’d made a bet)
Chalky - That the last man to cross her had died
Stevie - While waltzing one day with my wife
Raak - I considered the course of my life
Rosie - Strictly, is dancing
Software - Lifestyle enhancing
Bismarck - Or a straight invitation to strife?
Rosie - The lad who delivers my paper
Tuj - Has become an extravagant vaper
Raak - His malevolent fumes
Pablo - From the stuff he consumes
Chalky - Sparked fire in a local skyscraper
muttleee - If you find you can't cope in this heat Topical, eh?
Rosie - Give up. Lie down. Press "Delete"
Raak - Or leap into the shower
Software - And stay there an hour
Simons Mith - Or tie blocks of ice to your feet
Simons Mith - A thunderclap sounds overhead
Stevie - "Cripes!" I scream. "There goes the shed!"
Superman - The tornado went past
Software - Well, that was a blast
Radox The Green - I'm either in Kansas, or dead.
Simons Mith - Now these are a sweet pair of shoes
Stevie - They go nicely with these drainpipe trews
Rosie - And what of my quiff?
Software - It looks a bit stiff
Bismarck - But the style is to die for (T. Hughes.)
Mr T C Hughes - (Bis) Your endorsement is greatly appreciated. I used to have one, a small amount of hair in the middle that hangs down to about eye level but found it a bit annoying and of course hopelessly dated. There seems to be some confusion in online dictionaries between "quiff" and "quim". The latter, of course, is Something Completely Different.
Bismarck - Glad you liked the reference, it took a bit of debate before publishing it.
Simons Mith - My tank top is simply divine Continuing the fashion kick
Rosie - As I strut the catwalk, and shine
Raak - My hot pink top hat
Stevie - Match my Birkenstocks that
Software - I bought on a whim whilst online
penelope - [Mt T. Hughes] As an aside, the most amusing piece of library-book defacing I ever saw was in a book about metaphors, oxymorons, pleonasms and other figures of speech - before t'internet, obvs, probably in about 1992. I was reading about writing as I was trying to make my career in it. The book gave this example of a witty variation of a metaphor: 'My wife has a whim of steel' and someone had written underneath it 'My wife has a quim of ice'.
Oh where would I be without braces?
Simons Mith - To wear them, I've found, takes you places
Rosie - Where big guts abound (pen) Absolutely ace filth. ROFLMAO. Thank you so much
Raak - And everyone's round
Software - There's trouble when tying up laces
Pablo - I've just got a new pair of Docs
Rosie - I'm now skint; quite on the rocks
Bismarck - So the rest of me's nude
Software - Hope you're not a prude
penelope - Besides, I am wearing socks.
Rosie - I lumber around in plus fours
Simons Mith - With varnish on all of my claws
Chalky - The attention I'm getting
Radox The Green - Is merely abetting
Stevie - My love of well-mixed metaphors
Radox The Green - A trilby is quite the 'in' thing
Stevie - When out with The Edge, Rod and Sting
Rosie - My Dad had one - cool!
But he looked such a fool
In his 1952 bling.
Scrub that - couldn't resist it.
Radox The Green - But Harry Styles' crowd
Radox The Green - Oops. Normal service will be resumed as soon as possible.
Software - Dress awfully loud
muttleee - So it's harder to hear Harry sing Ironically
Chalky - I'm liking the cut of your jib
Rosie - Please sing that, and do add some vib
Radox The Green - For synaesthesia
Bismarck - Induces amnesia
Software - And somehow sounds a bit glib
Chalky - Sir's cummerbund looks awfully tight
Software - Will it go bust? It just might
Raak - I suggest a good truss
Rosie - No such thing, y'great wuss
Pablo - If there were, it would be quite a sight
Rosie - It's time for a nice cup of tea
Chalky - Please make it with loose-leafed PG
Software - But don't let it stew
Bismarck - Since that ruins the brew
penelope - And makes it more likely I'll pee.
Tuj - Of late, I have noticed my nose
Software - Gets bigger, old age I suppose
Rosie - It's now a huge strawb'ry
Stevie - Whined Cap’n Jack Aubrey
Chalky - My retort was to shout 'Thar She Blows!'
Rosie - While doing the washing-up (Chalky) ROFLMAO
Software - I dropped my favourite cup
Stevie - That I wore for the test
Stevie - That time England were best
And brought the Ashes back home in a cup

Rosie - While doing the washing-up (Chalky) ROFLMAO

Software - I dropped my favourite cup
Bismarck - Which I'd won for my skill
Raak - At the Morrisons till
Bismarck - For appropriate use of "Wassup?" Mercy killing
penelope - While cleaning the windows indoors
Software - Using an old pair of drawers
Tuj - I began to have fears
Rosie - It would all end in tears
Stevie - You know why? Well I'll tell. It's because but I've said too much
Tuj - May I bring you a non sequitur?
CdM - Fog is wet and my cat has no fur
Chalky - The party is plum
penelope - Too bad you can't come
Rosie - On the tour de la tour à Tours
Chalky - The strange tale of old Widow Twanky
Rosie - Who no longer does hanky-panky
Raak - Will tug your heartstrings
nights - (amongst other things)
Bismarck - Unless you're a cynical Yankee.
Tuj - While scraping the frost from my car
Software - I heard a voice from afar
Chalky - Its sweetness of tone
Rosie - Which, on its own
Radox The Green - In no way the occasion did mar.
Chalky - I'm planning to swap my Lambretta
penelope - For an out-of-date Wall's Vienetta
Rosie - As transport, it's crap
muttleee - And perhaps a deathtrap
Raak - But costs less than a Volkswagen Jetta.
Pablo - At the start of another new year
Rosie - For the old one I'll not shed a tear
Chalky - It's time to move forward
Software - But first a foreword:
penelope - Never trust a Tory, y'hear? sorrynotsorry
muttleee - When dealing with HMRC
Rosie - Don't tell 'em you're a Tor-ee
Software - Just pretend you forgot
Raak - To declare what you ought
Superman - And reside in St Helier, Jersey.
Stevie - A doctor once told me this thing:
Simons Mith - "If a body part ever goes ping"
Chalky - 'You must dial 999'
Rosie - 'And then hold the line'
Pablo - While they search for a brace or a sling
Stevie - Clapclapclap
CdM - A stranger once said to James Joyce
Bismarck - Oi found Ulysses was quoite noice
Rosie - But then I'm from Bristol
Software - An' reading's a mystrol
Radox The Green - Though me teacher di'n't give me much choice.
Radox The Green - Then again, there is Finnegan's Wake
Stevie - (My copy lies deep in a lake)
Raak - Its sigla are daunting
Bismarck - But the author is taunting
Software - Sorry, I can't keep awake
Bismarck - There is nothing quite like a giraffe
Stevie - Agreed
You asked for that
Bismarck - There is nothing quite like a giraffe
Stevie - When it makes an unpardonable gaffe
Rosie - While on the job, mating
Chalky - It broadcasts a rating
KagomeShuko - Which is all just done for a laugh.
Simons Mith - The wobbegong's beautiful tassels
KagomeShuko - Oft used to decorate castles
Bismarck - Are now so rare
Raak - That my castle is bare
Rosie - It's one of life's little hassles.
KagomeShuko - Were we to eat steak for breakfast
Radox The Green - Clad solely in socks and a string vest
Chalky - Such lack of discretion
Raak - Impairs good digestion
muttleee - When I guzzle it straight down my neck fast Mercy killing
Chalky - Lear's Pobble, we're told, has no toes
Software - But sports a flannel-wrapped nose
Pablo - ,Two diamond-shaped arms
Rosie - Which can recite the Psalms
Bismarck - As to Aunt Jobiska he goes.
Radox The Green - There once was a man and a goat
Chalky - Who joined up in a popular vote
Rosie - To legalise butts
muttleee - But they hadn't the guts
Bismarck - To back their idea on the Tote.
Rosie - On tuning to Radio Three
penelope - Broadcast live from the Rose of Tralee
muttleee - I heard a long pause Can you hear a pause?
Raak - Then thund'rous applause
Radox The Green - Which of course was intended for me.
Projoy - On tuning a past-it piano
Rosie - I used old bits of Meccano
Pablo - To sharpen the "A"
Software - I chose a way
Chalky - First learned in my days at P&O
Superman - I wonder if ChatGPT
CdM - (View the source to read the hidden text)
Raak - Is all that it's cracked up to be
Rosie - It's cracked-up all right
CdM - (View the source to read the hidden text)
KagomeShuko - It booked me a flight
CdM - (View the source to read the hidden text)
Chalky - So now I reside in Tiree
Simons Mith - When AI takes over the planet
Raak - It will eat us all, like a mad gannet
Bismarck - Catastrophes loom
Chalky - As the the agents of doom
Rosie - Take the place of our brains. Just ban it.
ChatGPT - (View the source to read the hidden text)
ChatGPT - There once was a cat from the moon
Stevie - Who travelled by hot air balloon
ChAlky - Un-for-tune-ate-ly
Bismarck - The Dog from the Sea
Tuj - Stopped its trips with a well-aimed harpoon.
Rosie - My favourite bird is the chough
Tuj - I do not feel it's lauded enough!
Raak - When it tweets on a bough
Simons Mith - Or follows the plough
KagomeShuko - Enjoying the morning is tough.
Tuj - I can't tell my right from my left!
Rosie - Then join the Lib Dems. Be deft!
Software - To be in the middle
Raak - And harmlessly tiddle "to busy oneself with unimportant tasks"
Radox The Green - Till of reality you are bereft.
Chalky - Expecting that things might get worse
Bismarck - I bought me a second-hand hearse
Rosie - 'Cos new ones are pricey
Software - But used - a bit dicey
Pablo - And it turned out a bit of a curse
Bismarck - When flying to Sirius A
Simons Mith - It's vital to park in 'Long Stay'
Rosie - You'll find it quite warm
Chalky - And mosquitos do swarm
Raak - So stay in the spaceport all day.
Rosie - I say "Hello" to the moon
Software - Said the dish to the spoon
Stevie - (View the source to read the hidden text)
Drawing a line -
Rosie - I say Hello to the moon
Chalky - On those days when the world's out of tune
Stevie - Then I take my trombone
Projoy - And create a sound cone
KagomeShuko - So I don't feel like a loon.
Projoy - By a strange constellation of chances
Rosie - I've been invited to sev'ral séances
Stevie - Once the 'plasm starts flowing
Chalky - And my chakras are glowing
Software - The meeting it really enhances
Simons Mith - It was, I admit it, a fluke
Stevie - But I'll not take your scathing rebuke
Tuj - The records will show
Rosie - That I vanquished my foe
muttleee - Using every last trick in the book
Projoy - Chicka-boom, chicka-boom, chicka-wow
Simons Mith - - Not a typical sound for a cow
Rosie - It's ill - got The Lurgi
Projoy - And is all Heisenberg-y
penelope - And it's on an-ti-biotics for now.
Stevie - One day, while out driving my car
muttleee - I spied my true love from afar
Rosie - Thus sorely distracted
Raak - I overreacted
Chalky - For what happened next was bizarre - tbc
Chalky - My true love was dressed as a clown
Rosie - Sure 'nough his trousers fell down
CdM - This gender reveal
muttleee - Became quite a big deal
Projoy - As I clocked his proverbial [noun]
Projoy - I awake and the clock strikes thirteen.
penelope - So it's time for my swig of poteen
Raak - Och aye, and begorrah!
Radox The Green - It's already tomorrow?
Stevie - And yesterday's gone, come and been
Projoy - I encountered a horse and his boy
Raak - As they fled from enslavement in Troy (View the source to read the hidden text)
Simons Mith - The horse said, "Oh man,"
Projoy - "We fled from Tashbaan!"
Software - "And now I'm jumping with joy!"
Stevie - Achilles, it’s said, was a heel
Chalky - And lacked charismatic appeal
Projoy - Plus, he had a glass jaw
Pablo - Which reflected the floor
KagomeShuko - And made his chin look quite teal.
Projoy - A day spent in bed? That's a mood.
Raak - Of which there can come nothing good.
Chalky - But a valid invalid
Stevie - With visage quite pallid
Rosie - Could do with a little food pronounce it as you will
Projoy - The heart wants what hearts tend to want.
muttleee - Like spooning with Norman Lamont
Rosie - An unusual wish
Projoy - But he's more of a dish
Chalky - When served in a greek restaurant
Projoy - I like me a nice cup of tea
Stevie - Or some beer, if I get it for free
muttleee - I don't like hard liquor
Raak - It makes me sicker quicker
Projoy - Than chicory flavour coffee
Chalky - I'm told that I need to act dumb
Radox The Green - So I go around sucking my thumb
Tuj - When approached and addressed
Projoy - I whip out my left breast
Raak - And offer a swig of black rum.
Chalky - Congrats all - that made me laugh out loud
Projoy - Congrats, all, that caused me to lol.
Steve - I confirmed with a quick Twitter Poll
Rosie - But my backside's attached
muttleee - Though the cheeks are mismatched
Bismarck - ROTFL was the goal.
Stevie - CLAPCLAPCLAP! Cheese'n'onon all round!
CdM - I posted a message on X
Projoy - Then got banned for a reference to sex
Raak - But when I asked Y
Stevie - E M Z "O my"
Chalky - "U caused my man muscle to flex"
KagomeShuko - If we all post on Threads this fine day
muttleee - We might stop its rapid decay
Simons Mith - So leave it to rot
penelope - As if you forgot
Projoy - and you quite lost your thread... to... um...

Hey,...
Tuj - I once drew an interesting graph
Projoy - With x showing time, and y, staff
Stevie - The results were quite silly
KagomeShuko - And my friends were quite chilly
Radox The Green - - I'm the largest employer in Llandaff.
Bismarck - Here's a thing, up with which I won't put:
Tuj - The use of the phrase "to step foot". true story
Stevie - And yet, "give a hand"
penelope - Is still in demand
Chalky - When ones face is covered in soot
Tuj - After boarding a plane to Mumbai
Raak - We went up alarmingly high
Simons Mith - As the Earth fell away
Rosie - I was tempted to say
Projoy - "I'm a Bollywood star in the sky!"

(Just call me Apo-ji)
It's an Indian Summer we've got
Software - We know, 'cos it's bloody hot!
Simons Mith - This unseasonal spike It's only just autumn; I think calling it an Indian summer this soon is pushing it a smidge
Rosie - A gross thermal hike (View the source to read the hidden text)
Stevie - Causing boils, heat prostration and CENSORED rot.
Chalky - There's a widespread opinion that Sid
Stevie - Was more vicious than Billy the Kid
Projoy - But Celsa and Nancy
Software - (Girls that I fancy)
Rosie - Were dreadful, and landed in Knidd. I think that's how you spell it.
Projoy - Yr Wyddfa? I've walked to the summit!
Rosie - The train is so cheap you could bum it (Pj) Yr wyddfa means "the tomb"
Radox The Green - I admit that the height
Projoy - Leaves my head feeling light
Raak - And I fear I won't walk down, but plummet.
Rosie - Chipping Sodb'ry's the place (Raak) Neat
Projoy - If you want to get punched in the face.
Projoy -
Maybe that needs a scansion tweak:
Chipping Sodbury isn't the place
(If you value the shape of your face)
Rosie - I'm told it's not pretty (Proj) OK - not not of my better ones.
Chalky - Despite a committee
Raak - For balance of gender and race.
Projoy - There's six of 'em up in my attic!
Software - They're giving my radio static
muttleee - They're hooked up to 5G
penelope - At the back of each knee
Simons Mith - They've always been pretty erratic
Raak - My grandfather's contrabassoon
Rosie - Can be heard, so they say, on the moon
muttleee - Its mellifluous tones
Stevie - Rattle teeth, shatter bones
Simons Mith - But it can make an elephant swoon
Projoy - My cat's clarinet, au contraire,
Simons Mith - Is irreparably plugged up with hair
Bismarck - And that's a Good Thing
Rosie - 'Cos 'e can't make it sing
Projoy - (But alas, he had ordered a pair.)
Projoy - The Wolf in the woods had the horn
Simons Mith - And practiced each Sunday at dawn [keeping it musical]
Rosie - The slumbering sheep (SM) spoilsport
Raak - Woke at the first peep
Radox The Green - And bleated at him with some scorn.
Tuj - A hamster seen playing the flute
Rosie - Would be a bit of a hoot
Simons Mith - Would be more than a bit of a hoot, I'd suggest.
An owl on the cello
penelope - Plays something more mellow
Radox The Green - To back the sweet song of the newt.
Projoy - A timpani-playing amoeba
goldfinch - And a Yankee saxophonist zebra
Raak - Met up with a lynx
penelope - In front of the Sphinx
Simons Mith - But that's gotta be better than Bieber I feel quite forced
Chalky - The old folk of Chalfont St Peter
Projoy - Feel that HS2 would have been neater
goldfinch - Had the track been aligned
goldfinch - Oh no. Refresh page double post. Apologies.

• Chalky - The old folk of Chalfont St Peter
• Projoy - Feel that HS2 would have been neater
• goldfinch - Had the track been aligned
Projoy - Per the plan that was signed (two days is long enough to wait)
Rosie - As OK for just a two-seater.
Simons Mith - When walking the Appian Way
Rosie - (Appi was drunk, by the way)
Projoy - With Grumppi and Sneezi
Stevie - Both feeling quite queasi
Projoy - We still made Brindisi by day
goldfinch - The mushroom on which I was seated
Projoy - Soon began to feel centrally heated
Raak - It then spoke to me
Software - Hallucinogenicly
Stevie - (I suspect that my brain had been pleated).
This warm portobello recliner
Blob - Is a mushroom that couldn't be finer
Projoy - Tilts any direction
Raak - With supine perfection
Rosie - And manufactured in China.
Projoy - This felt is quite fuzzy to touch
Stevie - (Though I'm worried it isn't quite "butch")
Rosie - And what's more it itches
goldfinch - (Are those ticks in the stitches?)
Simons Mith - (Or weevils, or some other such?)
Projoy - Comes the night, comes a change, comes a fear
Simons Mith - Comes a need for a good pint of beer
CdM - And goes by the wayside
blamelewis - Let's cross to the dayside
Stevie - Do the clocks get put back around here?
Bismarck - For the last time, the clocks have gone back
Raak - Away with this autumnal slack!
goldfinch - But the clock on my cooker
Projoy - Looks crook, getting crooker
Rosie - I'll just have to hit it - thwack!
Projoy - Oh, the fear of an empty white page
blamelewis - The start's the most difficult stage
Raak - I'll begin in a bit
goldfinch - Oh, it’s hard, isn’t it?
Chalky - Damn this Infinite Monkey Cage
Projoy - The Tuesdayish feelings I have
Rosie - As I sit here and strain on the lav
Software - Regretting that curry
blamelewis - And the seventh McFlurry
goldfinch - And that third slice of passionfruit pav.
blamelewis - My gastrointestinal woes
Rosie - Have not yet affected my nose
goldfinch - At my doctor’s suggestion
Projoy - I've hastened digestion
Radox The Green - In it comes, through it goes - "There she blows!"
Projoy - In the forest, the forest, the dark
Rosie - Where nothing stirs. But hark!
Chalky - The Jabberwock waiting
Raak - In hope of a mating
goldfinch - Then the forest, the forest, the dark.
blamelewis -
It is often the case that my aunt
Bismarck - Will pause to insist that I can't
Projoy - —
I interrupt: "Can!"
blamelewis - And bring in my gran
goldfinch - “—no, you can’t play with Gran’s ear implant.”
Projoy -
It is often the case that my dad
Raak - Pours scorn on the latest "yoof" fad
Stevie - But I found his Zoot Suit
Rosie - And stale cheroot loot
blamelewis - He claims they'll be "back" in a tad.
Stevie - Seems Dad was a "Ted" in his day
Projoy - Pints of Brylcreem to make his hair stay
Rosie - And those winkle-pickers
blamelewis - elicit some snickers
Chalky - But the drainpipes blew all away
blamelewis - It is often the case that my Mum
Chalky - Took umbrage when I sucked my thumb
Rosie - Poor Umbridge, nice place
Projoy - (but thumb stayed in face)
goldfinch - But my dad didn’t mind, not a crumb.
It is often the case that my Dad
Projoy - Talks of lives he might somehow have had
penelope - Had he taken the chance
Software - And moved over to France
Rosie - He would have been labelled a cad.
Projoy - It is never the case that my son
goldfinch - Stops his laces from coming undone
Software - Despite double bow
blamelewis - And a lot of velcro.
Raak - He always trips up on a run.
Projoy - It is sometimes the case that my daughter
goldfinch - Does not always do what she oughta
Software - She stays out at night
Raak - And she looks such a sight
Rosie - But satisfies the riff-raff who court her.
Projoy - Line up on this board by the pool
goldfinch - In height order, you know the rule
Superman - On my count of three
Software - All bend at the knee
Rosie - And shed a world-ranking stool
KagomeShuko - When at the North Pole you'll see
Projoy - Santa Claus on an Amazon spree
Stevie - With one-click aplomb
Raak - You can send him a bomb
Bismarck - Which he'll give to kids who are naughty.
Projoy - In April I open my bill
penelope - In the hope of a gobful of krill
Rosie - Instead, there was sewage
CdM - And what's more (the worst bit)
muttleee - It's making me feel rather ill
Bismarck - As we come to the end of the year
Projoy - Let's let fly with this impotent jeer:
Superman - I'll cut off your balls
Raak - Which I'll nail to the walls
Bismarck - Instead of holly and ivy, you hear?
blamelewis - Such seasonal violence aside
Raak - Let peace rule on this Christmastide
muttleee - Let's all just chill out
Projoy - You'd better not shout.
goldfinch - Pull a cracker – BANG – oops, the peace died.
Y tanllinellwr -
Projoy - Cold turkey is no kind of fun
goldfinch - And a sign that the roast's underdone
KagomeShuko - Fruitcake's no good
Rosie - So gimme Christmas Pud
Stevie - While I wait for the year's course to run
goldfinch - The secret for succulent meat
Chalky - Lies down at the end of our street
Rosie - Those burgers are yummy
Raak - For they're flame-grilled with honey
Projoy - So no need to go on to sweet
Tuj - My cat had a wonderful Yule
Stevie - E'en though he behaved like a tool
Chalky - He chainsawed the tree
Simons Mith - And ate the budgie
goldfinch - So I’m rehoming him in Kabul
Projoy - It will now take some weeks for my belly
Chalky - To shift from in front of the telly
Rosie - My brain, too, is f****d rhyme it as you wish
goldfinch - But there's two Roses left!
Projoy - Shall I have 'em? Why, yes! On your nelly!
Projoy - It is grim and I want for some sun
Stevie - But the rain and the fog aren't quite done
Raak - And tonight, snow and ice
Radox The Green - Will be playing at dice
Juxtapose - With hailstones (for even more fun!)
Projoy - This was fun, but I have to be going
Raak - Next morning for Cambridge I’m rowing
goldfinch - The cox says my stroke
Rosie - Needs that much more poke
blamelewis - And I must ditch the hamper I'm towing
CdM - The whales off of east New South Wales
Projoy - Are relaxed about storms, floods and gales
Rosie - Well, some like it rough
Stevie - (Orcas surf in the buff)
goldfinch - But enough off-the-cuff whale details.
Tuj - Have you recently fallen in love?
Rosie - I wouldn't quite call it that, bruv
Projoy - Then have you been dating?
penelope - I'm equivocating
Stevie - Such pedestrian stuff, I'm above
Pablo - As the weather grows colder and colder
Raak - The White Walkers roam south ever bolder
Radox The Green - No wall is too high
Stevie - The zombies draw nigh!
Projoy - Someone stop them! We need a door-holder!
goldfinch - Here's the carrot and there is the stick
Simons Mith - So which are you going to pick?
Software - The choice is so hard
Pablo - Like picking a card
Projoy - Incentives should best do the trick.
Projoy - The cave where the blue monkeys dwell
Software - Has a very particular smell
goldfinch - Of typewriter ribbon
Raak - And erudite gibbon
Rosie - So pongy, and funky as well.
Projoy - O, to follow a winding canal
penelope - To somewhere more calm (not banal) Margo Leadbetter vowels invoked
goldfinch - With Prunella Scales
Rosie - Whom Basil fails
Chalky - With fawlty unsafe rationale
Projoy - Sail a boat, bonny girl; be at peace.
Rosie - You'll find all your problems will cease (Chalky) Classy, that
Chalky - Your peace is assured (Rosie) too kind, dear chap
goldfinch - For the time you’re unmoored
Raak - If you keep all your rollocks well-greased.
Bismarck - When one tunes in to Radio 1
Projoy - One will wish that one hadn't've done.
Software - For it's radio crap
Chalky - (moans the grumpy old chap)
muttleee - It's like tuning in to The Sun Would rather not have used 'tune in' again but couldn't think of anything else that scanned.
Bismarck - While listening to Radio Two
Projoy - - Which is what one would rather not do -
Software - I was bored out my mind
Raak - Then thought "search and you'll find"
Chalky - 'I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue'
goldfinch - Go to bed in a bitter bad mood
Projoy - And then breakfast on mountains of food
Chalky - Then maybe you'll find
Rosie - Your bogrolls unwind
Projoy - To keep pace with the quantities pooed
Chalky - The rate of inflation's insane
Projoy - By the time I wrote this line, the gain
Software - Is forty percent
goldfinch - So I live in a tent
Rosie - As for cash, I have naught but disdain.
Projoy - When one listens to Radio Three
goldfinch - (Which is not at all smug or snobby)
Raak - One's erudite taste
penelope - Does not go to waste
Pablo - With Darjeeling as one's choice of tea
Bismarck - Now Radio Four's for the few
Rosie - Such as those who Haven't A Clew
Projoy - And those who like Ambridge
Chalky - Or speak the welsh language
goldfinch - Tuned in from Lundy in a canoe.
Rosie - (Chalky) Ofnadwy! Ti'n medddw neu rhywbeth?
Software - Radio Caroline for me is the best
Projoy - For those who are pop tune obsessed
Rosie - But if you like jazz
penelope - Scuttle Radio Caz
goldfinch - And give Tony Blackburn a rest.
Projoy - There's four thousand holes in the hall
Bismarck - Through which the kobolds will crawl
Raak - Even Superman quails
Software - His power fails
Rosie - So holes blocked, therefore, sod all.
goldfinch - There’s nine million bikes in Beijing
Software - Each with a bell that goes ping
Projoy - They fly through the dawn
Raak - And park on the lawn
Bismarck - Against the law of Comrade Xi Jiping
Projoy - When the clock strikes out four steady chimes
Raak - It's the signal to set loose the mimes
goldfinch - Whose blitheness of spirit
Rosie - Is of great mirit NZ pronunciation invoked
Software - And moves along with the times
Projoy - There isn't a reason I know
goldfinch - Why the cat should be starting to glow
Software - Perhaps it's on heat
Rosie - And hoping to meet
Radox The Green - A cool cat to lay on a show.
Projoy - I'm feeling some strange feelings, man
goldfinch - And I’m not sure it’s part of the plan
Chalky - I seem to be joined
goldfinch - (While my reason’s purloined)
Bismarck - By James Bond in a VW van.
Chalky - I've just taken leave of my senses
Projoy - And I've start to relinquish my tenses
Raak - My ego is stilled
Rosie - Libido killed
Stevie - Ennui's destroyed my mental fences.
Projoy - A spell at the track, watching dogs
goldfinch - In pursuit of fake hare each dog jogs
Rosie - But a jog supersonic
Pablo - (and that's NOT a mneumonic!)
Radox The Green - Cannot be achieved wearing clogs.
Projoy - It grows in each corner, like mould
Stevie - When the air becomes stale, damp and cold
Chalky - But if rats intervene
goldfinch - Just apply margarine
Rosie - A rodenticide, so I am told.
KagomeShuko - If it's butter you seemingly lack,
CdM - Then make use of this genius hack:
Raak - Find a dandelion field
goldfinch - And ‘neath your chin wield
Chalky - A small knob of Danish Lurpak
CdM - All the poems that ever were written
Projoy - Can't compare to the new of a kitten
Projoy - *mew
Stevie - BIFURCATION!

But "new what?" you may ask | That soprano cry
Tuj - Well! Let onlookers bask | Could bring tears to the eye
Chalky - And they'll note that I've just been bitten/And a language that's yet to be written
CdM - Hmmm... Let's see if this one goes any better. :)

The most desperate words ever spoken
Projoy - I exclaimed as I woke in Hoboken:
Raak - "Send Marmite! And cheese!"
Stevie - "And some toasted bread, please"
Simons Mith - And a 50p gas meter token!
Stevie - [CdM] Another flub. 50P? In Hoboken? Woe, lackaday etc 8o)
CdM - All the dreams of my youth are long faded
Raak - All my sensuous tastes are long jaded
Radox The Green - I shall lie in my bed
Chalky - And watch TV instead
Projoy - Then wink out, just the way the display did
Now the arc of my plan's more a spike
Software - What's that? Speak into the mike
Raak - A bang then a whimper
Simons Mith - A fart and a simper
CdM - (And the heckler can get on his bike)
CdM - [R,R,C,P] Now that was a limerick!
Rosie - (CdM) Agreed. Top-drawer.
Projoy -
Can the real Mister Shady stand up?
Software - So that we can present the cup
Pablo - And a small piece of paper
blamelewis - Freshly dropped by a vaper
Chalky - Which proves his real name is Miles Jupp
Rosie - I am a Morniverser
Projoy - May I revise as I think you put a glow worm in the limericks (and vice versa)
I play in the Morniverse games
Raak - Wearing gold-plated spectacle frames
Chalky - But have noticed of late
Projoy - That they're losing their plate
KagomeShuko - So I guess it's time for new frames.
Projoy - Be young and be foolish, he said.
Rosie - So do it now, before you are dead (Pj) Yeah, funny stuff, alcohol. A small molecule that goes round the brain pulling out a few plugs.
muttleee - Because once you're deceased
goldfinch - Turns out everything's leased
Projoy - Sink your gold in a cask lined with lead.
CdM - O! Were it not for my vanity
Raak - I'd eschew this vexatious insanity
goldfinch - I’d cast off my qualms
Projoy - Call out saws; sing out psalms
Software - I'd live in total inanity
goldfinch - Oh, I wish I'd looked after me teeth^[1]
Software - 'cos for now they just need a wreath
Projoy - All the toffees I chewed
penelope - And the plaque I accrued
muttleee - Means they're not even fit to bequeath To some lucky relative, obvs. :-)
CdM - On the day that the music ceased living
Radox The Green - I remember that I was then giving
Projoy - Out newspapers, news
goldfinch - Of the dry levee blues
Chalky - And such heartbreak went deep like a shivving
Software - While rooting around in my shed
Rosie - Up with which I soon got fed
CdM - Then off with which pissed (View the source to read the hidden text)

Moniker
Stance